It is easy to love yourself when you have achieved something and feel on top of the world. But what happens when that love ends at the moment of failure or an emotional breakdown?
How to maintain self-love during such a period? After all, it is precisely at this moment that you most need support, understanding, and love, yet you usually receive condemnation from your own self.
Find out why it is so difficult to accept your state when you have failed and how to do it in this article.
At the moment of failure, what distinguishes a conscious person from an unconscious one?
A victim-person suffers and blames someone for their failure, while a conscious person tries to accept themselves, the situation, live through this moment, and find wisdom.
But not every emotional breakdown is related to a conflict or a learning situation.
The causes of a breakdown can be a lack of resources, the arrival of key dates, the load of new energies, personal cycles, ups and downs.
Many people living a conscious life fall into such a trap, thinking that it is impossible to experience negative emotions, that it is unacceptable to react inadequately to external stimuli.
They scold themselves for such manifestations and cannot accept them. But what to do if it still happens? That is what we will figure out.
Why it is difficult to accept yourself in moments of emotional breakdown
Our world is dual. And many of us are raised based on duality: bad — good, strengths — weaknesses, obedience — unacceptable behavior.
Everything you do and say is constantly being evaluated. It is easier to earn love and approval for a compliant, cheerful, polite person, in other words — a convenient person.
But when a person displays negative emotions, people turn away from them. They become inconvenient.
People project this attitude onto themselves. And here is what happens. When a person is in a good mood, full of energy, they like themselves.
They perceive this state as something natural, as the norm — it should always be this way.
But when an emotional downturn occurs, negative emotions come to the surface, and the person cannot/does not want to do what they did when they felt good.
They judge themselves, wanting this state to end as quickly as possible.
It is easy to fall into self-judgment, especially if you are engaged in spiritual growth, monitoring your thoughts, maintaining a positive attitude, and taking responsibility for your thoughts and actions.
In such a case, the downturn is often perceived as a personal failure: “I have done so much, put in so much work on myself, I should not be experiencing such emotions or reacting this way!”
Every person has both light and dark within them. If you cannot accept yourself in moments of downturn, it means you love yourself only halfway. But the dark is also an integral part of you.
Maybe it is time to work with the shadow and embrace your hidden aspects? If you are ready, we invite you to the basic course “Dance with the Shadow.”
Self-rejection in such moments indicates a lack of self-knowledge, that a person does not know their potential and real capabilities, and does not respect their inner resource.
When you accept your cyclical nature, the fact that a rise is followed by a decline, and that you have the right to be in a bad mood, you will be able to minimize the occurrence of these states.
Knowing your resource, you will not allow it to become depleted. And when it approaches zero, you will stop in time and focus on restoring it.
Regarding personal cycles, you will be able to study yourself and determine approximately after what interval and under what conditions a downturn occurs, and prepare for it.
You will stop demanding the impossible from yourself and will not allow others to do so.
The same applies to cosmic energies. If you feel you have fallen into 3D for an unknown reason, look at the calendar.
Perhaps a key date is approaching (equinox, solstice, full moon, new moon, etc.).
See also Stress Prevention. How to Make Your Life Harmonious
Read about what actions can help prevent or reduce falling into the 3D matrix.
How to Accept Yourself During an Emotional Low
Loving yourself in a moment of low is great mastery, but this mastery can be acquired.
I offer 7 ways that can help with this.
1. Do Not Divide the World into Black and White
Free yourself from judgment of behavior, actions, thoughts, people. Do not color emotions as positive or negative, and then you will be able to accept yourself in any manifestation.
Undoubtedly, in an elevated state you have access to more ideas, you have more strength, and your stress resistance is increased. But even in a state of decline, you can find positives.
For example, you can allow yourself to rest. By the way, emotional lows occur more often if you do not do this consciously.
See also How to Recover After Processing, Spiritual Work. Cheat Sheet for Quick Recovery
2. Do Not Be Cruel to Yourself
Show yourself compassion, just as you would for another person.
