From a psychological perspective, within each of us there are three states: the child, the adult, and the parent.
I watched a broadcast on this topic by a well-known psychotherapist and psychologist, and one phrase really struck me: that Russian speakers have a big problem with easily switching from the “child” state to the “parent” state, while the third element, the “adult,” is discarded and practically undeveloped.
We have long waited for the moment when we would enter a new world. But we need to create it ourselves; everyone will lend a hand to this.
It is important what state you are coming from when you co-create the new earth, the new world. Are you coming from the state of a child who is being capricious and cannot take responsibility, or from the state of a parent who criticizes?
Or from the state of the inner adult, who accumulates the best of the other two and acts in full awareness.
Let’s talk about this in the article.
Functions of the Three States: Child, Adult, Parent
The main function of the child is to play, perceive the world openly, experience positive emotions, manifest, and create. At the same time, on the other hand, they can throw tantrums, scream “I want,” “I need it right now,” and demand increased attention.
Next to them is a caring parent, who will pat the little one on the head and say everything will be okay. Like the child, the parent also has two aspects: on one side care, attention, and on the other — criticism, control.
The parent is the voice of conscience. But where does this conscience come from? From what we absorbed from our parents in childhood. For those on the path of awareness, today’s values and principles that you have developed within yourself over the years have been added to it.
I realized that we have almost no interaction on an adult-to-adult level.
I remembered how many times during broadcasts I said: “and a wizard will fly in on a blue helicopter” — hello to the inner child. And what about the belief in the fairy tale about the prince on a white horse who will come and save me, and all my problems will be instantly resolved, and I won’t need to search or fear anything anymore?
I realized that when I host broadcasts, I am also acting in the role of a parent: some information needs to be smoothed over, some things need to be chewed up and spoon-fed so the little one can swallow it. I immediately warn that some things might be scary, and if you are the skittish type, you shouldn’t listen to them.
But where is the adult? Where is the dialogue between adult and adult?
When the child and parent inside are busy with each other, that part of you which is responsible for logic, analysis, and is able to systematize and gather information, must come to the forefront. This is the adult part of you, which has no emotions because it is hyper-logical; its main function is to understand what is happening in order to act later.
The parent possesses a conscience, has principles and values, and knows HOW to do things. For example, everyone knows how to lose weight, everyone knows you need to drink lots of water, what you can and cannot eat, and how beneficial physical exercise is. All of this is at the level of knowledge.
But at the level of action, when you take those principles and values and start to act — that is the function of the adult.
An adult who understands responsibility, who understands what depends on them, takes the direct sincerity and emotionality of a child, takes the values dictated by their parent, and acts logically and rationally based on that.
It’s clear that if this part of us is switched off, we wonder why there are so many infantile people.
In childhood, I was a little sage, surrounded by humiliated and offended people, I was always protecting someone, saving someone, some outcasts hung around me because I had enough inner authority to just tell everyone to get lost.
And only later, many years later, after the birth of my child, when I delved into this topic — some people work on building up their level of responsibility, while I was learning to let go of responsibility. I owed everyone, I did, did, did, until it dawned on me: “Why do I owe everyone?”
And so I began to re-examine everything my parents instilled in me: why should you be responsible for this, and this, and this, and this?
For others, the path is the opposite — they need to learn to take on responsibility.
See also Adulthood and Responsibility. How to Level Up Responsibility in Different Areas of Life
The Importance of Being in the Adult Position
On a global level that affects the entire planet, there is a breakdown of the system called capitalism. This is a reformatting of everything. The events of the last two years have shown this clearly.
No one will be left untouched; everyone currently on planet Earth is participating. You could quickly escape from here, but many of you choose life, including me, which means we will all have to deal with the consequences.
To build something new and constructive, you need to be in the adult position — not waiting once again for a wizard in a blue helicopter, as some do, not expecting that it will somehow magically resolve itself, as others think, and that overnight the 3D world will turn into a shining blue sphere.
It’s no coincidence that I’ve been saying this for years, for example, that after meditation you need to do something, not just wait. Because if today you sit, send love to people, and then beat your child or write comments cursing those who don’t share your views, then your words and love are worthless. At that moment, there is no love in you.
Where your attention goes, your energy flows, and that is what multiplies. Ask your inner adult — where is your focus directed, where are you pouring a colossal amount of energy, what are you multiplying right now with your thoughts, emotions, and actions?
You can radiate love, radiate light only when you have reconciled within yourself all the fragmented pieces, the aspects of people that trigger a negative reaction in you: rapists somewhere, someone with a fetish for animals, military actions.
We see ourselves in all of this as in a mirror: I am a murderer and a rapist, I am a terrorist, I am this one, and I am that one. My heart is capable of accepting and surrounding with love without judgment, without evaluation, in total acceptance of myself.
Only by accepting those aspects that you see in other people that annoy you, trigger you, or express radically opposing opinions, do we turn ourselves inside out and, in total wholeness, have the opportunity to radiate light and love, like adults.
See also: From Oppositions to Neutrality. What it Means to Be an Example of How to Live Outside Polarity
What Choice Does Your Inner Adult Make
Many of us came here to help hold the space, especially at this time.
What choice does your inner adult make, where exactly are you going? If you choose a bright future, not as a little child expects everything to be over tomorrow, but as an adult you make efforts to create that future with your own hands, with your bright thoughts, with love.
Despite everything happening in the world, right now we feel a sense of unity. Ordinary people find within themselves the compassion and warmth to support both sides, neutralizing the negativity and anger that is being poured out.
By taking the position of adults, making adult decisions, and taking adult actions, we help goodness to spread.
If you can help someone, help them — some with a word, some in another way. Help those who are near you, because real actions are needed for real people here.
Which world do you choose to live in? Choose a bright, radiant future and start acting accordingly. Start by filtering the words that burst out of you, the emotions that overwhelm you. You have all the tools to transform all of this.
Each person accumulates and integrates within themselves many of their parallel incarnations, in order to finally arrive at acceptance, at the agreement that absolutely everyone is worthy of love, to elevate life as a category of the highest value.
There is nothing more valuable than life, but for this, you need to accept all these roles, all the characters we have ever played. All these emotions are rising precisely because we participated in them.
Therefore, I urge you to be adults. I urge you, as adults, to understand, analyze, and see what is happening around you — not closing your eyes like a little child, not criticizing or judging like a parent, but understanding that my clear head, the light in my soul, the love and values carried by the inner parent — all of this creates a mix so that I can shine, radiate love, and radiate light.
Which state prevails in you: the inner adult, child, or parent?
See also: The “Currency” of the New World. Why It’s Important to Transmit Heartfelt Warmth
This article is based on an episode from the #couch_conversation series “Time to Grow Up”