Life is too short to waste it on grudges.
— Unknown author
I know many of you are still HOPING that somewhere there is a magic pill, also known as a practice or meditation, that you can take to deal with a problem ONCE and FOR ALL.
Take a pill, and the issue is SOLVED!
Well, admit it, you’d like that, wouldn’t you?!
That’s NOT how life works.
No matter how effective the tool you use is, using it just ONCE is NOT ENOUGH.
To truly rewrite a habitual reaction and replace it with a new one you desire, that is, to stop taking offense and nursing your grudge, DAILY work is required.
And there’s no other way. I am 100% convinced of this.
In this specific case, I’m talking about the practice from the master class, where you NOURISH YOURSELF WITH LOVE in every moment of your life, whether in the past, present, or future.
See also How to truly learn to forgive offenses
How to let go of pain? What is true forgiveness? What does it mean to be able to forgive and how to achieve this? You will find answers to these questions in the article.
But to understand the connection between love and grudges, a small digression is needed…
Where does a grudge come from
A grudge arises when the actions of people close to you do not match your expectations. They are rightly called: vain expectations.
— You expect your beloved man to understand on his own when you need his help and support, and that you don’t have to say it out loud.
— You expect your child’s father to remember when the little one has a celebration at kindergarten/school, and you get offended that he forgot about it…
— You expect your parents to help you, but they reply that they raised their own children by themselves…
— You expect understanding from your friend, but she is completely absorbed in her own personal problems…
Many examples could be given, but each one will involve unjustified hope, and ultimately bitter disappointment.
Moreover, the stronger your expectation, the longer you will nurse your grudge.
See also Energy Bankruptcy
Negative emotions, especially anger, grudges, constant judgment of yourself and others, drain the life force of any person. In such a case, you have no energy to manifest what you intend, to bring your projects into physical reality.
Where do expectations come from
People who often take offense subconsciously believe that everyone around them OWES them something.
— A husband should bring coffee in bed and carry you in his arms…
— Children should obey their parents and do well in school…
— Friends should help in times of need…
— Parents are obligated to love their children and support them…
Does this sound familiar to you?
And when events start to unfold contrary to their hopes, a person experiences the most intense disappointment.
Disappointment, the causes of which they look for OUTSIDE themselves. They look and they find it!
And it’s unlikely that at that moment they understand that THEY THEMSELVES are causing themselves PAIN with their own hands.
See also: A Child Growing Up Without a Father. What to Do?
Women frankly don’t understand why a man isn’t interested in their shared child, constantly forgets about him, or completely removes himself from their lives. As a result, the situation only gets worse, and the children suffer.
Let me repeat it one more time:
By holding a grudge, YOU are causing YOURSELF pain, expecting to get from another person what you haven’t given YOURSELF.
YOU YOURSELF HAVE SHORTCHANGED YOURSELF.
I’ll pause here for a moment… to give time for reflection to those who are still nursing old grievances…
See also: Transforming Hatred into Love. How to Heal This Destructive Feeling
A Parable
One day, a student asked his spiritual teacher:
— Master, you have attained Divine Wisdom, you are always in a state of complete peace and good mood. No one irritates you, and you never get angry at anyone. Teach me to become the same.
— Alright, I will teach you. For this, bring a clear plastic bag and some potatoes.
The student did everything as the teacher said.
— Whenever you get angry at someone or hold a grudge, write the offender’s name on a potato and put it in the bag, — the teacher told the student.
— And that’s all I need to do? — the student wondered.
— No, you must carry this bag with you everywhere you go. And every time you get irritated or offended by someone, you must add a potato to the bag.
— Okay, — said the student.
Some time passed. The diligent student’s bag gained weight and became quite heavy. Moreover, the first potatoes began to rot and gave off an unpleasant smell.
Then the student came to his master and said:
— I can no longer carry this heavy stench with me. Suggest something else to me.
To which the wise man replied:
— And is what you carry in your soul any different when you hold grudges and get angry at people?
Once you take offense, you don’t notice how a stone has fallen into your soul.
Over time, there become many more such stones. Actions turn into habits, habits become character, which breeds foul vices.
I gave you the opportunity to see it all from the outside.
I think, next time, you’ll think twice about whether you need another stone…