“We must make the choice to free ourselves
and forgive everyone without exception, especially ourselves.
Even if we don’t know how to forgive, we must strongly desire to.”
Louise Hay
Everyone has experienced resentment at some point in their life. And many of you are familiar with the unwillingness to forgive the person who caused harm.
You carry this burden with you day after day, cherishing your wounded feelings, feeling sorry for yourself.
But what good does this bring you? By recalling the offense, you plunge into the events of the past over and over again, poisoning the present.
How do you let go of this pain? What is true forgiveness? What does it mean to know how to forgive and how do you get there?
If these questions have come up for you, then you are on the path to genuine forgiveness.
Learn how to move from a state of self-pity to liberation, gaining strength and inner harmony.
What is forgiveness
What do you feel when you are offended?
Everything inside tightens, you feel as if you are bound, your awareness narrows. You look at the world through the prism of your feelings and don’t see the whole picture.
When you hold a grudge against someone, you give all your energy to feeding that resentment.
In this state, your heart is closed, and you are unable to give love. You cannot love yourself or your loved ones.
What is forgiveness?
There is an opinion that forgiveness is an act of mercy. By forgiving out of nobility, you fall into a trap. The resentment remains, but on a deeper level.
Your ego, inflated by showing magnanimity toward the offender, tries to hide your true feelings.
You are still hurt, but now you are forced to hide it from yourself and everyone else.
In society, it is also believed that giving in and forgiving is weakness and lack of will. But in reality, it is a display of strength.
By forgiving, you become vulnerable, but at the same time, you gain strength and stop being dependent on the feelings that destroy you.
Holding a grudge against someone, no matter how much pain they caused you, means staying in a victim state.
To forgive sincerely, accepting the situation, means to set yourself free.
By letting go of the past, you remove the dam built from grievances, aggression, anger, and resentment.
Energy begins to flow from your heart, washing away painful emotions. At that moment, a transformation happens within you, and you step onto a new turn of your spiritual evolution.
See also: What the state of resentment teaches you. 10 facets of touchiness
Look at the state of resentment from different angles to understand how this feeling can be used for your own growth.
Which grievances are hardest to let go of
The deepest grievances are those against loved ones: parents, spouses.
It all starts with parents. You hold claims for not being loved enough, abandoned, unsupported, reproached, criticized, not believed in, and so on.
A child places so many expectations on their parents. And often, they cannot handle that volume.
As we grow up, we understand that our parents loved us the best they could, but the resentment still remains in the heart. It sinks into the unconscious.
And then it is projected onto life partners.
Everything we didn’t get enough of from our parents, we transfer onto our spouses, who, in turn, give us reasons to feel offended, to hold grievances, and so on.
But don’t forget that we choose our parents ourselves long before birth. And they fulfill all the conditions and requirements of the contract made on the subtle plane.
Parents are the most powerful catalysts for our inner changes. The bitterest grievances hide important lessons and realizations.
If for some reason we didn’t learn these lessons with our parents, we transfer them onto our partners: husbands, wives.
Take a closer look at your life, analyze the chain of key events starting from childhood, and you will surely find that truth which you actually came here to earth for, in this incarnation.
Ask yourself, what lesson did you choose to learn with the help of your parents?
To find out what your parents taught you, this article “Me and My Shadow” will help you.
Why you need to forgive
“As soon as a person gets sick,
they need to look in their heart for who they need to forgive.”
Louise Hay
Who needs forgiveness more, the offender or you?
Not everyone who caused you pain knows about it. And not everyone feels guilty.
But you walk around with your resentment or feeling of betrayal constantly.
You replay that traumatic situation over and over again, destroying yourself from the inside.
This pain is always with you. You cling to it with a death grip. The longer you hold onto the resentment, the harder it is to let it go.
Energy depleted, you don’t live life to the fullest, you don’t feel happiness, you are incapable of loving because your heart is closed.
Also read “Why a Closed Heart is Dangerous for You”.
It’s no secret to anyone anymore that thoughts, backed by emotions, are material. What we send out to the Universe comes back to us multiplied.
By resisting forgiveness, you put yourself in great danger.
On the etheric plane, energy clots form, which later turn into real physical illnesses.
See below which diseases are caused by unforgiven grievances:
How to forgive someone for betrayal
“Don’t think about what your forgiveness means for your opponents, those who hurt you in the past. Enjoy what forgiveness gives you. Learn to forgive, and it will become easier for you to move towards your dreams, unburdened by the baggage of the past.”
Nick Vujicic
Moving from resentment to forgiveness means moving from a state of victim to a state of creator.
First of all, you need to want to forgive.
If you are consumed by resentment, it won’t even occur to you that forgiveness is the best way to resolve the situation.
Instead, you mull over scenarios of what you would have said or done in that situation, how to behave with that person going forward, and how to punish them.
All offenders are our teachers.
We subconsciously want to be offended and therefore attract such people into our lives. Why do we do this? Everyone has their own answer.
There is not a single offense inflicted on us just for the sake of suffering. They all contain a gem, and once we discover it, we become wiser.
Use 5 ways to find the pearl of wisdom in a traumatic situation.
Allow yourself to look at the situation from this angle, and you will see what truly lies hidden behind the offense.
The more painful the inflicted wound, the more valuable the experience contained within it.
When you realize the hidden value of betrayal, you will understand that there is nothing to forgive. And you will feel gratitude and unconditional love for the offender.
If situations where you are betrayed or humiliated constantly occur in your life, it indicates that you stubbornly refuse to see something important, something necessary for your spiritual development.
Understand that the soul does not take pleasure in causing pain.
On a subconscious level, a person suffers when forced to behave this way. Some part of them does not understand why they act like this.
By forgiving, you free both yourself and them from fulfilling this contract. You give the person the opportunity to show their true feelings towards you.
See also: The Trauma of Betrayal. How to Restore Emotional Balance if You Feel Betrayed
10 Steps from Offense to Forgiveness
We have created an infographic especially for you, outlining the main steps that help you reach forgiveness:
Embarking on the path of forgiveness is not easy.
You need courage to look at betrayal as a problem you created. But only the first step is difficult.
By realizing the true role of the offender in your life, you are able to truly forgive them, accepting your feelings.
In this way, you make room for love and compassion in your heart, change your life, and become wiser.
Wishing you success on this path. May it be easy!
We would appreciate it if you write in the comments what useful things you learned from this material!