In Instagram stories and live streams, people ask a wide variety of questions, especially about relationships. Some of them you can find in the “Alena Answers” section, and we have collected some in this material.
Read the answers to questions about difficulties in relationships: why “married men” cling, how a stamp in a passport affects relationships, how to trust a man, and more.
Is a stamp in the passport necessary?
When a woman gets married and changes her surname, at the moment of marriage two family lines are essentially united. And if before that she was clearing up all the baggage that her own family line carried, then as soon as she gets the stamp, she begins to also clear up the baggage of her husband’s family line.
Everyone decides for themselves whether they need this seal or not. If you want to legally protect yourself, then perhaps it is necessary. But if you are already a fulfilled woman and have everything, you won’t think about it.
The same goes for a church wedding. Each of us is a god, only some have found and opened this god within themselves, while others have not. But that does not make you any less.
Accordingly, today you are in this relationship, and tomorrow you are not. Just as you came together, you will also part ways.
If it is difficult to trust a man
When it is difficult to trust a man after a failed relationship, it means that the woman has an unhealed, traumatized part.
Read the article “Three Types of Relationships.” It describes healing relationships. When you enter into a healing relationship, you will heal your traumas.
You can also work through them yourself, without waiting for such a relationship. Write down what is not working for you, what is preventing you from entering a new relationship.
Ask yourself: do you want to cherish this old trauma, or do you finally deserve to be treated completely differently? You deserve a happy relationship.
If you think so, heal all of it, and if not, admit that you enjoy nurturing your own traumas. But honesty with yourself is important here.
Each of you deserves the maximum, not because you carried some grief or pain through your entire life, but simply because we were born here, on this planet.
You all deserve happiness. Isn’t that a reason to heal everything that prevents you from being happy?
See also: How self-trust affects the quality of your life
Why relationships take a long time to come
Today, you have exactly what you are ready for and what you allow yourself to have.
This is a super transformational phrase, from which two questions arise:
- What am I not ready to have?
- What am I not allowing?
Start answering these questions for yourself, and everything in your life will change.
On the other hand, there are women who have worked through a lot within themselves, understood things, yet still have no relationship. Why?
The older you become (the age of your soul), the wiser you become, the more light you turn on inside yourself, the higher your demands and requirements for a man, for a life partner, become.
Look at your list of qualities a man must meet. Are there such men around you? Perhaps only a few have encountered such.
Many miss another point: that man must also grow to that level. This is important.
If Maris and I had met about 5 years earlier, we would not have been together, because we did not match each other; we were different.
So just like you, they may not be ready, and a person must mature for it. They have not yet reached the level where you are, or you have not reached their level. Because in relationships, resonance is key, and you meet on resonance.
See also Loneliness or freedom. Do you need to get rid of loneliness
Resonance in relationships
How long can resonance in relationships last?
We are constantly changing. And anything can happen. The question is different: do you change and continue to suit each other, or have you changed so much that you no longer suit each other?
I believe it is a betrayal of yourself to live with a person who no longer suits you, regardless of how many years you have lived together. As soon as you have lost resonance, try to restore it and fail, what is the point of living together then?
Many live for the sake of shared living space, for the sake of children, to avoid dividing property. But all of this is a betrayal of yourself.
Fear that your husband will leave
If you are afraid that your husband will leave you, you will attract this to yourself, draw it in with your jealousy and fears, sooner or later.
If you are not ready to lose something, then do not enter into a relationship, stay alone. If you still want a relationship, be ready to lose. Otherwise, you will be constantly tugged on this rope so that you step over it.
Nothing is stable. This must be accepted by default.
See also How to find yourself after a relationship breakup. Reasons why men and women enter into relationships
Not satisfied with the relationship with your husband. How to bring back feelings
“Married for 19 years, 2 years ago a man appeared — my first love. We corresponded for two years, now we have stopped communicating. My relationship with my husband no longer satisfies me. How can I bring back feelings for my husband?”
Love is your gift. When you fall into a state of love, you yourself choose whether to share this gift with a specific person or not. Your flow is currently blocked because you gave it to another person.
Try going through gratitude towards your husband for the 19 years you have lived with him, for what was given, turn on this flow. Love is inside, you just turned off the tap.
When a man falls in love, he can direct the flow into both new and old relationships. But a woman directs it only in one direction, for example, into a new relationship, and turns off the tap in the other direction.
Or, for example, when a child is born, a woman can completely immerse herself in the child, neglecting her husband. For her, this is a new experience, an awakening of maternal feelings, and she dives into it headfirst. She often dissolves completely.
See also When feelings for each other fade, should you separate or maintain the relationship [Answers to questions]
Why do you meet much younger men, but no worthy ones
When women meet much younger men, it means they are trying to bring you what you lack inside yourself.
They do not come for relationships; they return to you the parts you are missing in order to match the worthy man you are looking for.
And if worthy men do not appear, ask yourself why this is beneficial to you.
You have a direct benefit from being in a relationship that does not satisfy you. Why are you taking revenge on yourself? If you are not looking for a way out, not doing anything to fix it, why do you dislike yourself so much? What is there in you that deserves such serious revenge?
Your mind will give many answers to this question, and somewhere inside will be your benefit.
Svetlana Dobrovolskaya has an exercise “I am afraid that…”
Write down what you are afraid of, at least 20 fears, and you will see your benefits. When you pull out these fears, replace them with an equal but opposite one.
See also 4 negative programs that prevent a woman from finding happiness
Why “married men” cling
If you are in a relationship and everything is good for you, no one will cling to you. That is normal.
But if suddenly someone clings, ask yourself: what part of me requires male attention? What did I not give myself? Everything is inside you.
When “married men” cling, the question to yourself is: what am I not giving myself, what am I seeking confirmation of from outside, and in such a distorted form?
Replace the passive voice in this phrase with one where you are the actor: “How am I attracting them?”
When you answer these questions for yourself, normal men will start to be attracted. They cling when you have a thirst inside.
If the material was useful to you, share your insights and thoughts in the comments: what resonated, what do you disagree with? Perhaps you had your own difficulties in relationships, we would be glad if you tell us how you overcame them!
The article is based on materials from live streams within the rubric #conversation_on_the_couch “Space for Yourself” and “A New Wonderful World”