There is a concept that men self-actualize through their work, while women do so through relationships, love, and creativity.
Since we live in an era where both men and women have become “mixed up,” meaning that in a male physical body there can be a maximum amount of feminine energy, and in a female body there can be a significant dominant force of masculine energy, many of our life requests are not very clear to us.
We think we want one thing, but in reality we want something else.
Moreover, the word “want” is not a whim; it is rather an acute need of the soul, which is very important to allow yourself to hear.
I often receive such requests from women: “I can’t stop, I don’t know what to do,” “I don’t feel my purpose,” “I don’t know which work to choose that suits my soul,” “I would like my creative realization to bring me money,” and so on.
In fact, deeper needs lie behind this:
- the need for confidence in the future,
- the need to understand yourself as a creator who is needed by people,
- the need for an activity that brings you pleasure
— essentially, it’s about hearing your Soul.
But it’s impossible to hear the voice of the soul in the hustle and bustle, in anxiety, in willful determination.
And most women, unfortunately, are too busy with the needs of those around them.
And although at first glance, maternal or spousal intervention looks like care and support, in reality it is very often veiled control or dependence on external approval, which exhausts both the “victim” of circumstances and the object of the sacrifice.
I want to share a couple of questions from discussions in my women’s club:
1. How to interact with people with harmful addictions, with men, related to alcohol.
2. Too many “watermelon seeds” in the relationship with a partner, how much can you tolerate and how can you combine self-love, understanding the value of your own personality, and serving others?
So, it all depends on what phase of your soul’s development you are in.
If you urgently need to learn to feel your feminine and human value, but you are not ready to feel it due to childhood traumas, then you will involuntarily attract relationships in which you will be humiliated.
As a rule, you yourself cannot break through to this awareness.
If you are irresistibly drawn to a person who torments you, the problem or misfortune is not that this is your chosen one, the essence is that this is such a stage of your soul’s development when this person can teach you a lesson necessary for your liberation from illusions!
It is important to understand: when we sacrifice ourselves, we harm the very people for whom we are sacrificing ourselves. Because the main task of any soul on earth is to walk its own path, on its own two feet, and not to ride on someone else’s neck.
This issue primarily concerns adult children, and indeed children from a very early age, just the zone of responsibility is different. This issue concerns partners, spouses, and this issue concerns parents.
When it seems to you that by asserting your own interests, you are harming your loved ones, not protecting them, not caring for them, not saving them, not feeding them, not nourishing them with your energy, think about the fact that you are finally freeing up space for these people to claim their own power, and not ride on your neck, and not think with your head, not feel with your tears, so that they can live their own lives.
And this can be done with a pure heart when you believe that this person, who is sinking and degrading before your eyes, or being rude, or parasitizing before your eyes, is actually playing this role only so that you can learn something.
If you “let him go” and go live your own life, you will be surprised at how he changes.
The point is not who creates the negative behavior, the point is who provokes this behavior, who accepts this behavior.
If you have an irresistible desire or strong attraction and it seems to you that this is love for a person who does not respect you, who torments you, who parasitizes you, it is not a matter of “divine providence,” but that you simply do not want to see the Lesson that Life is teaching you.
The same situation applies to profession – when we want to compensate for our immature human qualities with our “self-realization.”
There was an example, a course participant, who has been searching for herself in recent years, starts a new business, quits, starts something else, again cannot finish anything, her husband has already given up, saying you should at least finish something, but she has lost herself, cannot find fulfillment.
Here the question is not about a personal endeavor, not about self-realization, but about learning to set a goal and achieve it. And this skill is trained not by acquiring a profession, but, for example, by knitting a sweater. You set a goal to knit this sweater and you knit it to the end.
You set a goal to renovate this room, you renovate it to the end. You first cultivate in yourself the quality of seeing through to the end an operation that is important to you, repeatedly, and only then can you connect this quality with your professional growth.
And if you are not capable of seeing through to the end an action that is important to you — some household task, completing some relationship, or standing your ground in some personal goals and boundaries — if you personally have not formed the qualities that clearly position your maturity: “I chose this and I did it,” then you will never realize yourself professionally, because that is a global result – professional fulfillment.
Lately, the thesis has become public that next to a happy woman, everyone is happy: children, men, and the elderly.
I support it, because for 15 years I have been teaching women to free themselves from the illusion of “responsibility for everything” and to finally become Women – those who warm like a stove in the house and illuminate life like a lighthouse in a stormy sea!
But let’s not oversimplify: we are ALL VERY DIFFERENT.
For some, in order to liberate the authentic Woman within, they need to learn to accept and forgive, while for others, they need to firmly defend their personal boundaries. Therefore, first of all, you need to understand your own nature, the needs of your soul, and your true goals.
Svetlana Dobrovolskaya
Based on materials from the club webinar