At one time, I collaborated with Pamela Kribbe — a channel that receives messages from Yeshua. From her, I received a lot of information about relationships from a spiritual and developmental perspective.
In short, previously, relationships between a man and a woman were mostly karmic in nature. Such relationships typically cause pain to at least one partner.
And their purpose is to heal yourself, become self-sufficient and let go of each other.
We wrote more about this type of relationship in the article Why You Choose the WRONG Men, or Karmic Relationships.
Since 2012, we have simply been replaying old scenarios, even though they have ceased to be effective. A karmic reset occurred then. And the only one who forces us to continue along the beaten path is ourselves.
Below, I offer my theory about relationships and their evolution, confirmed by life experience.
I distinguish three types of relationships, and in this article we will examine each one.
Three Types of Relationships
1. Trauma-to-Trauma Relationships
Absolutely everyone has gone through these relationships. You meet a person, fall in love, everything is wonderful at first, but over time, you start pushing each other’s “red buttons.”
Here, the Law of Similarity (like attracts like) comes into play, which in relationships manifests in the opposite direction.
The concave and the convex come together (like a screw and a nut). For example, a weak person attracts a strong, rigid manipulator who will push them around mercilessly. What for?
This is done to go through one’s lesson, for growth, and specifically to close and heal a certain trauma.
Very few people who grew up with Soviet parents were “loved enough,” cherished, and spared the harsh upbringing of the system. For the vast majority, it was the opposite, which is why many traumas emerged.
Parents needed the child to be convenient, obedient, and to do as they were told. As a result, the child grows up with a weakened solar plexus (willpower).
Such a person attracts a strong partner in marriage to work through this issue, to assert their own opinion, and to allow themselves the right to have that opinion.
This usually happens in the first marriage. But for many, it is a vicious cycle from which they cannot escape. Some live with one partner their entire lives in suffering and scandals, while others leave the relationship and enter into similar ones.
See also: The process of restoring one’s wholeness, or How to use your gift of love
Girls who have an inner emptiness begin to seek love externally and find self-centered men. What future do these relationships have?
If a woman starts working on herself, building herself up, and filling herself from within, she will no longer be satisfied with such relationships.
If the man does not want to change anything, these relationships will most likely fall apart.
Another scenario is when a woman leaves such relationships but does not learn her lesson, continuing to seek something to fill the void. She moves into other relationships, and the same thing repeats, sometimes in an even worse form. It even happens that the partners’ names coincide.
The task she entered these relationships with remains unresolved.
If you work on your mistakes, draw conclusions, and heal your traumas when you leave a traumatic relationship, there is a high probability that you will no longer attract partners who can cause pain. There is no longer any point in such learning.
There is a chance that a person matching your current level of development will appear. This is a natural desire of a woman who works on herself, as she has become whole from a half.
This does not mean that a new relationship with an equally self-sufficient partner will be ideal. Ideal relationships are illusions. These are rather partnership relations, on equal terms.
See also Claims in Relationships. What Space a Woman Creates for a Man
2. Partner Relations
Partner relations are relations between equal partners.
I use the word “partnership” not by chance, as it has no negative connotation.
Will you control your man, force him, coddle him, try to be a mommy for him? Will you check up on him, call him constantly, if these are equal relations?
On the other hand, should he coddle you, carry you in his arms? In equal relations, what you give is what you receive. The main principle here is mutual respect and the ability to negotiate.
This has little to do with our mentality. If people enter into such relations, they most likely will not know what to do with them.
See also Vertical Relations. What It Is and How to Build Them with People
3. Healing Relations
As a bridge between the first and second types of relations, healing relations appear.
The goal of such relations is to return, replenish what you lost in previous relations, close the holes that were formed earlier: love, attention, reverence, admiration.
If you have dissolved into a man before, in a healing relationship you may encounter a partner who will do everything for you, idolize you.
These are usually temporary relationships. Sometimes they can develop into something serious, but as a rule, these are short-lived relationships. The man’s interest usually fades quickly.
It is important to understand that if by this point you have become self-sufficient, filled from within, and independent, you will no longer cling to this relationship as a last resort — a relationship that suited you at some point but then stopped.
And to end them, various situations are created that help put a full stop. If you react in the old way — just so that someone is nearby — then how will they differ from type No. 1?
They are healing for a reason; they don’t need to be turned into a trauma-to-trauma relationship.
Moreover, from the man’s side, this can also be a healing relationship. And how they will develop further depends only on the two of you, on how tender and grateful you can be to each other.
If the healing relationship has soured, and the man has left you, do not hold onto him; this relationship has fulfilled its function.
Thank this man. Because now you are ready, open to a new relationship that will correspond to the new you.
Is it necessary to be in a relationship at all?
What if there are no permanent relationships? For a long time, it was believed that a woman/man must be in a relationship, get married.
This is just a stereotype that needs to be removed. Now is the time when these old programs are falling away, and many people live without relationships.
Young people aged 30 and younger are choosing not to have children. Moreover, many girls aged 18-25 are diagnosed with infertility because their souls came here with a different purpose: to realize themselves independently and enjoy their own lives. And that is normal.
Not every soul that incarnates on Earth has a relationship program.
If this does not bother you, then there is no need to do anything. If you experience discomfort or dissatisfaction with life, you need to look at what is blocking the creation of relationships.
Recall what the relationship between your parents was like, what your mother passed on, and what attitude towards women your father passed on.
See also: What it means to be a woman. From roles to purpose.
What to do if you want to play the role of a beloved, a wife, a mother.
Do harmonious relationships exist?
You should not cling to any standards, set a bar, and measure how harmonious and ideal your relationships are.
If we look at the example of nature, in the animal world, where have you seen animals that have paired relationships with a harmonious process?
There are only a few species in fauna that have relationships. In other cases, these are prides, harems, where there is one male and many females. The male appears when it is time to inseminate the females, and then goes on his way.
These are harmonious relationships from nature’s point of view. Everything else is invented by humans.
No one likes polygamy. Everyone wants a man to be “only mine” and not look at anyone else. But nature believes that harmony is something different.
To avoid illusions, look at what beliefs and attitudes are sitting in your head.
See also Why it is important to maintain personal space in relationships. Dependent and healthy relationship models
Share in the comments, have you experienced healing relationships? How long did they last?
The article is based on a broadcast within the rubric #conversation_on_the_couch “Healing Relationships”