“Most of our stress is the result of mentally minding other people’s business. When I think, ‘You need to find a job; I want you to be happy; you should arrive on time; you need to take better care of yourself,’ I am minding your business.
Mentally minding your business prevents me from minding my own. I am separated from myself and wonder why my life isn’t working.
Do I know what is right for me? That is the only business that concerns me.”
Byron Katie, “Loving What Is”
What kind of interference will be discussed?
As you develop spiritually, you gain access to understanding the motives of your own behavior and the behavior of other people.
Your consciousness expands, and you are able to see more than the people around you. And you develop a desire to help a person, to enlighten them, often regardless of their desire.
Is it possible to help without being asked, to give unsolicited advice, what does this lead to, and also how to help loved ones if they are suffering? Answers in the article.
The need to give advice as a stage of development
There are two types of people with a need to give advice:
- Those who develop, read books, attend trainings, and have a lot of realizations. They think they have become enlightened, know everything, and they develop an irresistible desire to enlighten their loved ones, to tell them how to live.
- The second category is people who do not apply knowledge in practice. They have some kind of pain, they look for the cause, they seem to notice it, but they have not yet realized it. These people start giving advice to everyone instead of working on themselves. Because you need to pick at the wound, and that is painful; it is better to “heal” others.
The need to give advice is a certain stage in life. After a person has pointed a finger at everyone and it dawns on them that it is their own distorted mirror, their own problem, and they start working on it, the advice somehow disappears very quickly.
But there are people who get stuck in this for a long time, and it becomes a lifestyle.
What happens when you help without being asked or if your help is not ready to be accepted
1. You feel a loss of energy
If you feel a loss of energy, it indicates that you have invested in the wrong place.
There are two options: either you were not asked, but you invested; or you are attached to the result.
You start working with a person, communicating with them, thinking about how your advice will help them. And it is important to you that this happens, but it turns out differently.
Healers often fall into this trap. They want it to work out.
Or, for example, a coach has a hundred people on a course, and they want all one hundred to get results. Three did not get results, the coach focuses on them – as a result, they feel a loss of energy because the energy was directed in the wrong place.
Sometimes you are asked for help and you help, trying to solve other people’s problems. At first you felt inspired, but then emptiness and fatigue set in.
This is the stage when the person you are helping becomes a “parasite.” They get used to having their problems solved for them, stop developing themselves, and drain your energy. It is bad for you and for them. A kind of bond forms that needs to be broken.
Think about whether you should continue indulging every request from such a friend, who once again refuses to solve their own problems and drags you into them.
Before you rush headlong to help or rescue someone, consider what is driving you. Is the person’s situation truly that terrible, or is it a case of shifting a problem from a sick head onto a healthy one?
2. You receive “blowback”
Have you ever experienced this: you try to tell people something, to convey an idea, and the response is blowback in the form of ingratitude, for example?
You help a person, do everything for them, and in the end you hear nothing but negativity because they had their own expectations.
A person is not always able to take what you give. They can only take it at a minimal level. And you might have told them how great it would be if they took it fully. But they are not ready, either energetically, vibrationally, or mentally.
Until a person moves to the next stage of development, you still won’t be able to help them, and you will receive a lot of negativity directed at you.
It is also advisable not to give out advice or consultations for free. What is not paid for is usually not valued.
If you are a specialist in some consulting field, conduct consultations for money. This dramatically increases the likelihood that the person will apply what you have said.
See also: Who and when to help. Motives and principles of helping others from a spiritual perspective
3. You violate the law of free will and choice
One of the main laws of the Universe is the law of free will and human choice.
Not many people know that they have a choice and that they possess some freedom, but at the level of higher aspects, this law always operates.
One of the laws of masters and healers is never interfere without a request.
What does this threaten a person with? You are walking down the street and see that a person needs help, see that you can help, and you approach. You helped once, helped a second time, helped a third time, then payment comes for this, for interfering without being asked.
This is a feminine quality. It is written in women’s subconscious that the more she gives, the more she receives the same in return.
In life, it happens that you give to a person, but the return is completely different. You treat a person with respect, with love, help them, support them, and they begin to despise you, hate you, and show their disrespect in every way.
When you help without a request, but they did not ask for it, the person may feel humiliated, insulted, especially if it concerns a man. This should not be forgotten.
Therefore, any help is good when it is asked for.
To understand how the laws of the universe work, take the free course “Cosmic Laws”.
4. You slow down the development of the soul, take away strength from the one you help
If a baby, when learning to walk, did not fall and get up, but you constantly supported them and did not let go, they would never learn to walk.
This applies to all people, especially to grown children. Sometimes you need to get bumps and bruises.
You can never know what task this soul came into this life to accomplish. Perhaps it came precisely to get those bumps and bruises. Perhaps its purpose lies in going through this experience, gathering this negativity, in order to later create something grand.
This is how most trainings and seminars are born. A person encounters a problem, searches for all possible ways to work through it within themselves. They work through it, then share it with others because they see that other people need it too.
But if they had never fallen, never stepped on that rake, this creation would hardly have been born.
If someone nearby constantly tries to help, prompt, and support, they are doing them a disservice. And since the law of free will and choice is violated—that is, they interfere with the course the soul has chosen for itself—a backlash comes back to you.
And the more often you do this, the more serious the backlash. So stop in time.
You are taking away a person’s strength, not allowing them to develop.
A clear example is with grown children and parents. Parents spend their whole lives cushioning the child’s fall, protecting them from difficulties in every way. As a result, this child grows up completely unadapted to life.
It is especially hard when it is a boy. He was not taught to take action or achieve goals. He knows that everything he needs, he can get from his parents.
In the end, the parents grow old but are still forced to solve all the issues of their grown child.
Such a child gets into an accident, wrecks a car, or gets into a nasty situation, falls into debt that the parents are forced to pay off because the child is incapable.
This is the backlash for the parents. All because they did not let go in time, did not allow them to develop on their own, and took away their strength.
See also: Empowering other people as a way of serving and gaining one’s own strength
Learn how to empower others and how this will help you become stronger yourself.
When to help
Don’t interfere if not asked. This proverb didn’t appear by chance. It is spiritual, metaphysical, and esoteric.
You should only help a person if they have asked for it. If you see that help is needed and cannot refrain from intervening, offer it. If the person agrees, then share your insights.
Your help can be relevant in one case – when a person is ready to see the real situation. As long as they don’t see it, you will only waste your energy. And when you waste it, you feel powerless.
Believe me, if you have such a need inside, if it is your destiny to share your experience and your knowledge with people, there are always those who are waiting for it.
You just need to open up. Don’t try to make someone happy by force. You can’t force someone to be fond of you.
How to help loved ones if they are suffering
- Offer support. Mostly, when a person complains, they don’t want advice; they want support, to understand that they are not alone. So support them, but without sinking into their negativity with them, without picking it up; maintain neutrality. What good is your help if you both fall apart together?
- Express your opinion if asked, and not just once. Only then give advice. Make sure beforehand that the person is truly ready to listen and will apply it.
- Learn to trust your loved ones; they also go through their lessons just like you. Only you do it consciously, while they do not.
- Put yourself in the place of the person you are instructing. Would the help or advice you offer be pleasant or useful to you? You cannot know this because you have not been in their place. You do not know their true motives: why they acted that way, what led them to it, why they cannot take a step that seems obviously simple to you?
Write in the comments: have you encountered situations described in the article? What conclusions did you draw for yourself?
The article is based on accompanying webinars for clients of the Keys to Mastery Training Center (September 2012, August 2013) and a broadcast from the #conversation_on_the_couch section “Unsolicited Advice”