«Betrayal, treachery — a violation of loyalty to someone or a failure to fulfill a duty to something.»
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If this definition is applied to oneself, then betraying oneself means that a person is not true to themselves, to their principles, and does not fulfill their duty to themselves.
On this planet, we owe nothing to anyone by default, unless we ourselves have chosen it. Such is the law of the universe regarding free will and choice.
Perhaps the only duty we must fulfill is the duty to ourselves.
What is this duty, and why is its non-fulfillment a betrayal of oneself?
I suggest we figure this out in this article.
Your obligation to yourself
What do you think is your obligation to yourself? Given that we live on a planet of free choice and seemingly owe nothing to anyone.
For example, you make a promise to yourself to love, value, and respect yourself, and you do not keep that promise. After all, you are not obligated.
If you declare something to the universe, a corresponding reality begins to unfold before you.
Every person is a creator, and what we ourselves «create» will determine the kind of life we will live.
Therefore, the only obligation to yourself, provided that you want to be happy, harmonious, and have the desired reality, is to follow your principles and decisions.
What kind of life will unfold before you if you do not adhere to them?
Many people live as if in a fog, dwell in illusions, thinking that if today is bad, then tomorrow everything will suddenly become good.
But this good thing “for some reason” does not come. And it will not come until you honestly look at what you are doing. Until you compare your thoughts, words, promises to yourself — with your actions.
Does one correspond to the other. If not, what needs to be done so that what you want becomes the norm of your life, and not a pipe dream.
See also Honesty as an indicator of spiritual growth
Most people do not understand the value of the concept of “honesty.” Read this article to understand it.
How self-betrayal manifests itself
If you do not fulfill this duty to yourself, then you betray yourself, renounce your promises to yourself, renounce your power.
You sacrifice your needs, desires, interests, do not express your opinion when necessary to defend your interests, dignity, decision, action.
Instead, you make excuses, agree with what you are told.
You hush up problems just to preserve relationships.
You have no trust in yourself, your inner sense, intuition does not work, you are easily deceived, suppressed, manipulated. For you, the opinion of external sources is more valuable and precious than your own. Thus, you give your power to another person, yield to them, and your potential remains unrealized.
When you allow other people to unceremoniously invade your boundaries, allow them to decide what you should do, judge you for the choices you have made, dictate how you should live — this is also self-betrayal.
See also Personal boundaries — How not to lose yourself
Get a simple algorithm for defining and protecting your personal boundaries.
When you make a promise to yourself that from now on you will value yourself, will not allow disrespectful treatment towards yourself, and then you step on the same rake again (turn a blind eye to infidelity, lies, selfish attitudes) — this is also a betrayal of yourself.
You declare that you deserve the best and allow yourself to have it, and life begins to throw you situations where you need to confirm this. And if you do NOT confirm it, but again give the best to someone else, denying yourself — this is again a betrayal of yourself.
What happens in the end?
The energy you have for unlocking your potential, for realizing your plans and goals, is spent on regret, self-criticism, blaming yourself for not speaking up again, not being able to, not daring to.
This energy is released in the form of aggression towards others (loved ones and children suffer first), or towards yourself, when you suppress your emotions, punish yourself with some inconveniences or deprivations, citing that you cannot afford better.
See also: The coordinate system of self-worth, or How the shift from evaluating and criticizing yourself to inner stability occurs
Why you betray yourself
There are unconscious reasons why you betray yourself. You may not even understand it, but you do things that are harmful to yourself.
Some part of you wants to earn people’s favor, to be loved, to be good in the eyes of society.
Inside you, a powerful program is at work that dictates this behavior, creating thoughts in your head that you are not worthy, not important, have no right.
It doesn’t matter when it appeared or who loaded it into you; what matters is that it needs to be and can be stopped.
How to stop betraying yourself
1. Be honest with yourself
First of all, honesty with yourself is important.
Write down your declaration — your wishes regarding yourself, formulate your life principles — what is important to you.
After that, observe what you do, how you act in everyday life, in small things, and compare how much your behavior matches your statements.
Only honestly. Identify weak points and think about what can be done, why you cannot follow your principles.
If you feel you are going in the wrong direction, cannot understand what is guiding you, stop and return to your principles.
See also 10 principles of a conscious person
2. Put yourself first
Tell yourself that from now on you are the most important person to yourself, you are an authority for yourself and no one else.
Do not allow yourself to be scolded for your choices. This is your choice, and you have the right to decide how to live and not to justify yourself to other people.
Learn healthy selfishness. Do something for yourself first, think about what will be best for you, and start allowing yourself more little by little.
Accustom yourself to good things, make yourself believe that you deserve respect, that you are valuable. Even if you do not believe it, tell yourself the opposite.
Do not confuse blatant selfishness with self-love. Find out the difference between these concepts.
3. Do not give your power to others
Giving your power to another is draining your potential, stepping into the shadows and yielding your role to someone else.
Each of us has talents and gifts, and to unlock them, we often need to overcome ourselves.
Periodically, life offers opportunities to reveal them, and there will always be a choice: to take a decisive step, take on solving a task, or step into the shadows and let someone else solve it.
When you step aside and ask another person to solve a task, you give away your power and betray your dream.
And in this opportunity lies your point of growth. If you encounter a challenge, accept it, take your power.
Find out which 5 factors block your power.
4. Use the opportunities the universe provides
The universe periodically opens windows of opportunity so that we can use them for our development.
If, for example, you want to realize yourself professionally, or you need a new job, the universe will definitely provide such an opportunity and will show various options.
As a rule, they will be associated with stepping out of your comfort zone.
Use these opportunities, as the next window may not come. If you always say “no,” then they will stop offering you options.
Do not listen to the mind that says you are not ready, you do not know how; listen to your heart.
This is exactly what the next point is about.
See also Self-worth and self-esteem. What is the difference between them
5. Learn to listen and hear yourself
Many people are concerned with the question of how to find their purpose, what to do that will bring satisfaction.
And instead of studying themselves, trying to understand what they themselves are interested in, what they like, people turn to others, go to all sorts of specialists in finding purpose.
But no one but yourself knows better what will bring you joy and pleasure in life.
A person who does not trust themselves is ready to believe external sources because they do not see value in themselves, in their own answers. Thus, relying on others’ opinions, one can spend an entire life on alien pursuits.
Learn to hear yourself, even if you make mistakes, get bumps and bruises, they will be your bumps — your valuable experience.
Do not devalue your searches, your wanderings. This is your path. If not for these searches, you would not have become who you are now.
If you are gathering information on some important issue for you, do not rush to take on faith the opinion of even authoritative sources.
Ask yourself: how do you yourself feel about it, what do you think about it, does it resonate with you or not.
I would probably count myself among those people who have betrayed themselves. And there were countless moments when I gave my power to others, relied on others’ opinions.
But in my life there were also events that set the main vector of my life, that forced me to listen to myself, when I understood that no one here was my advisor.
In such moments, I clearly understood what I needed to do and never made a mistake or regretted my decisions afterward.
And if it is still difficult for you to determine how to act, allow yourself the right to make mistakes, listen only to yourself and do as your heart dictates.
When you accumulate a certain number of such decisions, you will begin to distinguish the external, imposed from your true self.
See also Choosing yourself instead of following other people’s authorities
As you understand, the flip side of betraying yourself is the awareness of your unshakable value. We broadcast about the importance of this from all available sources: the Keys of Mastery page on social networks, the website, and courses.
This article is another touchpoint. And I will be glad if this information is useful for you and helps you understand yourself better.