There are people who constantly live «in their heads». They have a multitude of thoughts, they love to analyze everything, to conjecture, to dissect every situation and people’s actions.
There are also those who work themselves up over uncertainty, tormenting themselves with worries over nothing.
Conjecture equals delusion. It is inventing something that does not actually exist.
In this article, we will discuss what conjecture leads to and why it is important to stop making assumptions.
What is conjecture
Conjecture is an attempt to interpret in one’s own way the motives behind other people’s actions and decisions.
By making assumptions, a person tries to logically understand why another acted one way and not another.
But the thing is, each of us has our own worldview. Everyone looks at external events through their own glasses, their own lenses.
One person might react negatively to the same situation, while another might not pay any attention at all. Everyone sees some particular side, some facet.
And it doesn’t matter if these are close people, or if your views are generally similar—everyone will look from their own bell tower, tying the situation to their own life and circumstances.
Sometimes this leads to misunderstandings if you don’t clarify the relationship and openly ask.
Everyone knows the expression «broken telephone,» where information is passed from mouth to mouth, and each person who receives it adds something of their own.
In the end, when it reaches the intended recipient, it has nothing in common with the original meaning.
Read also: How illusions limit your life.
When a person embarks on the path of self-knowledge, it is important to be able to distinguish illusions from truth.
Find out what will help broaden your perspectives.
Why people make conjectures
Option 1 — due to lack of knowledge on the subject
At the initial stage of spiritual growth, questions arise, one wants to know how the world is structured from a spiritual point of view. Hence all these “why?” questions.
But are answers always needed for everything?
It is natural and normal for a person to want to form a new picture of the world, to gain an understanding of the world’s structure.
But it is not worth immersing oneself in such knowledge for a lifetime. It is better not to know something, and to use that time for gaining practical experience, full involvement in life.
This will give much more knowledge and wisdom.
There are questions that should be left unanswered. Even if you get an answer, you will not become happier.
What matters is how, with what feelings, you experience the current moment.
To understand yourself and reduce the number of questions, I suggest reading the article Stages of Spiritual Development. How to determine which one you are at.
Option 2 — due to misunderstanding the motives of another person’s action
Also due to uncertainty about a troubling issue. For example, when a loved one does not answer the phone, is late.
In such a case, the mind draws scary pictures, possible and impossible scenarios of events, which almost always have nothing to do with the real situation.
Below in the article there are several ways to stop tormenting yourself.
See also How to cope with anxiety
8 recommendations for its elimination.
What is the harm of overthinking
Overthinking takes a lot of time and energy that could be spent on yourself, your development, favorite things, and activities that make you happy.
Instead of openly asking a troubling question, people overthink on behalf of others, take offense, play the silent game, and invent answers for others based on their own opinion rather than what the person actually thinks.
Because of overthinking, many ideas remain unrealized, and questions addressed to specific people go unanswered.
After all, until you do it, ask, find out, you won’t gain experience.
Any overthinking leads away from what is most important, from living in the present moment, and blocks your connection with your soul.
Overthinking breeds judgment. And judgment is the main brake on the path of spiritual development. Read about this in the article of the same name.
How to stop overthinking
1. Ask yourself the question: “Will this make me happy?”
The best way to stop building conjectures and generally reduce the number of negative thoughts is to ask yourself each time: does what I am thinking about make me happier?
If the answer is negative, stop feeding energy into these thoughts and switch to something pleasant.
Also read: How thoughts affect your health. 4 ways to eliminate the flow of mental negativity
2. Clarify relationships openly
If a question directly affects your life and involves another person, try to directly ask that person why they acted as they did.
For example, you had certain agreements with someone that they did not fulfill. Do not fall into speculation, resentment, or inventing reasons why they acted one way and not another.
Find a way to find out, to clarify the situation from the source.
Initially, forbid yourself from drawing conclusions about the behavior and actions of other people, do not try to interpret them in your own way if you do not know all the circumstances for sure.
This will greatly simplify your life and relationships, and save you from unnecessary conflicts and resentments.
If you do not understand something and even think you are being ignored, do not rush to make diagnoses or hasty conclusions.
See also: Fear of asking questions. How to overcome it
3. Stop the flow of anxious thoughts
For example, your husband or son does not answer the phone, although at that time he should already be home, and you start to worry.
Realize that at that moment you are being driven by anxiety and fear.
To stop the flow of anxious thoughts, these phrases work well:
- «I have already thought this thought»,
- «Cancel!».
Repeat them until the anxious thoughts stop appearing in your head.
Switch to other activities: active physical activity, playing with a child.
Everyone has their own method that works. Try different ones until you find the one that works for you.
Your task is to calm down and bring yourself into a state of balance. Perhaps during this time the situation will become clear.
Find even more methods in the article Ways to Switch from Stress to Mindfulness.
4. Learn to leave a question unanswered
If you are in a state of uncertainty for a long time and there is no way to find out anything, this information is probably not needed by you right now.
Or an overly active mind is preventing you from getting the answer you need.
It is much more important to stay connected with the spirit, not to ask questions, but to trust the universe. It has already found the best way to resolve the situation.
Stop speculating and the answer will come on its own.
See also Ask questions or find answers on your own? How to assemble the puzzle of your worldview picture
Surely you have stories when your speculations were so different from reality that you ended up in awkward situations? Write about it in the comments!
P.S. We invite you to the new course “Acceptance Workshop” to get rid of self-flagellation, negativity, and start accepting yourself.
See the detailed description here >>