A well-known song has these lyrics: “Don’t bend to a changeable world, let it rather bend to us.”
Everyone finds their own meaning in this. There are people who constantly adapt to others, and there are those who believe the world revolves only around them.
Both are extremes. In this article, we’ll try to find the golden mean.
Read on to learn what it means to be flexible, why being flexible is beneficial for life, and how to develop this skill.
What happens when you adapt
When a person adapts to someone else’s interests, standards, or demands, they lose a part of themselves, they stifle their own song.
A person does this out of fear of being alone, misunderstood, abandoned, or unloved.
Initially, the person considers themselves worse than others, and other people’s interests are more important than their own.
In some cases, this behavior is justified, if the other person is a small child who cannot take care of themselves.
Otherwise, a “policy of acquiescence” at the expense of one’s own interests leads to a loss of self. And then you have to spend years of your life to regain your wholeness.
The transformation seminar “Dance with the Shadow” will help you reclaim lost parts of yourself, accept and understand yourself, and see your uniqueness.
Where the habit of adapting comes from
Adapting to others is precisely a habit. A person automatically acts to please others; it’s their primary reaction.
How it develops. When parents tell a child over and over: “Give the toy to your brother, he’s younger,” “Wait, adults (older/younger ones) first, then you.”
These words are imprinted in the child’s subconscious, and they begin to think that they themselves are not important, that their desires are secondary by default.
At the age of 2-3, a child develops the solar plexus chakra, which is responsible for willpower and expressing uniqueness.
If a child is not allowed to develop it at this age, the chakra will be deficient, leading to a lack of self-confidence and weak will.
All children are different; some are not affected by strict parental prohibitions, while others take them seriously, fearing the loss of parental love and approval.
This is how the habit of adapting is formed.
There are even some pluses here. It’s easier for a person to live by adapting and not conflicting. They don’t have to waste energy, which is already scarce, every time proving that they need something too. It’s calmer.
Often, such people don’t even have their own desires. If you ask such a person what they want, they will be at a loss.
Also read: How to stop sacrificing yourself without being an egoist
From the article, you will learn why people sacrifice themselves for others, whether this sacrifice is justified, and how to give up such behavior.
The antithesis of compliance
Now we move to the other extreme, when a person DOES NOT want to be flexible and even considers it a weakness and spinelessness.
They stand their ground like a concrete wall, which also requires a lot of energy. And this position isn’t useful in every situation anyway.
If circumstances suddenly change, a person with this life stance has a hard time dealing with it.
They can’t pull themselves together for a long time, don’t want to see other paths, blame life, the government, their surroundings for everything, but don’t want to do anything themselves.
It’s hard to live when you are constantly adjusting to someone else, while you would rather be somewhere else and doing something different.
It’s also hard when you have only one unchanging line or position. You perceive every stone on your path as a terrible tragedy and stop for a long time, instead of gently flowing around it like water.
In both cases, this is a manifestation of the victim consciousness.
Let’s find out how to avoid these extremes.
Why be flexible
Modern life is full of change, which needs no explanation. Look around at what’s happening, and you’ll see for yourself.
To get pleasure from life, or at least feel inner peace and harmony, you need to learn to be flexible, to be able to quickly orient yourself in changing conditions.
The ability to be flexible is a position of power, of awareness, where decisions are made easily, with full acceptance of the situation.
If you learn to be flexible, you will be resilient to any changes and stress, and you will be able to see the positives in every situation. You will gain access to new opportunities and ensure the preservation of your inner harmony.
See also Meditation “Expanding the Vision of Possibilities”
The ability to be flexible opens up new perspectives for you. This meditation will help you see them.
I hope you have no doubts left about why you should be flexible. Now let’s find out how to do it.
A few tips will help you master this skill.
How to be flexible
1. Learn to manage your initial reaction
What usually happens when plans fall through?
The first reaction is a wave of emotions: aggression, irritation, indignation. This reaction is involuntary, instinctive.
Recognize that this is just a reaction, let the emotions pass through you, find your balance, and make a conscious choice about how to handle the situation.
With experience, as you learn to be flexible, you won’t react. You won’t have an emotional outburst or a sharp reaction to changing circumstances.
Example. Your computer breaks down, and you need to work. If you can’t resolve this issue right away, think about why this situation is happening to you.
On one hand, you’re left without the ability to work, and you have a lot to get done.
On the other hand, maybe this is the perfect opportunity to do something you’ve been wanting to do for a long time, or simply to think about your goals and possibly reconsider them in a calm setting.
The main point here is this — you do NOT fall into a victim state: “How can this be? What do I do now?”
You take the necessary steps in the current situation, do everything that depends on you, and switch to another task while you wait for the issue to be resolved.
See also: How to manage your emotions, and why it’s so important for you
In this article, you’ll learn how feelings differ from emotions and get methods for achieving emotional harmony.
2. Learn to flow with it
Being flexible means being able to navigate changing circumstances, seeing new opportunities in new conditions.
Don’t force the situation if it doesn’t work out after several attempts. Stop, switch to something else.
It’s entirely possible that the answer will come exactly at that moment, when you’re busy with something completely different.
When you allow yourself to be in the flow, you accept that not everything depends on you. At the same time, you have the opportunity to choose the best way to experience the current situation.
3. Lower your expectations
Try not to depend on anyone and not to expect that your plans will unfold exactly as you envisioned.
Even the most reliable agreements can fall through. You never know what tomorrow holds. The situation can change at any moment.
Always allow for a certain percentage that your plans may not come to fruition. If that happens, you won’t blame the circumstances or the person for breaking their commitments.
If you have no expectations, you have no suffering: “It didn’t work out, so it wasn’t meant for me, or it wasn’t my way, or something better than this is waiting for me.”
When a man says he will love you forever, and a month later he has someone else, it’s too late to count on him marrying you.
That’s it, the situation has changed. Close that chapter and move on.
4. Think through backup options
If you are planning to do something important, take care of a plan B, or even a plan C, in advance. Calculate your actions several steps ahead.
If your plan falls apart, you will switch to alternative options.
With this attitude, you won’t be caught off guard, and you will always have something to do.
Example. You wanted to go out into nature for the weekend. You prepared everything for it, but the weather turned bad, making the trip impossible.
Switch to plan B — go, for example, to a spa, to the movies, or organize a meeting with friends.
The main thing is not to dwell on what DIDN’T work out, but to extract benefit from the situation. You don’t know what might have awaited you on that trip. Perhaps higher powers protected you from something unpleasant.
5. Be flexible regarding your goals
Be prepared that your cherished desires may change. Re-evaluate their truthfulness at every opportunity.
If you have taken on the realization of some intention, consider all possibilities and circumstances. Everything can change, and your desire too.
Be ready to transform it, and if necessary, even abandon it.
Don’t confuse this with an inability to see things through. You change every day, you grow, and your desires also become different.
What lured and attracted you yesterday may leave you indifferent today.
Example. A girl dreamed of a Barbie doll as a child. Her parents didn’t buy it for her because they had no money. She made a vow to herself that she would definitely buy it with her first earned money.
But when the time for her first earnings came, she didn’t even remember the doll, because she had grown up and developed completely different interests.
Before setting goals, I recommend checking them for truthfulness. How to do this, read in the article 3 signs that will help you determine a true desire.
Practice showing flexibility.
Look for reasons to hone this skill. And gradually, even the most difficult tasks will seem simple to you. And life will become much more diverse and interesting.