“I accept myself completely and fully.” Can you say that about yourself?
Non-acceptance of yourself, non-acceptance of your appearance, your weight, certain qualities, actions, reactions is a fairly common phenomenon.
Why does non-acceptance and judgment of yourself threaten a loss of control over your life? Let’s figure it out.
In this material, you will find a practice for releasing judgment. Use it to become more whole, to accept and love yourself.
Non-Acceptance of Self — Loss of Control Over Life
Non-acceptance and judgment of yourself arise in different situations in life: when you don’t like something about your body, when something doesn’t work out for you, when you want something but don’t believe in yourself, thinking you won’t succeed.
You reject that part of yourself that you don’t like, that can’t handle some important task.
There is what you see, and there is what you have thrown out of your consciousness (hello, “Dance with the Shadow”). It goes into the subconscious, begins, simply put, to cause mischief and attract attention to itself, reproducing the same events so that you will integrate it.
We are talking about wholeness. We cannot discard our emotions, our thoughts, our body. All of this is a part of us.
When you reject something, you don’t know how it lives, what it feels, why it acts that way. And you lose control of your life. It’s hard to manage something you don’t know about.
There are two primary emotions that come to the forefront when you think about what you don’t like in yourself, what you judge in yourself — these are aggression and anger.
It can’t be said that they are bad or good. Sometimes aggression is useful. There are cases when aggression is useful, when you need to protect your boundaries, defend your point of view. In the physical world, sometimes to get what you deserve, you need to “get aggressive” or “get angry” at someone.
I remember a situation where you go to a bank, start explaining what you need — people don’t react at all. But when you switch into an attacking state and say: “You must do this, you are obligated to do this!” — it gets resolved right away. They understand. They communicate on that level.
And while you are quiet, gentle, slow, calm, the people around you don’t perceive you as a force that moves, that has a right. In the 3D world, a calm person is a sign of weakness. Since you are weak, the strong one must attack you.
It’s the same with anger. You can endure as much as you want, but sometimes anger can be constructive.
See also How to Learn to Accept Yourself: 6 Ways
How to Determine if There is Judgment Inside
The measure of evaluating yourself is based on two feelings — comfort and discomfort. If there is a feeling of discomfort in an emotion, it means only one thing — there is judgment there.
Review the list of what you don’t like about yourself, what you don’t accept in yourself, for signs of self-judgment.
I can’t quit smoking. I can’t lose weight, despite all the effort I’ve put in. I needed to take the first step, go submit some document, and I didn’t do it.
All the emotions you experienced in that moment towards yourself are uncomfortable because there is judgment inside. I am judging myself. I am bad.
This does not depend on someone else’s opinion. It does not depend on what other people might think. I am dividing myself into two parts in that very moment.
If you scold, criticize, or judge yourself for not doing something, for not being able to do something, your will gets blocked. Your will shrinks when you judge yourself.
See also Judgment — the main brake on the path of spiritual development
Why and how to let go of self-judgment
Judgment of any of your actions, which is hidden deep in your emotions, blocks your will, which then prevents you from acting systematically in the right direction.
Therefore, it is important to free yourself from judgments. The words “judgment” and “condemnation” are interchangeable in this context.
When you experience discomfort, you stamp yourself with: “I am bad because I…”
Judgment and condemnation are mental constructs, mental structures.
Therefore, to dissolve them, you simply need to voice them. That is, to see them and let them go. Everything that concerns what is in our mind is rewritten very simply.
Forcing yourself to feel differently in a situation is much harder, because feelings and emotions are born inside. With the mind, it is simple.
See also Self-Improvement, or How to Stop Endlessly Fixing Yourself and Start Living
We offer a practice for letting go of self-judgment. Recall any situation where you judged yourself, where you were supposed to do something important but couldn’t, and now feel discomfort from it.
Practice for letting go of judgment and self-rejection
Take a comfortable position. Sit so that your spine is straight. Remember that in any practice, we are also working on the energy level, and so it should flow calmly through the body, without obstacles.
Take a deep breath in and out. And breathe at a pace comfortable for you, listening to your sensations, tuning in to your body’s reactions.
Focus on any situation where you experienced an emotion (discomfort). Focus on this emotion: irritation, anger, insecurity, powerlessness.
Scan your body with your inner eye, and determine where this emotion is hiding. Where is its place in your body? Chest, solar plexus, head, female organs? Where is this emotion located in your body?
Now pay attention to the energy that this emotion carries. What kind of energy does it have? Light or heavy? Bright or dark? Shriveled or relaxed? Tense or calm? What does this emotion look like on an energetic level? How do you feel it in terms of energy?
When you have felt this energy, described it to yourself, ask yourself: “What am I judging myself for in this moment?” “I am bad because I…” Each person will complete this phrase for themselves: “I am bad because I… am afraid I won’t succeed, feel guilty, feel powerless…” The ending can be anything. This is what you are judging yourself for.
“I am bad because I…” This could be an action, a thought you have about yourself. Or a feeling.
Once again, focus on the energy of this emotion. Again, remember where it is located in your body. And focus on the energy of this emotion.
And now, with all your love, self-compassion, and self-acceptance, say: “I release the judgment that I am bad because I…” and then continue with your phrase.
“I release the judgment that I am bad because I… smoke, gain weight, can’t find a job, don’t finish what I start, burn out quickly…”
Take a deep breath. Now, once again, focus on the energy of this emotion in your body.
Do a third round. But this time, release the judgment of the action itself. “I release the judgment that… smoking, drinking, gaining weight, eating at night… is bad.”
Focus on this energy inside your body. And once again, with all your love and sincerity, out loud or in your mind, say: “I release the judgment that… is bad or wrong.” “I release the judgment that eating pastries, eating at night, not running in the morning, not finishing what I start… is bad or wrong.”
And once again, focus on this energy. Most likely, it has changed its properties. It is no longer heavy, dark, or tense, but something different.
The final phrase will sound like this: “I release the judgment that I am truly…”
Here, an adjective will most likely fit: lazy, undisciplined, stupid, insecure, dumb, too sensitive, too vulnerable — any adjective that comes to mind in this situation regarding you.
Once more. Find this emotion in your body, feel its energy. And sincerely say, mentally or out loud: “I release the judgment that I am truly…”
For those who are into the topic of weight loss or don’t love themselves, judging themselves for some action, judging themselves for it, for example: I eat too much, I gain weight too quickly, there is one more phrase for you.
Focus in advance for this phrase: “I release the judgment that I must continue…” Eating a lot, smoking a lot — that which you want to stop doing.
And now, for the last time, tune into this energy and notice what it has become, the energy of this emotion connected to your intention. Are there any changes? Has more lightness appeared?
And now, a foundation for the future. If there is anything else, any judgment where you could say: “I am bad because I…” — this is something you can work with.
Now, shift your focus of attention to your heart, to your boundless, simply enormous heart filled with love for yourself. Take a deep breath, hold it. Mentally say during this hold: “I accept myself!” And on the exhale, direct the energy down into the Earth.
Deep breath in, hold, “I accept myself,” and on the exhale — down, into the Earth, we “anchor” this feeling in the Earth.
Share your feelings after completing the practice!
Excerpt from a themed session for clients of the Keys of Mastery Center
P.S. We invite you to our new course “Acceptance Workshop” to free yourself from self-flagellation, negativity, and start accepting yourself.
See the detailed description here >>