The main audience of the project is people around 40 years old. With the increase in childbearing age recently, the topic of children has returned to the “Keys of Mastery” project.
Since 2019, I have conducted several broadcasts dedicated to the topic of children (in particular, new children, parenting issues, and others). Their recordings are collected on the project website in the #conversation_on_the_couch section.
The specific topic of teenagers is being addressed by us for the first time.
The main goal of the project’s materials dedicated to raising children is to encourage women and men to rethink their parental roles and functions.
Many people immerse themselves headlong in practices and spirituality, yet do not understand what result they want to achieve in the end.
By analogy, many people have children without understanding what they want to achieve as a result of raising them. Moreover, most parents do not even think about it.
Many parents follow the usual path – to raise convenient children.
The main task of such parenting is to forcibly integrate the child into the surrounding environment (society, system), that is, to squeeze the child, often against their will, into the norms of society.
In the article, we will discuss why it is important to build trusting relationships with a teenager.
Teenage rebellion — “no” to everything
Adolescence is a period of serious “disruption” when a child experiences internal protest. During this period, a child may say “no” to everything.
The meaning of a teenager’s entire existence comes down to opposing the outside world, primarily their parents.
Teenagers often commit many actions just to spite.
The parent’s goal is to create trusting relationships with the child
A conscious parent understands that it is important to establish a trusting relationship with their child before adolescence begins.
Trusting relationships are necessary so that a child, after making mistakes, can come to their parent and safely admit that they messed up.
Please note that the child’s “correct behavior” is not a mandatory condition for a trusting relationship between parents and children.
Trust in the “parent-child” pair allows a teenager to openly seek help from their parents, feeling safe.
One way or another, a child will step on a rake. But if they have a trusting relationship with their parents, they have a “lifeline.”
When building a trusting relationship with your child is your goal, all steps related to upbringing will be structured around this goal.
See also: New Children – Who Are They. How to Help Them Adapt to the World
How to Check Whether You Are Building or Destroying Trust
Each time, ask yourself whether your action helps establish a trusting relationship with the teenager or does the opposite.
A trusting relationship means that as a parent, you always take the child’s side.
In any interaction with the outside world, you first protect your child, listen to their opinion (their perspective on what is happening), and only then decide what steps to take externally.
Total support of the child by the parent, without any thought of reciprocation from the child, is the foundation of a trusting relationship.
A child’s trust is a guarantee that your bond with them will not break, and you will not be threatened by the child suddenly leaving home.
Define for yourself the goal of your interaction with the child. Based on this goal, check each of your actions/choices against the question: “Am I moving away from or closer to my goal right now?”
According to Wikipedia, claims are the behavior of a person who seeks recognition for certain merits they attribute to themselves; asserting rights to possess something or receive something.
Simply put, you make claims when you demand from another what is not there, what does not exist.
See also How to support strength in your child
When children do not trust adults
Simply declaring your principles is pointless.
Children do not believe you if you:
- regularly betray your child;
- ignore their interests, sensations, and feelings;
- prioritize not the child themselves, but how the outside world evaluates them.
Children easily read adults. They do not believe words that are not backed by actions.
See also Spiritual practices as a way of life, or How to follow life principles
What to prefer – trusting or friendly relationships with a child
According to experts, a trusting relationship with a teenager is preferable to a friendly one.
If a child does not have trust in the parent, then during periods of teenage rebellion, they (literally and figuratively) leave the parent for “friends.”
If by this time you have managed to earn the child’s respect, the child maintains a connection with you.
If a parent’s authority is not significant, children begin to “flock together” on the side. In a “flock,” no one is a friend to anyone. The main rule of a teenage flock is “do as everyone does.”
A peer friend will not take action when they see a teenager harming themselves.
An adult is able to foresee the consequences of a child’s “harmful” choices and take measures to neutralize them. Sometimes these may include unpopular measures.
Unlike “friends,” only an adult is capable of taking strict measures when necessary, rather than adapting to the “demands of the flock.”
See also: Modern Children and Social Adaptation
In the article, we will examine the development models of modern children, as well as your child’s relationship with the older generation.
In this article, we have tried to reveal the importance of building trust between you and your teenage child. In the second article on this topic, you will receive recommendations on how to create a healthy relationship between you.
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Share in the comments: are you able to build trusting relationships with your children? What difficulties do you face?
The article is based on a broadcast within the rubric #conversation_on_the_couch “About Teenagers”