When a person is in a state of need, suffering from not having something, we always recommend shifting focus from the lack to what is present, being grateful for what you have.
But here the mind can fall into a trap: I switch to what is there and give thanks for it, but the issue remains unresolved. Does this mean you are putting on rose-colored glasses?
Let’s figure out when this is an escape from solving the problem and a shirking of responsibility, and how to allow yourself to want more.
When you are running away from responsibility
Suppose you have a desire, a need; you want harmonious relationships or a more comfortable life.
Knowing the laws of the universe, that it is important to switch to gratitude, you do just that, focusing on what you have. And you stop there, perhaps thinking that the universe is smart and will give everything on its own.
But this does not happen; disappointment and frustration build up inside you, which you try to hide from yourself.
Then the message to the universe is this — I am grateful for what I have, but I still do not have this thing.
If you look at the situation openly, you will realize that you are doing nothing to reach your goal. And it is scary to admit this. It is scary to admit that you will have to take on responsibility for which you may not be ready.
Then disbelief that it will work out, a lack of vision of where it will come from, and fear of possible disappointment will also follow.
Therefore, you choose the path of least resistance, outwardly following the laws of the universe, but inner discomfort makes itself known. It turns out that you stop at accepting the situation, resigning yourself to the lack of something, and feeling gratitude.
What to do about this and how to move forward, I will tell you next.
See also Adulthood and Responsibility. How to Level Up Responsibility in Different Areas of Life
When You Forbid Yourself Something
If you experience negative emotions about not having something you need, it means the desire is still there, but you forbid yourself. You turn a blind eye to your needs.
Instead of stating that you want it, you push your desires deep inside, into the subconscious.
And negative emotions are just a signal that these desires exist. The reason for the prohibition may be a belief that you are not worthy of it.
An honest admission to yourself that you have needs will help you. The next step is to reframe the need into a desire in a positive way: I do not need, I can want.
See also How to Allow Yourself to Dream
I propose an algorithm that will help you cope with the internal conflict between what you desire and its absence, and help you get what you want.
Algorithm: How to Allow Yourself to Want More
1. Remove the Negative Charge from the Absence of What You Desire
If you truly trust the universe, and your desires and intentions are genuine, coming from the heart, then you know that everything you want will be yours in one way or another at the right time.
A pregnant woman in her third month does not suffer from not having a child right now. She understands that his arrival requires time and certain processes must occur. She helps herself and her child by protecting herself and creating conditions for everything to happen favorably.
2. Switch to gratitude for what you have. The Sun exercise
Stop sending signals of need through your negative emotions and thoughts about how to achieve it. Shift your focus to what you already have, cliché as it may sound, and give thanks for it, while simultaneously training yourself to see abundance around you. The abundance of what you already possess.
We are used to focusing on what we lack and forget to appreciate what we have. To refocus, try the Sun exercise.
Draw a circle — this is you, and rays coming from it. Each ray is something you have: housing (a roof over your head), family, work, life, health. Next to each ray, write what you are grateful for. These can be your achievements, abilities, simple memories, a smile given by your child, a kind word said to you.
The task is to do this conscientiously. Keep drawing until you feel how rich you are, how priceless what you have is. Include material things if they motivate you, as we are all different.
Then look at your sun and realize where your focus is directed. Having priceless wealth, we focus not on it, but on one thing we lack.
See also Gratitude. What is its role in your life
3. Change the wording from “must” to “want”
A separate article has been written about this. It is important to switch from “I must” and “I need” to “I want” and “I deserve.” “I deserve” is for those who do not believe they can have, who forbid themselves.
Remove these bugs of undeservingness, learn to track them. If you do not have something today, it does not mean you will not have it tomorrow.
If you feel like a generator of heart frequency, a generator of abundance, then no one can forbid you from having something except yourself. You are the giving side, you give what you have from a place of fullness, and you receive in abundance.
4. Trust the universe and let go
Trust the universe, your heart, that at the necessary time you will be shown the path, the way to obtain it. Be in an expanded state of consciousness to see and accept different options.
Choose the best and the best ways to obtain what you want, proceed from abundance, not from need.
While what is yours is on its way to you, prepare a place for it. If these are new things, throw away, give away, sell old ones you do not use, free up space.
If you need clients, partners, generate those you want to see, what you can give them, what they will receive as a result of your help, cooperation. Prepare a place for them from an energetic point of view, free up the time you are willing to devote to them. Create space for this.
5. Take responsibility and act
Face the truth, see the internal conflict, what you are afraid of, what you fear.
Go with this question into your personal Pyramid of Light and Power. How to build it is explained in detail in the marathon “Basic Tools of Transformation.”
Sometimes the universe gives gifts when what you want comes easily. Sometimes you need to go through a journey, gain some experience, overcome some challenge.
This challenge does not mean you need to decide to work yourself to the bone to fulfill your needs. For some, the challenge will be to accept as fact that you deserve everything, but you yourself create that reality, you yourself hold yourself back, forbid yourself, and the task is to stop doing that.
Yes, in some places you need to take on more responsibility, but the lesson is not to carry some cross on yourself like a heavy burden, to pay some price, but rather to be honest with yourself and start moving.
You yourself choose where to move, how, and what methods are acceptable to you.