In the first two parts, we discussed how to connect to your source of power and how to wield that power with wisdom. This article is about your children.
Find out what you can do for them. How, instead of control, you can support the power within your child.
From Control and Rescuing to Cultivating Strength in Your Children
If you catch yourself continuing to interfere in the lives of your loved ones, figure out why you are doing it.
For example, parents often interfere in the lives of their teenage children.
Ideally, parents create a safe space for their children to unfold the opportunities and potentials with which the children came.
Instead, many parents try to impose on their children the social norms that they themselves, for some reason, believe in.
Negotiate with your children, explain, talk to them.
“Talking” fails for only one reason – most parents say one thing but live completely differently.
It turns out that your children are teaching you – to let go of your controlling grip, to think about yourself, to learn to enjoy life.
Parents bully their children because the children allow themselves to be alive. But when you yourself are dead or half-dead, the child’s behavior will provoke resistance in you.
Your children are children of the future who are here and now. They show you what it means to be free, what it means to be true to yourself.
But if you, as a parent, betray and “sell out” yourself time and again, naturally your children will become your “enemies.”
Sincerely admire your teenagers.
Your children are not “acting out” for no reason. They feel that you have put them in an iron cage. Instead of being a buffer between society and your children, you endlessly mess with their heads.
A teenager starts acting out when they need help and support. Only you can provide them with that help and support.
A dialogue with a child is possible only when you accept your child and all their manifestations. When a teenager feels that you will accept and support any of their choices, then a conversation can take place between you.
See also: How to Build a Healthy Relationship with Your Teenage Child
Responsibility as an Attribute of Your Child’s Strength
Most parents are in no hurry to hand over responsibility for their children’s lives into their own hands.
Children get used to having everything done for them. It doesn’t even occur to them that they need to go and do something for themselves.
The standard of living has risen. In current conditions, there is no real challenge to move forward.
Young people sit in a stagnant comfort zone, and everything seems fine, but without a challenge, there is no drive or motivation to move forward. Yet when life throws these challenges at them, you, as parents, for some reason get upset and worry.
The point of separation for a grown child is that they learn to make decisions without looking back at their parents. Especially when mom is against it, dad is against it.
The child goes through life the way they like. This is called psychological separation from parents. Parents do the same thing.
Very often, when children feel bad, they find a way to turn to their parents for help.
When a person’s life (child or adult) is full of meaning, filled to the brim, there is usually no need to talk a lot about themselves or interact extensively with relatives.
When you feel bad, you want to switch gears and get support from relatives or acquaintances. Most people do this, including you.
But for some reason, it bothers you when your children behave the same way.
For you, this may be a signal that your own life is not full, which is why you focus all your attention on your child and the “flaws” of their choices.
Very often, you delegate your desires to other people—you want something, but someone else should do it for you.
For example, you complain that your adult child doesn’t call you, and you worry. Make the call yourself—it’s your desire, not your child’s.
These are examples from the old 3-D model, when people didn’t know how to talk and negotiate.
When you bring the focus back to yourself and learn to meet your own needs, the people around you quickly begin to respond. This happens because the space inside you that was once empty becomes filled.
You can continue trying to fill your voids through others. In that case, you will end up in codependent relationships every time.
But sooner or later, you will face the need to fill yourself. And it’s only up to you what you fill yourself with.
This is an interesting phenomenon. When you are codependent, you miss another person. When you stop filling yourself at the expense of another and focus on yourself, the longing somehow evaporates.
When your own life becomes rich and interesting, you are content and happy for the opportunity to interact with another and be together. If that opportunity isn’t there, you take it completely in stride.
To get closer to the feeling of fullness in life more quickly, learn to give thanks. Not just for specific results, but for the ability to breathe, smile, cry—for all those things you always took for granted.
See also [Interactive Article] Books on Codependency
Let Others Play Their Games, Even If They Are Your Children
In interactions with others, keep the focus in front of you: “Is this my business or not?”
In 3D, everything worked that way: you entered someone else’s space and could calmly dictate to another how to live. But you have outgrown that time. Essentially, you have already broken free from those shackles.
Although some still continue to play this game beautifully.
Allow others (especially close people) to play their games. Leave them alone. The more you pressure them, the more you try to “awaken” them, the worse the result will be, including for you.
Unlike those who continue to play with delight, the law of free will and choice applies to you.
Cosmic Laws always operate. It’s just that those who rise upward feel the effect of their action more, rather than those who choose to play 3D games.
If your loved ones or children themselves ask you for help in “awakening,” give them your recommendation and see whether they use it or not.
Do not initiate help yourself. If a person has no internal request for change, it is impossible to help them change. You cannot ride to paradise on someone else’s back.
It is impossible to “save” someone who does not want to be saved. A person must be so fed up with everything that they are ready to deal with their anger, aggression, and their own cockroaches.
Many people just like to talk “about it.”
How Do You Support Strength in Your Child?
Please share in the comments on our social media pages and in the Keys of Mastery Telegram channel.
The article is based on a broadcast from the #conversation_on_the_couch section «Wisdom of Strength«