We’ve all done it – given away our power for someone else.
It looks like this:
- Doing a favor for a friend that you really don’t want to do or never agreed to
- Going back to a relationship that you know for sure won’t be good for you, all because the other person said they can’t live without you
- Letting others criticize your dreams or vision
- Taking to heart what others think of you, especially negative feedback, and starting to believe it’s true
- Doing so much for others that you have no time or energy left for yourself
- Feeling awkward and guilty and unable to say no, so you let friends, colleagues, and family members talk you into going places you don’t want to go, instead of doing something you truly enjoy
- Spending time on meaningless conversations when you could be working toward your goals
- Planning your life around other people’s needs, desires, and goals instead of your own
… and the list could go on. Think of all the ways you regularly give away your power.
Let’s start fixing this by looking at some of the reasons why we do it:
- Wanting to be recognized by others
- Wanting to help and/or save others
- Low self-esteem and seeking validation from others
- Low self-esteem directly tied to what others think of us
- Your actions reflect your desire for people to think or perceive you in a certain way
- Not knowing what you want
- Not knowing how to break the vicious cycle
- Thinking it’s just “easier” to go along with others
- Giving up on your dream because there are always more important things to do
- Still searching for yourself
Now imagine what you’ll gain when you reclaim your power!
- Your time is respected
- You feel energized instead of exhausted
- You can freely take actions that will lead you to the life you want
- You have the freedom to find healthy and beautiful relationships
- You feel good looking ahead to the future
- You feel centered and focused
- Life has meaning
- You attract people who share your positive outlook
- You know yourself and what you truly want better than ever before
- Your goals and life direction are clear
- Everything is under your control
- You feel inner peace and contentment
See also: 6 Steps of a Woman to Her True Freedom
An internally free woman will be happy, find resources and a way out of any difficult circumstances. An internally unfree woman will suffer even in a favorable situation.
So, how can you reclaim your power?
1. Make a list of all the people in your life
Opposite their names, make two columns – one with the heading “positive” and the other with the heading “negative”. Put a checkmark in the column next to each name that indicates what feelings this person usually evokes in you.
If this person is always criticizing everyone, complaining, or nothing is ever good enough for them, put a checkmark in the “negative” column.
If this person encourages you, provides support when you need it, and is generally optimistic, put a checkmark in the “positive” column. Avoid or completely eliminate from your life those who have a checkmark in the “negative” column.
2. Take inventory of what you say to yourself
What do you usually tell yourself about yourself? Do you support yourself or keep telling yourself you’re a failure? Every time you catch yourself in thoughts about yourself – both positive and negative – write them down.
See how many times you sabotage yourself with negative feedback. Put a rubber band on your wrist (it could even be a pretty bracelet that’s on an elastic…), and every time you catch yourself having negative thoughts about yourself, snap the rubber band against your hand and shout “stop” in your mind. Replace the negative statements with positive ones.
3. Start saying “no”
to requests to spend time on things that don’t interest you or that would require sacrificing time set aside for positive actions toward achieving your goals.
The first few times, you might feel selfish and guilty, but with practice you’ll see that after your “no,” the world doesn’t turn upside down and no terrible consequences occur.
Once people realize they can no longer use you, they will find themselves other slaves.
Just remember how many times you sacrificed your own interests for these people, and what you got in return: nothing, except even more requests. You won’t lose anything by directing your time toward your own benefit, and you’ll even gain a large amount of time and energy that you can invest in achieving what you want from life.
4. Define your direction and your goals
Without direction, it’s easy to surrender to the mercy of those around you. But by setting goals and remembering them, you can easily eliminate all external distractions and actions. Suddenly, life will begin to have meaning and actions will become intentional.
5. Stop telling the “negative” people from your list about your dreams and prospects
Instead, talk with those who will help you refine your ideas and bring them to life. Consult with people who have achieved what you need, and find out how they did it.
Find information regarding your goals on the Internet, and when you have several different opinions, consider the ones that seem right to you, and come up with your own way of achieving your set goals.
This way, you can focus your attention on your dreams and take positive steps to achieve them, instead of drowning them in negativity before you even get started.
6. Eliminate any activities not related to your goal
Time-eaters take various forms, including constantly engaging in the same discussions.
Do you know people who always talk about the same thing? Avoid them and instead seek new ideas and new perspectives that will bring you closer to your goals.
Based on the original article by Diane Wing
Translation 2013 © Modern Witch