The relationship between a man and a woman is a vast and multifaceted topic.
In this material, we will consider only one of its facets — when “it’s complicated” and the stage of separation, if feelings for each other are fading.
If this is your topic, read the article. You may find the answer to your specific question.
How to understand that you need to end a relationship
For women, a signal to exit a relationship can be the feeling “I can’t take it anymore, I’m fed up.”
Another signal is indifference: when the presence of a man nearby evokes no feelings, and there are no common interests or desires.
Many people delay making a decision for years, mistakenly assuming that their personal intention can save the relationship, no matter how hopeless it may be.
Sometimes one year is enough to realize that this relationship has no future.
If you are young, you have time to “experiment” — to stay in a non-functioning relationship, trying to fix it.
If this experiment doesn’t work, you can enter another relationship and have time to have a child.
Value your time (your life). So the decision is yours.
See also: How to find yourself after a breakup. Reasons why men and women enter relationships
Exiting a destructive relationship into “nowhere”: alone, with children
The greatest value is your own life.
All the squabbles and discord in a relationship traumatize children.
It is necessary to leave destructive relationships for the sake of yourself and your children.
In the case of destructive relationships (when you and your children are suffering), the question of whether you can count on support from your former partner in the future is irrelevant.
The main thing is to preserve yourself and your children for a future life.
Once you take care of what matters most, in time you will return to the question of how your children will communicate with their father.
At the same time, you continue working through your grievances toward your former partner.
Within the old paradigm, the older generation readily sacrificed their own lives and personal happiness for the sake of their children, continuing to stay in destructive relationships.
Now, such “compulsion” no longer exists.
Read also: 4 negative programs that prevent a woman from finding happiness
One of the programs is the fear of being alone, or happiness in marriage.
10 years of relationship. Together it’s bad, we can’t separate. Codependent relationship
When you have been in a destructive relationship with someone for a long time and cannot separate, this is a sign of a codependent relationship.
Look for relevant information and literature about codependent relationships.
You can often understand with your mind that you are in a codependent relationship.
If you do not know how to choose and do not want to make decisions or take responsibility for yourself, you risk ending up in a codependent relationship.
On the other hand, 10 years for a couple is a significant period that can be difficult to erase from life.
Nevertheless, it is necessary to pull yourself together and make a decision on your own.
By staying in a destructive codependent bond, you are robbing yourself and not allowing yourself to live happily.
Lack of self-sufficiency, indecisiveness, doubts, and a need for guarantees are the cause of a tendency toward codependent relationships.
To support yourself while you figure things out, use meditations.
Remember that time is a valuable resource.
While you wait for everything to resolve itself, time is slipping away.
Read: Why You Choose the WRONG Men, or Karmic Relationships
When one partner has fallen out of love, feelings for each other fade
It is dishonest to a man (or woman) to remain in a relationship where there are no longer any warm feelings.
If one partner has fallen out of love, regardless of what the other partner feels, maintaining the relationship is dishonest — toward yourself, your partner, and your children.
You must give yourself and the other person a chance at new, happy relationships.
Time heals and will help you get through this breakup.
Be honest with yourself when deciding the fate of your relationship.
If you have no desire to try to mend the relationship, let your partner go.
If your partner needs you, but you do not need them, do not keep that person near you like a dog in the manger.
By doing so, you give a chance to find new relationships not only to your man but also to yourself.
See also: How to Break Up with a Man When the Time Has Come [Answers to Questions]
Divorced my husband. We still meet, even though he has another family
If you have officially separated from your partner, he has another family, but you continue to see each other, you are robbing yourself.
The most important thing is that you must understand: according to the law of cause and effect, sooner or later, you will get payback.
What you will have to pay for it (a serious illness, misfortune, or something else) may not be known right now.
Think about how ready you are for this and why you would treat yourself so poorly.
See also: What it means to love yourself
15 signs that indicate you love yourself
Filed for divorce twice. 12 years of living together
It is always possible to try to save a marriage.
For this, there must be two participants — both partners must want it.
There are currently a large number of educational programs, trainings, and specialized professionals with whose help, by making an effort, you can save the relationship.
You try, and if you see some changes for the better, you continue.
If only one partner dreams of saving the marriage, the chances of success are practically zero.
As a “rescue” measure, you can try living separately from your partner for a while to sort out your feelings and desires.
There are no universal recipes. Find your own.
See also: About difficulties in relationships: why am I alone, how to trust a man — [answers to questions]
Perhaps among you there are those willing to share their experience of preserving a relationship at a stage when everything seems hopeless, when feelings are fading. Or, on the contrary, those who have left a destructive relationship while managing to preserve themselves.
We will be glad if you share your stories in the comments. For those who are currently experiencing difficulties in relationships, your experience will become support!
The article is written based on the materials of the broadcast #разговор_на_диване “Questions about husbands, 12/6/19”