It is easier to forgive another than yourself. You often have heightened demands on yourself: “I should have done better here,” “I failed again,” “I snapped at the child again,” and so on.
Stop demanding that you constantly be strong, invulnerable, and perfect. This is cruel to yourself.
Our entire planet is deliberately created imperfect. That is the point. We are all perfect in our imperfection here. Everything is as it should be.
Remember that at the moment of an unseemly action or reaction, you did everything that was available to you. You could not have predicted in advance what would happen.
If you acknowledge this, perhaps next time you will be able to avoid reacting or to emerge from an emotional slump with the least losses.
See also: How to support yourself in moments of low spirits
3. Allow yourself to be vulnerable
Accept that you currently have the resources you have. No more, no less. Your reaction depends on their availability.
The higher your internal resource, the higher your level of awareness, the more options you see.
Proceed from your real capabilities and allow yourself to be a little vulnerable.
Do not rush to get rid of this state, as such an attitude creates resistance. And resistance to acceptance slows down the process of letting go.
As soon as you accept yourself as you are, you will feel relief.
Vulnerability in society is associated with weakness, but this is not the case. Read the article: Being vulnerable — weakness or a display of strength.
4. Forget about others’ opinions in this moment
People often blame themselves when they face failure, let someone down, or simply experience a negative range of feelings.
This is compounded by the expectations of others about who you should be. If this topic bothers you, it will only make things worse. Not only have you failed, but you will also torment yourself over who thinks what about you.
The last thing you need right now is to focus on this. If maintaining good relationships is important to you, first restore your own resources, and then talk to the person.
5 ways will help you overcome dependence on others’ opinions.
5. Lower the bar, realistically assess your capabilities
People often do not accept themselves in moments of emotional downturn because they perceive themselves as helpless and useless.
And this is another signal from your belief system that a person can only be loved for something, not just as they are.
During a low period, you should not set yourself as many tasks as during a high period. These are different levels of capability. It is like forcing yourself to run a hundred meters with a broken leg.
Set priorities and do only what is important and urgent. Leave what can wait for later.
At the end of the day, be sure to note how much you have done, even the smallest thing, and praise yourself. Your level of self-acceptance will increase.
See also A person’s resource state. Why it is important to maintain it and what happens when you are out of resources
6. Rejoice if you have failed
A somewhat strange piece of advice, but it makes sense.
In any failure, there is a hidden grain of wisdom, new experience, new knowledge. And it does not matter whether this failure is related to a setback, a lack of resources, or new energies descending upon the planet.
An emotional failure gives a reason to dive into yourself, to “sink,” to fall to the very bottom in order to find the grain of wisdom. This is a way of knowing yourself.
You cannot know yourself if you want to see only good qualities in yourself and turn away from the shadowy ones. An emotional failure allows you to see yourself as a whole: both the light and the dark.
See also: On a first-name basis with empathy. The pitfalls and gifts of empathy
7. Do not identify yourself with your emotions
Your feelings do not define you.
If you are angry, it does not mean you are a malicious person; if you failed to cope, it does not mean you are stupid and irresponsible.
It is simply that today you have turned a different facet of yourself. Like a kaleidoscope, you turned it slightly left or right, and the pattern changes. The patterns are different; they are neither bad nor good.
When you come to this and accept the failure, you will be able to accept yourself. And from that point, you will go upward. You will already have a choice: to stay down there or to gradually rise.
Read about how to move from resignation to acceptance in the article Why we resist resignation and what its true value is.
The state of decline drags on as long as you resist acceptance. The more you fight yourself, identifying yourself as an angry, worthless person, the more your belief in this grows, which, of course, will find confirmation.
Every negative emotion also has a positive side, a meaning:
- Envy — motivation to action,
- Malice and anger — activity, defending one’s interests,
- Hatred, fear — love.
Acceptance will help you turn the vector of this emotion into a more productive channel.
I hope that now, in moments of emotional breakdown, you will be able to show care and compassion toward yourself.
This will help you return to a creative state as quickly as possible.