When people search for an answer to their question, for example, how to find a man, a relationship, or “I want a child,” or how to self-actualize, find their purpose, how to earn more money, they look for the answer within the plane of their question.
I want to earn money — I look for sources of income. Those already into transformation go to psychologists to find the beliefs blocking the flow of money.
Those who want relationships and love go to dating sites and other similar resources. And so on.
All of this may be correct, but when a person is fixated on solving the issue, all their thoughts are about it, they only close this circle and walk around in it.
They move further and further away from themselves, and consequently, from the answer.
Let go of the problem and go within
If you have some kind of fixation on a certain issue, the first thing to do is let go of the issue and go within. There is so much to find there.
When you turn your attention inward, to your essence, to what your soul is asking for, it may turn out that you don’t need a man, or you need a completely different kind of relationship than the one you are seeking.
Or that you don’t need the child you dream of, or if you do, not right now, because at this moment your soul is asking for something else…
Or that money isn’t the main thing, but inner fulfillment and harmony are, not a hundred and five hundred jobs.
It’s important to stop, and no matter how important the question you can’t solve is, let it go, stop holding on, and look inward at what your soul truly wants. Return to yourself.
Sounds cliché? But who has actually tried doing this? Not with the thought: “Now I’ll turn to myself, and my soul will show me the way to achieve my goal,” but truly letting go, detaching.
I think not many. But if you do this, you will feel tremendous relief, because it may turn out that you were heading in completely the wrong direction.
Write in the comments if you’ve had such an experience.
See also Returning to yourself through life crises and reassessing your place in life
Give your joy to life, savor the moment
I once wanted a relationship, really wanted to get married and have children. All my friends were already married or in relationships, but for me it wasn’t working out, it wasn’t coming together.
I walked around with this question constantly in my head. I thought there was something wrong with me, that I needed to become better. I was constantly developing, improving myself from the inside, reading various books on how to make myself better, how to be more sociable, communicative, open, how to not be afraid to meet people, how to improve my appearance.
All of this was for the sake of a relationship.
Diving into all of this, I moved further and further away from myself.
There were relationships that ultimately brought only pain; I was left. And again I would ponder over what I had done wrong, that in the next relationship I needed to be better, and so on.
And at one point, I managed to switch gears, relax, and I started giving to life.
Important point! Before this, I was trying to figure out how to receive, but here I started giving. Giving joy, a good mood, just savoring the moment. There were friends around who picked up on this, and things started to spin.
I simply started living, living as interestingly as I could.
I decided that since relationships and family weren’t working out for me, I would just enjoy myself. I wanted a serious relationship, but I would be happy with a casual one too, if it brought me joy. I was just going to live.
And in that state of fullness, I met my future husband.
Try the meditation “Returning to Yourself,” which will help you regain your lost sense of unity with your spiritual essence and wholeness.
Fixation on a problem. How to let go
It would seem we want something, and it doesn’t seem to contradict the desires of the soul, but at some point we become so fixated that we lose connection with ourselves.
The question becomes more important than we are. The question for the sake of the question.
Sometimes we live, and it seems like we’re applying practices, seemingly in touch with the Higher Self, but essentially we don’t notice that we are stuck in this question: “how to solve this, in what way?”.
We just open our eyes in the morning, and immediately this question. A fixation that lives side-by-side with us as a background hum.
But it just needs to be let go.
It’s the same with weight loss: you look for ways to lose weight, exercise, adjust your diet, search for the psychological causes of excess weight. But you simply need to rise higher, as high as it takes for you to see the solution.
And actually, you don’t even need the solution yet; all that’s needed is to first accept the body as it is.
If there’s no money, no job, accept the situation completely and fully, that you have no money and no job. Right now, this is how it is.
No relationship, no man — well, there isn’t. This is how it is.
By accepting this fact, you are not agreeing that it will always be this way. Right now, it’s like this.
If you get sick, catch a cold, your temperature goes up, you acknowledge it — I am sick. You don’t fall into depression over it, you don’t claim it will be like this forever. Right now it’s like this, and I acknowledge it as a fact.
Excess weight? Yes, I have excess weight, and I accept it. To accept means to acknowledge that it exists, not to run away from it: “oh, get away from me, I don’t see it, it’s not there.” But there it is.
Accept, calm down, and start living from a state of acceptance. Find something right now that will bring you joy, that will fill you up.
The solution to the problem isn’t going anywhere. Difficulties are given to us not for the sake of difficulties themselves, not only so we can solve them, but so you can look within yourself, return to yourself.
And it’s us who consider them difficulties; in reality, this is the way our soul tries to reach us.
See also: What you attract when you feel a need for something. How to let go of neediness
It’s not the goal that matters, but the feelings
For many years I lived by the principle “I set this goal, achieved it, now the next one.” It was all through pushing through, I was clinging to the result. Everything was like solving problems.
But overall, what do we want to get as a result of achieving any goals?
Happiness, harmony, satisfaction. Essentially, we don’t need the goals themselves, but the feelings they bring. We need the state itself.
But you can also work from the opposite direction: return to yourself, fill yourself with love, and radiate that happiness and harmony. This is available here and now; you simply have to choose it.
Afterwards, once you are in this state, many tasks are miraculously resolved. Things happen on their own; often circumstances align so that you manage to solve an unsolvable problem.
And weight falls away, relationships fall into place, a child arrives, a beloved job is found, and self-realization happens.
Because when you are in harmony, joy, and happiness most of the time, you radiate it outward, and it returns to you in multiplied form.
But don’t fall into the trap. Don’t think, “Now I will meditate, rejoice in the birds and flowers, and the universe will give me a man or money.”
Return to yourself for yourself, in order to be, in order to give. Don’t wait.
Actions taken from a state of balance and harmony, and actions taken from a place of lack or desperation, may look the same, but they have different vibrations, different motives, and, consequently, different results.
See also: Why crises and inner turmoil intensify in our lives