You know what the hardest thing about relationships with parents is?
Accepting that they will NEVER change! And they have every right to be that way.
Just as you have every right to become a loving parent to yourself and give yourself everything you lacked from your parents as a child. Provided, of course, that you are over 18…
In this article, we offer you a selection of books that we read in Instagram stories throughout 2021.
And since this is an interactive article, you can look inside each book to see the signs of codependency, what imprint different types of parents have left on you, what healthy relationships free from codependency look like, and recommendations for those who recognized themselves in the text.
Right now, there are 5 books here in the order I studied them, and there are a few more books on the shelf, so I plan to keep adding to this article.
1. Susan Forward «Toxic Parents»
All (or almost all) parents fail to meet our expectations from time to time. However, Susan Forward doesn’t soften the blows when it comes to people whose flaws inflict severe psychological trauma on their children.
Her lively, candid book helps neutralize parental manipulation through authority, guilt, and other “killers” of self-esteem.
This book is for anyone who wants to heal from childhood pain and, most importantly, move forward, break free from the patterns of disappointing relationships rooted in the parental home.
Read a sample on the Bookshelf
2. Susan Forward “Indifferent Mothers”
Does your mom control your every move? Do you constantly feel her judging and devaluing gaze? Are all your actions subjected to criticism? This is why many women suffer from anxiety and depression, relationship problems, lack of confidence, and difficulty with trust. They doubt their own worth and ability to love.
The book describes the narcissistic mother, the rival mother, the control-obsessed mother, the mother who is lost in life, mothers who do not protect their daughters from abuse or are themselves aggressive toward their daughters.
Read a sample excerpt on the Bookshelf
3. Lindsay Gibson “The Freedom to Be Yourself”
Lindsay Gibson’s new book offers powerful tools to help you find healing and break free from the oppressive control of emotionally immature parents and other immature people in your life.
You’ll discover practical ways to set boundaries, acknowledge your feelings, and experience emotional independence in all your relationships.
If you’re ready to stop being a victim of immature, hurtful behavior and let go of the fear of judgment and punishment instilled in you by emotionally immature parents, this book will help you gain the freedom to live life on your own terms.
Read a sample excerpt on the Bookshelf
4. Melody Beattie “Codependent No More”
In a crisis, it’s easy to fall back into old patterns. Caring for your well-being includes maintaining healthy boundaries and letting go of unhealthy relationships.
We all have codependent relationships; the key is to recognize and assess the degree of that dependency in time. Maybe you take on other people’s problems as intensely as your own. Or, perhaps even unconsciously, you try to control the life of someone close to you. It’s also possible that your own life feels empty and meaningless without that person.
You might lose yourself in another, forgetting about your own needs. Melody Beattie calls our endless urge to coddle and rescue loved ones a disease and explains how to cope with it so you don’t end up completely destroying yourself.
Read a sample excerpt on the Bookshelf
5. Robert Hemfelt “Choosing Love”
This book is about codependency, i.e., dependence on a certain type of behavior, mental processes, on certain people and things. Codependent people try to fill the gaping emptiness inside by sucking in the lives of those around them, drugs, money, food, sex, work, and a misunderstood religion.
The authors show the mechanisms of codependency and ways to overcome it.
What other books are next in line
Susan Forward “Emotional Blackmail,” Lindsay Gibson “Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents,” Karyl McBride “Will I Ever Be Good Enough?” and Stefanie Stahl “The Child in You Must Find a Home.”
On the topic of alcohol addiction
For codependency among family members of an alcoholic, check out the books by Valentina Moskalenko “Return to Life” and Janet Woititz “Adult Children of Alcoholics: Family, Work, Relationships.”