“Our true strength lies in our ability to be vulnerable. It is our humanity that makes us special. We must learn to let this quality shine through in all our actions; we must openly acknowledge our mistakes to others. On this path, what we perceive as weakness will soon become our greatest strength.”
Steve Rother “Spiritual Psychology”
High self-demand, rejection of one’s own feelings and behavior forces people to repress their weak points.
A person creates an attractive external image of themselves and tries to live up to it.
Someone hides a bad deed, someone hides being in love, afraid to open up, someone fundamentally denies that they are capable of feeling.
All of this creates an internal feeling of vulnerability.
A person spends a lot of effort hiding their “flaws” from others’ eyes, and often from themselves.
But is vulnerability really equal to weakness?
I believe it is not, and I suggest we explore the advantage of this state.
Who Are We Protecting Ourselves From
For the most part, people associate vulnerability with weakness. And no one wants to show their weaknesses.
Childhood traumas, negative life experiences teach us that we need to defend ourselves, to demonstrate strength, even if deep down we want to run away and see no one.
This is how we build walls between ourselves and others, suffer, and torment ourselves from misunderstanding in relationships.
Today in an argument, I didn’t show weakness. I’m great! I proved I was right!
But with that pressure, you just laid another brick on that wall.
Think about what and to whom you are proving, who you are protecting yourself from, and whether it is even necessary.
Is winning the argument so important, or is it better to give in, change the subject, but preserve the warmth in the relationship?
And where is the weakness here? More often, it is the strong and wise one who yields.
When you stop relying on reactions born from childhood grievances and take control of your life, you discover within yourself a source of strength and wisdom.
The path to this is allowing yourself to be vulnerable.
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Acceptance is the ability to understand that a person will never change.
Being Vulnerable from a Spiritual Point of View
Vulnerability from a spiritual perspective is the willingness to experience pain if necessary, to openly show your feelings, to admit your imperfection.
All of this together means opening your heart.
Vulnerability is strength and freedom. But feeling this freedom is often hindered by fear.
The fear of seeing your true feelings, the fear of experiencing pain, the fear of being unprotected before others.
What is the Strength of Vulnerability
A person says: “I don’t want to be vulnerable.” And they start to defend themselves.
The longer they hold the defense, the more tension they create within themselves.
When you are constantly defending yourself, convincing yourself that you are strong, you are already vulnerable. You are easy to wound because you are tense and expecting attacks.
Even if no one is actually hurting you, you are still injuring yourself with this tension by thinking about how you might be offended.
Vulnerability has a different direction.
If you allow yourself to be in this state, you will feel the barriers crumble that you yourself built to protect yourself from pain.
Go through the Liberation from Pain meditation, which will help your body release negative emotions associated with people from your past.
To make it clearer, let me give you an example.
A woman was left by a man. She tries to keep her composure in his presence, but inside she is experiencing excruciating emotional pain.
In conversations with mutual acquaintances, she proves that she is strong, that she doesn’t need anyone. In other words, she is on the defensive.
But she still loves him. But how can she admit to herself that the love is still there? How can you love a person who betrayed you? The mind is outraged.
In this case, the woman has a choice — to build a wall of alienation and callousness, which will sooner or later lead to unfavorable consequences for her health and future.
Or to allow herself to be vulnerable — to admit to herself: Yes, I love him! Even after what he did to me, I still love him.
Just allow yourself to feel and that’s it.
This doesn’t mean — wanting to be with him. It’s simply acknowledging that the feelings exist, and I am experiencing them.
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When you stop defending yourself, relief comes.
It’s like rowing a boat against the current, straining with the oars, and then realizing you were going the wrong way.
The main thing is to admit your vulnerability. Your resolve will allow your heart to open and heal the pain with the energy of love.
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Love is always stronger, and vulnerability is the key to strength, to freedom from fear.
Therefore, the best thing you can do for your protection is to challenge your fear, to allow yourself to release this tension.
Then you will become indifferent to others’ opinions about your actions, because you accept yourself.
You have nothing left to hide; you stop being ashamed of your feelings.
And as a rule, offenders and ill-wishers retreat into the shadows or stop seeming like them.
See also How to change the polarity of high emotional sensitivity
Allow yourself to experience the full spectrum of feelings
Listen to a fragment of the accompanying webinar for clients of the Keys to Mastery Learning Center, in which Alena Starovoitova talks about what vulnerability is and how to live through this state:
One of the most important tasks of the soul in a human body is to allow yourself to experience any feelings and emotions.
This can be achieved by allowing yourself to be vulnerable. There’s no need to fear this state; there is nothing dangerous in it.
Show kindness, humanity, generosity, and love, even if you don’t expect reciprocity or understanding in return.
Forgive yourself and others for expressing negative feelings.
Gradually, you, your life, and your surroundings will be transformed. After all, living with an open heart is much easier than carrying a grudge.