The very idea of being yourself is great. But behind any idea lies a fairly deep layer of inner work to be done.
Why do you think it’s so hard to be yourself? I see at least two reasons, which I’ll share in this article. Read on to learn about them, as well as how to express your truth.
What does it mean to be yourself
The phrase “be yourself” holds a big catch. What does it mean to be yourself? What is “being yourself”?
Most people don’t know themselves. Think back to yourself five years ago—can you say you knew yourself back then? After all, every day, with every event, we discover ourselves anew: why did I react that way?
“Being yourself” is a phrase that sounds wonderful. But to understand how to be yourself and what it means, you need to realize where I am and where I am not. Because that’s where our traumas, our reactions live—and not just from this life, but a whole bunch of stuff accumulated over a lifetime.
And how do you determine where I am today, where I am from a month ago? Where am I reacting according to my new beliefs, new understanding, new experience, and where is some trauma squeaking and forcing me to react the old way?
The understanding of “being yourself” evolves and develops time and time again. Accordingly, we can’t cling to some old, established image of who we once were.
We have to constantly be flexible, to re-examine our beliefs and desires.
It’s an endless, eternal process.
Discover your Authentic Self and unlock inner sources of energy at the transformation seminar “Dance with the Shadow 3.0”. You will recognize and release shadow aspects of consciousness—repressed, alienated feelings, emotions, and personality traits.
Two reasons why it’s hard to be yourself
1. Not knowing yourself
This reason stems from what was said above. Many people find it hard to be themselves because they don’t know themselves, they don’t know why they behave a certain way in a given situation.
You’ve probably met those immature people who are already over 30 or over 40, yet they act like children. They have no sense of responsibility, they don’t keep their word, and they generally don’t understand why they did one thing instead of another.
Who among you has people like that in your circle: “Well, it just happened that way”? And when that person is far away or you barely know them, it’s easy to just not interact. But when they’re right next to you, and you’re constantly sitting on a volcano, it’s much harder.
Another case is when a person, from childhood and into adult life, has lived by others’ desires (parents’, spouses’, children’s) and doesn’t know their own. They don’t know what they want, they don’t know themselves. And it takes a lot of inner work to find and get to know your true self.
See also: How to Return to Your Authentic Self in Your Adult Version
2. Close people and the challenges they gift you
The second difficulty is the people close to you, with whom it’s hard to be yourself. First of all, they remember you in your old image.
For parents, children always remain children. Accordingly, no matter how much you change, no matter what successes you achieve in life, they remember you from the time you were knee-high to a grasshopper and through all your years of growing up. Accordingly, you cannot expect your parents to see you in a new way.
The same goes for old friends. It’s good if you have no common interests and you’ve gone your separate ways and don’t communicate. And if you do meet up with them, they tell some stories from the past, and you realize that’s no longer you.
Secondly, loved ones help us work through many things, illuminating traumas and limitations in a way that you can’t just walk past and it’s impossible not to notice. This is precisely what makes it difficult to be yourself around loved ones. Because you don’t want to go into conflict unnecessarily.
See also: Why Some People Annoy You for No Reason
There is one question, the answer to which will completely turn your perception of yourself upside down…
The difficulty of showing your true self to new people
For myself personally, I’ve noticed that, for example, I’ve become not very comfortable being in a group of new people and having to explain who I am over and over again.
Maris, my husband, runs a very large public event every year, and I have to show up in different places. People know who Alena Starovoitova is, they’ve heard about the Keys of Mastery project. And I don’t need to tell them who I am or what I do.
But for those who don’t know, I have to create some kind of diminished image of what can be shown in two or three minutes. And this creates discomfort. Why?
Masks and roles that we play get in the way. The role of mommy, the role of wife, boss, subordinate. And when we meet new people, every time, essentially, we face a choice: which part of ourselves, which facet of ourselves, of our truth, can we show these people?
Especially when we talk about esotericism, about spiritual practices. Who among you can say that you show this to everyone? I, for example, caught myself that when communicating with business people, I show my strong business side. And only later, softening it, I say that my topics are unconventional, spiritual practices and meditations.
Take the meditation “Time to Be Yourself and Choose YOURSELF” to anchor the state of “BEING YOURSELF” within yourself, so that you can carry it into every specific situation, into every specific relationship.
How words distort information
Every time we face the challenge of what to show to whom. How much we can demonstrate it. And if we talk about words, they distort information.
But how do you live so that you transmit this from within? After all, words mean nothing.
For example, the word “truth.” Truth is different for everyone; everyone has their own. I hope there is no one left among us who tries to impose it, especially on their loved ones.
For your loved ones, you are not a teacher or an advanced person, no matter what experience you have gained. No matter what you say to them, it will go in one ear and out the other.
If the same words are repeated by another, a stranger, they will listen to that person. I think this is completely normal, because we truly are not teachers for our loved ones.
Loved ones are our testing ground, where we go through our lessons, hone our skills, but nothing more.
How to transmit your truth without imposing it
Since words distort the picture, there’s no need to talk about anything. Show through your results.
How much has your life changed during your time with spiritual practices? Has it changed for the better? Write in the comments to the article.
When we do something, some practice, we get results and start living that way. Then, it turns out that it has become so integrated into your life that you no longer think about it, because it’s inside you.
What was once external, particularly published in someone else’s book or some material you read, has transformed from practice into personal experience. And you start transmitting it.
So if words cause you discomfort, don’t talk about what you do, but show the results — these are the changes that happened in my life.
Moreover, people will tell you: “You’ve become more alive, more active.” “You smile more often.” “Why are you always in such a good mood?” “How is it that everyone around is crying, but you’re smiling and approaching everything with positivity and humor?”
Both strangers and loved ones notice this. And that’s the perfect time to put in your two cents: “That’s because I do such and such.”
Take the meditation Being Yourself. How to express your truth with Love, to free yourself from the energy, emotions, beliefs, and limitations that prevent you from being yourself, and transmit your truth with love.
The Difference Between Transmitting and Imposing
Recently, I had to endure a whole battle in one of the chats. There was a man who, possessing knowledge everywhere by his own account, presented himself: “I can help you here, and help you here, and help you here, and help you here…”
I said, why be so pushy? People haven’t asked for your help. But he had such a wild need to share, which ultimately came out in a distorted form — I’m imposing.
And people now have a clear protest. If someone tries to impose something, it feels like disharmony inside. It’s like you’re receiving some kind of energetic blow.
A conflict of energies arises, you feel like you’re being shaken, and you get a wild urge to just run away.
If people don’t need it, don’t pull them, don’t try to show that this is another pill for happiness. Pills and magic bullets don’t work. You can’t force someone to love you.
You can’t force someone to be happy. Everyone has their own period of ripening, their own period of growing into certain things. And pulling them there by force is impossible. So the question arises, what should we do ourselves in this situation? Be yourself!
Write in the comments, do you manage to transmit your values without imposing? Is it difficult or easy for you to be yourself?
The article is written based on materials from the group meditation “Being Yourself. How to Express Your Truth with Love”