How often do you not want to live through your experience, in other words, the present moment, escaping into the future or the past?
Or do you fantasize about what could have happened instead of what is happening now?
What is the reluctance to live your real life connected to, as well as the benefits and harms of fictional reality and how to stop avoiding your experience, read in the article.
The world of “what if…” fantasies
Notice how sometimes you drift off into fantasies, creating a parallel reality?
An accident happened on the road. You are fine, your car is not damaged, but someone else’s is wrecked, and an ambulance is taking a person away.
You think: “What if I were in that place? This could have happened to me!”.
And for the next few hours, and sometimes days and months, you replay various versions of this event in your head with you in the lead role — the role of the victim. Isn’t that right?
- “What if my car had been in that place and I had died…” — a fantasy about your own death,
- “What if I had taken that job and gotten the promotion…” — a fantasy about success,
- “If only he were with me…” — a fantasy about romantic relationships.
See also: Mind Games. What role does the mind play in the new reality and why you shouldn’t rely on it
Observe yourself throughout the day and identify the fantasies that capture you most often.
See also: 10 principles of a conscious person
The benefits of fictional reality
“If only” is a world of dreams in which we play out various ideas, variations of our lives.
The benefit of recognizing the “parallel universe” in our head is that these fantasies and ideas are a source of valuable knowledge about ourselves, about what experiences we might want to live through, obtain, or feel.
Even if, at first glance, the desire for some experience might seem strange to you (since it is not a pleasant one!) — do not rush to argue with it.
Look carefully: why might such an experience be useful to you?
Most often, in our fantasies, we do not go all the way, but only play out the beginning of an idea: a possible death, getting a promotion, entering a relationship.
Do not stop; go deeper. What will happen after the fantasy comes true?
- “In that car’s place was mine, and now I am gone.” — What next?
- “I got a promotion.” — What next?
- “He is with me.” — What next?
What are you looking for in all of this?
Go all the way to the end. What you discover there will surprise you.
See also: How self-betrayal manifests and how to change it
The harm of the “parallel universe”
On the other hand, the world of fantasies is depriving yourself of the experience you are getting right now.
For example, you were not injured in a car accident; by some miracle, your car was swept aside.
You are experiencing the experience of a person who “got lucky,” whom fate spared! Another person experiences the experience of a “victim.” He has suffered serious damage and is going to the hospital.
Imagine that each of you is fantasizing about being in someone else’s place:
- “Oh, if only I were lucky…” — thinks the “victim,”
- “If I were in his place!!!…” — thinks the “survivor” (in this horror, as we know, there is also an interest in such an experience).
But each of you, escaping into fantasies, is NOT living the experience that is given to you at this moment.
Avoiding your own experience is just a habit. Learning to directly live the experience happening to you is very important.
Use the following questions when you notice you have escaped into fantasies:
- What is happening to me right now?
- Am I fantasizing or living what is actually happening?
- What am I trying to avoid?
- Can I face this face to face?
See also: The Path to Yourself, or How to Be Honest with Yourself
Find out how honesty towards yourself is beneficial.
Why you avoid living your own experience
Often a person does not want to live what is. They seek a more pleasant or more interesting experience.
While talking to a friend who is burdening you with problems, you escape into fantasies about a cozy solitude at home. While doing boring (unloved) work, you dream about a vacation.
While walking in the park, you imagine how much fun you could be having right now in a noisy company with friends.
The ability to wander “in other worlds,” where it is more pleasant and interesting, “saves” you from the need to deal with what is.
After all, meeting what is requires awareness and courage from you, direct actions, and sincerity.
First of all, with yourself.
The article Fullness of Life from a Spiritual Perspective — How to Return to Yourself reveals one of the reasons why people avoid their experience.
How to Stop Avoiding Your Experience
I have derived an algorithm that will help you meet your experience:
1. Make a firm decision not to avoid your real life.
2. When you catch yourself fantasizing, ask yourself: “What am I avoiding right now?”
3. After that, shift your attention to the surrounding reality — the event, person, or environment. Ask yourself: “What do I think about this?”
4. Now turn your attention to feelings. Ask yourself: “What do I feel about what is happening?”
5. Then look at the sensations in your body. Ask yourself: “What is happening with my body right now?” Thoughts, feelings, emotions, bodily sensations — all of this is a unified reaction of your organism to what is happening here and now.
6. Ask yourself: “Can I stay with this without running away? Can I accept what I am experiencing at this moment and live it fully?” or “Can I change this experience right now?”
Be grateful to life for any experience.
See also The Process of Bringing the Unconscious into Awareness. The Need for Revisions and Tracking Your Progress