For many women, the issue of their ex-husband’s communication with their child is very acute.
After all, women frankly do not understand why a man is not interested in their mutual child, constantly forgets about him, or completely removes himself from their lives.
As a result, the situation only worsens, and the children suffer.
- So why do men wait until the child grows up and only then start communicating?
- How can a woman build a relationship between the child and the father, and should she?
- Why are fathers so indifferent to their children after leaving the family?
- How to raise a child fully without a father?
You will get answers to these and other questions in this article.
Why are fathers so indifferent to their children after leaving the family
I often defend dads when mothers start making claims against them.
For example, a comment like: “My ex-husband is very intelligent, rich, handsome, we separated 12 years ago, he never loved our daughter. I thought it would pass. I worried for a long time that he doesn’t communicate with her and feels no pull toward her…”
I suggest leaving men alone on the topic of relationships with children. A rare man loves children. A man, as a rule, loves a woman. Children appear only because of the woman.
When a man leaves the family, if a human relationship with the woman did not work out, he will not love the child and will not meet with him. Accept this as a given.
I have met many young men, obsessed with spiritual development, who have never seen their children even once after birth. And their conscience did not bother them.
They left the woman and that was it; no spiritual part stirred about it.
A man has one channel working, not all at once like a woman. They are always busy with something, and even when he is just lying down watching TV, his attention is focused there.
Yes, he knows he has a child, but if the child is not in his direct line of sight, he is unlikely to remember to call.
I was lucky at that time. My ex-husband’s girlfriend tried to show her best side and reminded him once a week to call and talk to the child. And that’s how we built our relationship.
But if she hadn’t reminded him, I might have gotten bogged down in grievances too.
How a woman can build a child’s relationship with the father and whether she should
If you, as a mother, want the father to communicate with the child, your task is to make every effort to do so. Build this relationship.
Remember how a puppy or kitten is toilet trained — through specific actions. If you don’t take those actions, he won’t maintain a relationship with the child.
For most men, this is not a top priority.
If you want your child to grow up well-rounded, it is your direct duty as a mother to first of all improve your own relationship with your ex-husband. And then, to ensure that they continue to communicate with the child.
For the most part, women get stuck in their grievances: about money, not being loved enough, and other things, and all of this leaves a mark on the relationship with the child. First, sort yourself out, separate your personal grievances against your ex-husband from your grievances against him as the father of your child.
Things don’t always work out in life the way you want. It happens that a man leaves a woman alone with a child, and the woman is left alone, without help. This is a lesson in accepting your own strength, and that is a topic for another article.
If a divorce has taken place, regardless of the financial or other consequences, what matters is how you will build a relationship with your ex-husband, primarily in order to preserve that bridge from him to your child.
Under no circumstances should you transfer your problems onto your child, or impose your attitude toward the man if it is sharply negative. Allow the child to have a father, no matter what he is like to you; the child will grow up and draw their own conclusions.
There are many women consumed by resentment who, after a divorce, try to squeeze as much as possible from the man and make accusations. Think about your child. Divorce is already a trauma for them; do not deprive them of communication with their father.
See also: Guilt, claims against a person, explanations. What unites them
Find out what lies behind the claims
Why men wait until the child grows up and only then start communicating
Another reason why men do not communicate with children is they wait for the child to grow up.
I clearly remember when my husband told me: “I am waiting for her to grow up so I can talk to her.”
That is how they are wired. Rare is the man who has a talent for communicating with a child in their language. Many simply do not know how, or do not know the way.
And if you live together, they can still somehow participate in the child’s life, but when a man leaves the family, he simply stops communicating. And sometimes it is for this reason alone.
Therefore, it is important for you yourself to make efforts to ensure this communication happens.
If you yourself have no contact with your ex-husband, sort out your grievances, work on forgiveness toward him, find that pearl of wisdom that is surely present in this situation, and establish contact between him and the child.
See also How to forgive a person and why it is so difficult to do
Sometimes you are sure that you have forgiven, let go of the past, and are already on the thirty-third stage of your life after that offense, and it seems that’s it.But someone tells how everything is going great for the offender, and inside a quiet little voice squeaks: “and here he outdid me, what a fool I am”…
How to raise a child to be well-adjusted without a father
There are situations when the new wife is against communication with the child because he bothers her. Then you lose the fullness of your child’s development.
It is important that the ancestral connection is preserved. The child must know the other side. If he has no contact with his father at all, a distortion occurs.
If there was no contact with the father at all, find a suitable man in your environment: a friend, an acquaintance, a brother, a grandfather. It is important that two parts of energy are present (male and female).
Listen to the audio recording
See also How to create a healthy relationship with a teenage child
Healthy relationships with a teenage child involve respecting the law of free will and choice of your child, accepting him as he is, support, and creating conditions in which he will be comfortable developing and realizing his potential.
P.S. A bit harsh and with serious pressure… But there is no other way to turn some of you away from the position of grievances and claims against ex-husbands…
P.P.S. And yes, this is a fragment of a webinar for regular clients who are READY to hear the truth in all its ugliness…