Each of you has experienced the state of resentment more than once and has your own unique threshold for touchiness.
Some people prefer not to sweat the small stuff. For others, just an unfriendly look is enough to trigger their pain button and bring on resentment.
Often, touchiness is considered a negative character trait that people try to get rid of. But few know about the positive side of resentment.
In this article, you will discover 10 facets of resentment and learn how touchiness can become a tool for growth.
10 facets of resentment
Let’s begin examining the state of resentment with the hidden benefits the offended person receives, and gradually move to the positive side of touchiness.
1. The state of resentment as a childish way to get approval
“Resenting and being indignant is like drinking poison hoping it will kill your enemies” (Nelson Mandela).
“If you have learned not to take offense, it means you have learned to look into another’s heart” (Amu Mom).
Realizing this wisdom didn’t come to me right away. Intellectually, I understood and agreed 100%, but that didn’t stop me from taking offense.
For as long as I can remember, I was touchy and thought that people and life were unfair to me. After all, I’m such a good person inside, but no one sees or appreciates it…
I would easily take offense at a tone of voice, a look, at actions and inaction, at events and the lack of them. But most often at those people or situations that didn’t live up to my expectations.
This created a feeling of disappointment and dissatisfaction with life.
I brought this behavior from childhood, and for a long time, already being an adult with my own family, I continued to remain a little capricious child inside.
See also: How to let go of resentment toward your father and why it’s important to do so
If you are unhappy with your relationship with your husband or men in general and want to improve it, or to meet the partner you dream of in the future, reconsider your relationship with your dad.
2. Resentment as a way to manipulate others
I was practically constantly in a state of resentment, which was quite difficult psychologically and physically, as it drained a lot of strength and energy.
Often, resentments were a way to manipulate other people.
Getting “beautifully” and demonstratively offended, evoking a feeling of guilt in another person, became an easy and familiar way to get what I needed.
After all, it’s much easier than learning to negotiate and respect an opinion different from your own.
3. Resentment as a way of self-affirmation
It was enough to accuse another of inappropriate treatment towards me, and this automatically boosted my sense of self-importance and significance. It also provided an opportunity to look and feel better and more righteous compared to the other person.
I masterfully played the role of an innocent victim, and my mind obediently painted before me the “offender” onto whom I could shift responsibility for what was happening in my life.
Did I realize what I was doing back then? Of course not. I was suffering from my own behavior and the role I had chosen. And I sincerely wanted to change it.
4. Resentment as a Way to Get Your Own Benefit
But nevertheless, I now realize that it was beneficial and convenient for me to live that way. After all, it’s convenient to think that nothing depends on you.
It’s convenient to change nothing and keep complaining about the injustice of the world, God, the government, or your loved ones. It’s convenient to feel unhappy, to pity yourself, and to want someone else to pity you.
It’s convenient to seek out the guilty all around you, justifying yourself. It’s convenient and pleasant to consider yourself better than others.
And to believe that life will surely punish your offenders and reward you for your suffering.
This is convenient, but… foolish. As foolish as crying from anger and helplessness when something in your life doesn’t go the way you wanted.
5. The State of Resentment as a Sign of Pride and Self-Dislike
It was hard to admit and accept that my excessive touchiness was a manifestation of pride and self-dislike. After all, when I take offense, I inevitably place my desires above those of another person.
And if they don’t share them, I feel rejected, misunderstood, unloved. This state is destructive and brings unbearable suffering.
It is precisely with the acknowledgment of this fact that the journey to yourself begins. And the enormous work of freeing yourself from false beliefs.
In order to clear out everything you once considered confirmation of your own worth. But in reality, you didn’t value yourself, didn’t accept yourself, and didn’t love yourself.
See also: How to Learn to Accept Yourself: 6 Ways
6. Resentment as a Trap of the Mind
Admit honestly to yourself, where are you accustomed to controlling, restraining your own expressions, and demanding this from others? When do you keep dictating to yourself and others how things should be and how they shouldn’t?
In what moments do you mentally trap yourself in denial and dissatisfaction with life as it is?
In what situations do you judge and pass sentence, criticize yourself and others, “label” things, compare to ideals created by an eternally dissatisfied mind, and suffer because reality doesn’t match your expectations?
Ask yourself: do you want to keep playing this game and create your reality this way?
Read: How to Use Negative Personality Traits to Your Advantage
7. The State of Resentment as a Path to Mindfulness
Gradually came understanding, and then awareness, that people are not obligated to live up to our expectations. Just as we are not obligated to live up to anyone’s expectations, not even our own.
The world doesn’t revolve only around me, and everyone has the right to express their feelings, emotions, and freedom of action, just as I do.
That unpleasant events are not a punishment, but just another lesson that shows me what is happening inside me and what I need to work on.
Having accepted this wisdom within, I felt that life became easier and more pleasant.
See also 10 principles of a conscious person
Check if you are following all of them.
8. Resentment as a path to acceptance
It happens that resentment plays the role of a catalyst for significant changes in life. It helps to trigger inner transformations and deep realizations, and even inspires creativity.
This is how the positive side of states that many are used to considering negative manifests itself.
Understand that whatever your feelings and emotions are in a given situation, they all have the right to exist. Do not judge yourself for what you feel.
Accept it as a clue. And you will discover the deeper meaning of what is happening. Accepting yourself as you are is one of the highest expressions of mastery.
Also, do not expect that the long-awaited moment will ever come when you will stop feeling offended altogether.
I’m not saying it’s impossible, but you shouldn’t expect it, because every situation that shows signs of resentment will become a disappointment for you and will return you to the state of a victim.
9. Resentment as a stimulus for movement
I have been working with the topic of resentment and emotions for a long time. I must admit that this was one of the main reasons that once prompted me to begin my spiritual development.
And I can clearly see changes in myself now that I can be proud of.
But every time I think that I am in control of the situation and have achieved the desired result, something happens that knocks me out of balance and shows me what else I should pay attention to.
10. Resentment as a tool for development
Any resentment is an experience that contributes to your development. For the soul, there is no negative experience — any experience is important and valuable.
You shouldn’t try to get rid of character traits you don’t like, because by fighting them, you are fighting yourself. And by doing so, you only strengthen and increase their manifestation.
Transform your shortcomings into strengths and transform resentment into the wisdom of the soul. Then any of your life experiences will become a treasure. And you will become a true Magician and Master of your life!
In the next article on this topic, you will learn how I used resentment as a tool for the evolution of the soul and transformed it into wisdom.