The main line of the Keys of Mastery project in terms of personal transformation is self-acceptance and healing your shadow aspects. We often talk about this topic, many articles have been written, and there is a basic course — the transformation seminar “Dance with the Shadow 3.0”.
Despite this, our readers and project participants ask many questions about the very concept of the Shadow, what shadow aspects of personality are, and how it all works.
In this article, we will break down the fundamentals. You will learn what your shadow parts are, what masks and roles are, how the illumination of shadow aspects occurs, and most importantly, how this will help you return to your true Self.
The concept of the true Self and what the shadow, masks, and roles are
There is the real you — your true Self. At the same time, there exists everything that is not your true Self.
From this, two categories can be distinguished.
On one hand, there is your true Self. Everyone who embarks on the path of spiritual development strives for it. The spiritual seeker aims to become it, to connect with it, to merge with it.
On the other hand, there are many things that prevent you from being this true Self. These are your shadow/unacknowledged parts of you, masks, roles.
Shadow aspects of personality
This includes everything you have suppressed, hidden from yourself — everything you do not acknowledge, deny, reject (both bad and good).
This is the Shadow in the classical sense.
It is these unacknowledged parts that cause a sharp emotional reaction in other people, because there, as in a mirror, you see yourself.
The Shadow is one of the manifestations of the inauthentic you.
The main sign of the Shadow’s “voice” is your negative emotional reactions to something.
See also Healing the Shadow. The space for accepting inner demons
Read about what to do with your Shadows and what practice can help accept them.
Your masks
The non-true Self includes masks that every person wears, and which often turn out to be terrible, not beautiful carnival masks.
For example, inside you feel pain, tears, resentment, but on the outside you display composure and calmness.
Such a mask seems acceptable for work situations.
It is sad when you continue to wear the mask of composure in situations where, as a woman, you have the right to show your vulnerability, weakness, and ask for help and support.
An example of a mask is well described in this article. Read — The Invisible Man, or How the Invisibility Trauma Appears and Ways to Eliminate It.
Your roles
Also, the sphere lying beyond your true Self includes the roles you play out in life.
A role does not mean something bad. It is what you have accepted by default as a given — that this is how it should be.
As a rule, a person does not even question it or allow themselves to doubt:
- who said it should be exactly this way?
- in which law is it written that a person must be exactly like this?
- who established that they must behave only this way?
This sphere includes all attitudes and expectations about what a mother should be, what is required of a child, how a man should behave in marriage, and so on.
There are many roles, and often, even realizing the absurdity of the role-based “codes of laws,” a person obediently follows them.
In the current realities, the role-based structure of the game inevitably dissolves. Roles gradually fall away.
See also How to remember the divine within yourself and what it means to be a divine mirror for another
Periods of illumination of shadow aspects of personality
Currently, higher powers are directing large flows of energy to illuminate everything untrue.
There is your true Self and there is you now – somewhere shadows, somewhere masks, somewhere roles – a kind of “vinaigrette” that prevents you from being true.
All of this is actively being illuminated, both during energetically charged periods and on ordinary days. Everyone has their own pain point – a certain trigger that initiates a negative reaction.
In the distorted mirrors that your loved ones show you, you see yourself but do not recognize it. You believe that another’s behavior relates only to them.
Periods of illumination, especially through close surroundings, can be perceived as difficult, particularly emotionally. This is the ordinary life of the Shadow.
This life actively comes to the forefront during energetically charged periods, when higher powers direct an intensified spotlight onto your life.
Accordingly, during such periods, what was in halftones, in semi-darkness, what you preferred not to notice, suddenly stands before you in full height.
Periods of activation of the personal Shadow are experienced differently by different people.
For pioneers who work intensively on themselves, the Shadow may manifest within the limits of energetically charged portals.
There are those who have already resolved many issues related to their own Shadow, and these people experience “shadow portals” calmly, in a normal mode.
The current energies are such that gradually, an increasing number of people are being caught in the spotlight’s beam.
Earth and humanity are on a path where all blocks, obstacles, and barriers preventing a person from being themselves must be brought to light.
Much of what was hidden from oneself within and continues to be hidden will be revealed to everyone.
See also How the Light Works, or What It Means to Be a Mirror for Those Awakening
Working with the Shadow: Should You Evaluate Your “Successes”
If you are going through shadow portals without changes, do not rush to evaluate the situation from the mind: “since nothing happened in a day, it means I am an excellent student, and only the ‘failures’ are being shaken up.”
The desire to evaluate yourself grows from a program that sits inside you. This program is capable of giving you only two options: “either I am on top” or “I am a complete loser.”
Give up evaluation. Stop evaluating yourself, especially through the prism of some spiritual things.
It is great just as you have it now. If you are not being shaken up, simply rejoice in it, simply enjoy it – without evaluation.
If you feel bad, simply take out your toolbox and do the work – without evaluation.
See also How to Recognize What Your Emotional Reactions and Shadow Projections Are Saying
Parents as Mirrors of the Shadow
Mirror reflections can be direct. Often, direct mirroring can be observed in relationships with parents.
For example, an adult woman may deny her mother (the qualities inherent in her) her entire life, until one day she realizes that she herself possesses many of these qualities.
