In our course “Dance with the Shadow 3.0,” there is an exercise called 3-2-1. In short, you need to write a letter to the person who wronged you and express all the feelings you are experiencing.
This practice is quite well-known; it helps you acknowledge your emotions and free yourself from them. Its goal is not to resolve the situation, but to release what is inside, to transform and transmute it.
During one of the Q&A webinars, a participant wrote: “I had a fight with my mom, I felt hurt, I wrote a letter, sent it, and waited for her support, for her to feel sorry for me. In response, I got a bunch of nasty things.”
We are publishing our commentary as an article so that it may be useful for others who are experiencing similar feelings. Read on to learn how to practically free yourself from resentment and remove the obsessive desire for approval and recognition from your loved ones.
What is your purpose for doing the practices
First of all, the practice of writing a letter to the person who wronged you does not involve sending it to the recipient. If you sent it or went and told them everything in person, then why be surprised when you get feedback?
If you show it to them, you are involving another person in your internal process, and then you are trapped, caught in a snare: “Aha, they will see it, aha, they will read it. And how will they react? And what will happen?” And because it is all sent outward, you get even more in return.
What was a small pile becomes a huge pile.
Therefore, you need to distinguish for yourself: are you doing something for yourself, applying the practice with a purpose? It’s no coincidence that we have the goals written everywhere — the reason for using this or that tool.
The purpose of writing such a letter is not to inform the person of all your feelings and emotions towards them and the situation. It is all for you, for your growth, so that you can see the root of the situation.
And you will only see it after you have freed yourself from the emotions. You may need to write a dozen letters to release everything that has accumulated and caused pain for years. So sit down and write until the flow dries up. If it takes several days, then it takes several days.
See also: Guilt, claims against a person, explanations. What unites them
Why do you need a response
Ask yourself, why do you need a response? It is important to understand what is driving you, what the motive is here.
Most likely, inside there will be a desire for them to acknowledge that you are good.
A self-sufficient person sees, hears, and perceives any reactions towards themselves, both pleasant and unpleasant, but chooses themselves and acts based on what they themselves feel in that moment.
It is important to stop waiting for them to change. Whether in relationships with children, husbands, or relatives, even the closest ones, inside us sits a childish hope that they will suddenly see the light and realize how good I am.
That’s not a given. Most likely, no.
Psychologists call this a deficit.
See also: Why resentment and anger are dangerous from the perspective of the universe’s laws
When healing happens
Healing yourself begins with acknowledging the fact that he, she, they are exactly as they are. Someone doesn’t know how to show love, someone shows love on a completely different level.
There’s even a book, “The 5 Love Languages,” which describes how different people show love, although in reality there are many more of these languages and expressions.
This is where resentments come from, because realities don’t match. We expect one thing, don’t get it, and take offense.
But if you later look, with a clear mind and a clear memory, at what was behind each of those resentments — you expected this, and it didn’t happen — you’ll see that your realities really are different.
You mean one thing, and they mean something completely different. What feels offensive to you, another person won’t see as offensive at all.
Therefore, your task — to release emotions ecologically — means not dumping them on someone else; the other person has nothing to do with it.
But this realization comes when you understand that there is no one in this world except you. All the people around you are extras, hired actors playing out certain scenes so that you can overcome your barrier.
That’s why it turns out that the most malicious person towards you shows you exactly that side, while towards other people they can be generous and loving. Because that is your connection, your agreement.
See also: How to remember the divine within yourself and what it means to be a divine mirror for another
Please share in the comments: do you have your own effective way of freeing yourself from resentment? How does the situation and your perception of it change after you work through resentments and heal traumas?
Excerpt from a webinar with Q&A on the Ascension Sites Workshop 4, 01/31/22