I think there are few people in the world who have never experienced a feeling of loneliness.
Some have suffered from the inability to find a partner, some have felt lonely while already in a relationship, or while being far from family, in a “foreign land,” from the inability to satisfy the need for quality communication.
Is loneliness really so scary, and what do we put into this concept?
Let’s talk about this in the article, and also look at what is useful in it and how to transform loneliness into freedom.
What is loneliness and how to relate to it
Many people are afraid of loneliness, and I was no exception until I started engaging in spiritual development.
I looked at this feeling differently. Not as a terrible punishment, but as a resource, gaining experience, acquiring wisdom.
Loneliness is not a status, it is an emotional state of a person, which can have both a positive and a negative coloring.
More often, of course, people color it in a negative light. Notice, the person themselves gives the assessment, chooses this state.
Loneliness, like all qualities and emotions, has two sides: positive and negative, dark and light.
Another facet of this feeling is freedom. Look at it from exactly this side, and if you considered yourself lonely, you will understand that it was an illusion.
Let’s look at how these facets manifest in different circumstances.
Facets of Loneliness
The feeling of loneliness due to the inability to find a partner
People experience great suffering because of this. The absence of relationships poisons life.
I know about this from my own experience. For some time I was without a partner and felt lonely.
I can confidently say that the feeling of loneliness because you absolutely must be in a relationship is generated by society’s programs: to be married, to have a boyfriend/girlfriend, to necessarily start a family.
But in new times, when we are freeing ourselves from roles, programs, and beliefs, they no longer have the same influence as before. In big cities this is not as pronounced, but in small towns and villages, they still pay a lot of attention to it.
In the past, a single woman was looked at like a leper, so the worst thing for many was to be left alone. Women endured humiliation in marriage, violence, and infidelity.
Some people still live like that, and there is still that fear of being alone, which outweighs the fear of ending up next to a stranger for life.
I suggest looking at loneliness as freedom.
Read about what 15 steps will help you unlock your inner source of love.
Let’s take two different women as an example. Neither of them is in a relationship with a man.
One of them suffers from loneliness, tries to find flaws in herself and eradicate them in order to be liked by men.
The other lives a full life, travels, meets with friends, has a ton of hobbies, develops herself, and of course takes care of her body. But not to please a man, but because she loves herself and deserves this care.
And if we’re talking about relationships, which woman do you think will get more attention?
The first one will attract men who will reflect her lack of self-love back to her.
The second one will still be choosing, and it’s not a fact that she’ll trade her freedom for a relationship.
Why do I use women in this example? Because women suffer more from loneliness if they don’t have a partner. This, again, is programming, echoes of the past.
I talk about this in more detail in the article 4 Negative Programs That Prevent a Woman from Finding Happiness.
Loneliness in a Relationship
A common phenomenon is loneliness in a relationship — when you are not physically alone: you have a husband, a wife, but you still feel lonely.
It’s as if you live on different poles, in different worlds, speak and think in different languages.
What to do in this case? If it suits you, you can continue living like this. The choice is always yours.
But if you are suffering from it, first look within yourself.
Is this a temporary phenomenon, or has it always been this way? Maybe love has gone, or maybe it was never there at all. If it hurts to feel this way, but you are still together, think about why.
If you are afraid of being alone, look at the previous point.
But there are other reasons too. Sometimes a woman places certain expectations on a relationship with a man. She wants him to be a lover, a friend, and a girlfriend all in one — to share all her interests and hobbies.
If this is your case, let me say this. A man is not a girlfriend. Women tend to dissolve into men, while men always maintain their wholeness.
Remember this and also try to preserve yourself. Relationships are not everything. Just like him, you should have your own interests, social circle, and girlfriends. And it’s normal that you don’t spend all your free time together.
Re-evaluate your life together: how you live, how much you invest in the relationship, whether you have your own personal affairs and social life without your husband.
Perhaps you are experiencing loneliness for this very reason.
Review your beliefs about marriage and relationships, devote time to other areas of life, your own growth, and interests, and you will see that everything is not so tragic, but quite the opposite.
Listen to the training seminar “Freedom in Relationships” to understand the meaning of relationships from a spiritual point of view.
Spiritual Loneliness
I have derived a definition for myself — spiritual loneliness.
It’s when there are many people around you, loved ones, acquaintances, you have a wide social circle, but at the same time you experience a feeling of loneliness because you have no one among them to talk to heart-to-heart. About what interests you.
At one time, this upset me greatly; I wanted to share my spiritual experience, but my circle wasn’t interested. I found like-minded people virtually, but that wasn’t enough for me.
Then I outgrew it and began to meet people with similar values in real life; some of my loved ones started to come around. And I realized that I no longer had such a strong need for conversations about higher dimensions, spiritual practices, and so on.
You desperately need like-minded people when you yourself are still unsure of your own truth, seeking confirmation that there are other people like you.
And when this desire disappears, it’s a sign that you have grown, strengthened your inner core.
Another facet of spiritual loneliness is the moment of experiencing the dark night of the soul.
Your mentors have fulfilled their function of support and teaching, and now you no longer need their help.
They leave to make room for other teachers. And during the change of mentors, you remain as if alone. You just need to live through it in trust.
Neither phenomenon can be called loneliness when you understand the true nature and purpose of what is happening to you. Isn’t that so?
Take the meditation “The Bird of Your Freedom,” the purpose of which is to highlight different facets of each participant’s understanding of freedom and to supplement your personal vibrational signature with new rich shades.
The Benefits of Loneliness and How to Transform It into Freedom
Let’s return to the definition of loneliness. Since it is an emotional state, it means you can switch.
Perceiving this feeling as “I am lonely” is a victim state; perceiving it as freedom is a creator state.
If you look at your circumstances from the position of a victim, then you will be lonely and will prolong this state indefinitely.
To make it easier to switch to a state of freedom, let’s look at what benefit is hidden in loneliness:
- Loneliness allows you to be alone with yourself and use this time as a valuable resource for recovery. A certain part of people are introverts. And only in solitude can they restore their resource state.
- Only when you are one-on-one with yourself can you find the right answer that will help you make an important decision.
If you feel that you have ended up in a vacuum, first of all accept it as a given. Perhaps this is exactly the lesson you need right now, meaning you need this time to understand something.
See also How the Soul Plans Life Lessons and Whether Everything Depends on Your Choice
Each of us has moments of becoming, points of growth, when we can only arrive at important realizations while in solitude.
If the communication you crave is not available to you right now, perhaps you don’t actually need it. After all, all the answers are within.
Nothing happens for no reason, it’s all experience. It’s not for nothing that people deliberately go to a hermitage and become recluses. They do this to gain experience, knowledge, and wisdom that they could never obtain in any other way.
Some are given an even harder experience — the deprivation of freedom and communication for many years.
This is considered a very harsh punishment, during which a person can die or go insane.
But there are people who learn to perceive this as a potential for growth.
You can be physically free and yet be shackled in life, deprived of your own desires. Or you can be in confinement and be free in spirit, connected to universal wisdom and knowledge.
See also Three types of relationships. Do ideal relationships exist?