Oaths that you unconsciously make to yourself often trigger in relation to your parents: “I will never be like them.”
From the moment of the oath, you begin to behave exactly as your parents do, and you do not notice it.
See also [Me and My Shadow] WHY you chose these particular parents
Three questions for refocusing on the true Self
There are three questions that will help you better recognize when you are manifesting yourself from the untrue Self, and switch yourself to the true Self.
They will be especially effective in working with masks.
1. What is in front of me and is not me?
The first question: what is in front of me and is not me?
Many get stuck on the first question, not understanding what it is about.
Often, instead of working on and solving the issues that are right in front of you, you cling with your mind to something that has nothing to do with you at all.
For example, it is autumn outside, winter is coming soon.
Instead of solving issues related to the current preparation for winter, taking inventory of winter clothes or making necessary purchases, etc., a person’s attention is focused on events in America. All their energy goes in that direction.
Instead of solving the tasks that are right in front of the person, their focus of attention is in a different place.
Or, a woman reads a post about unfair treatment of cats and dogs. And off she goes… – “I am compassionate, I am drowning in this injustice!”.
In this example, the person also refuses to solve the issues that are right in front of them.
Instead of seeking a solution to current issues, the mind begins to latch onto anything.
In this way, it “evades” solving the tasks that are currently present in your space and require your direct involvement.
Constantly ask yourself: what is now in front of me and is not me?
As soon as you discover something that “is not you,” immediately cross it out. Do not let your mind lead you away from what you truly need.
If you choose to follow the mind’s lead, do not be surprised that you have no time left for yourself and your own affairs.
Energy/time flows elsewhere, and you are left with a zero result.
A similar phenomenon is described in time management. In the morning, you start on an important task that, for example, could bring you substantial income, but in the process of completing it, you unconsciously get distracted by everything that simultaneously enters your space.
As a result, you pour a huge amount of time into completing the task, but in the end, the task remains unresolved.
Be careful: the saboteur inside you is always on the alert.
He is always eager to deal with other people’s issues to prevent you from attending to yourself, and thus, from focusing on your true self.
See also How to make the highest choice and focus on it
2. In what way am I currently acting that is not who I am?
The second question overlaps with the first. It sounds like this: in what way am I currently acting that is not who I am?
This question includes various variations, including these:
- where am I adapting?
- where am I trying to be good?
- where am I trying not to offend another – at my own expense?
- what will they think or say about me?
- what impression am I making?
Every time you break yourself “to please them,” you take a step away from your true self, you move further from yourself.
Check the motivation behind each of your actions with this question. What motive lies behind your action? Why are you doing this? Are you doing it “in order to what”?
See also: How to Return to Your Authentic Self in Your Adult Version
3. Where am I acting out of obligation rather than my own choice?
The third question that brings you back to your true self is: where am I acting out of obligation rather than my own choice?
Obligations can be external, when you really have to do something. And there are internal obligations, when you have convinced yourself that you owe something.
Obligations grow out of roles and your role-based attitudes.
You may have a certain idea of how a good mother should behave, etc. However, most of those who play the role of good mothers unconsciously cause a lot of harm to their children.
If you experience a sharp negative reaction (aggression, irritation, anger) to the behavior of a loved one, determine what specifically upsets you about their behavior.
For example, as a mother, you are irritated by the behavior of your adult child. By writing out your grievances in detail (your daughter is a slob, doesn’t listen to you, ignores what is important to you, etc.), you will be surprised to find that you should be grateful for such a child.
Unlike you, your daughter does what is convenient for her, what she wants, what she chooses.
Ask yourself: where are you acting out of obligation rather than by your own choice. Most likely, unlike you, your daughter is acting by her own choice.
To analyze your situation and understand it better, you need to write it out in detail. Until the answers to the questions are written down, they remain in your head as a formless thought mixer.
When you write down your answers, you will be able to see where you are not allowing yourself to be yourself.
The bulk of parents’ complaints about their children, especially teenagers, is exactly about this: they allow themselves, but you do not. This is pure Shadow.
You do not allow yourself because you think you must. And your children do not, and this is their gift they bring to you (if this is your case).
See also: How to stop sacrificing yourself without being selfish
Add these three questions to your toolkit.
If you get into something unpleasant, check yourself against these three points without delay.
You can go through periods of activation of the false self quite calmly.
For some, it may shine through powerfully, and then the person will react emotionally sharply. For others, it is enough to test themselves (the day’s situations) at the end of each day using these three questions.
If your sensitivity intensifies during a period of Shadow illumination, do not lock away your feelings, allow yourself to feel. If heightened sensitivity greatly interferes, put up protection, disconnect from people.
During such periods, give yourself more rest. Learn to voice your desires and needs.
If you know exactly which overload increases your sensitivity, try to avoid that increased burden.
Share in the comments what difficulties you encounter in detecting shadow aspects, what you have already healed, and what you are currently working on?
The article is based on a broadcast from the #conversation_on_the_couch section «#59 Portal of the Shadow Self»
P.S. We invite you to the transformation seminar «Dance with the Shadow 3.0» to identify shadow aspects of the personality, know your Authentic Self, and unlock inner sources of energy.
Program details here >>