If you are interested in self-development, then you have surely already encountered a concept like a whole personality.
What is it, and more importantly – what does it actually mean for you? Check for yourself; perhaps many problems in your life are connected precisely to the fact that you have lost your wholeness and cannot seem to find it again…
All the answers are in the article and accompanying videos by Alena Starovoytova.
Whole Personality
A whole personality is a person who has integrated the fragmented parts of themselves, is aware of and accepts themselves in all their possible fullness, and has access to their talents and inner strength.
If you are whole, then:
- You love and value yourself
- You possess the full extent of your energy and know how to manage it
- You have diverse talents and know how to use them to your benefit
- You acknowledge negative traits in yourself and other people, but handle them calmly and adequately
- You build relationships with other people not out of need, but for interest and enjoyment
- You are wonderful, and you know it!
See also: Profiles of Destiny. From Survival to Life Mission
Defining your profile will help you get to know yourself more deeply.
Non-Whole Personality
A non-whole personality is a person who has lost access to some of their parts and the energy that goes with them.
They reject many of their qualities (which they consider negative). But, in reality, this cuts them off from their talents and vibrant self-expression, depriving them of happiness and inner harmony.
Everything that is rejected or detached from the personality goes into the Shadow.
You are a non-whole personality if:
- You know that you need to love yourself… But sometimes, for some reason, you hate yourself. Or you wait for someone else to love you.
- You have some energy, but it’s just not enough to achieve success… 2/3 of your energy is blocked. You are not receiving the love, finances, or recognition that you could have.
- And you don’t have any special talents. Or you have some, but they are average. Others have better ones! Or you know your talents, but you can’t seem to realize them.
- You have a lot of flaws. And other people have simply monstrous flaws. And how can you live with that?
- You build relationships because other people give you a sense of being needed. And anyway, it’s less anxious with them.
- You admire (or feel envy towards) someone else…
Write down which points from the first and/or second list you found in yourself?
Learn how to learn to broadcast your uniqueness.
How and why you lost your personality’s wholeness
1. Psychological trauma in childhood
A child is practically helpless in front of almost any adult. If you had a good family (which, unfortunately, is rare) – kindergarten teachers, school teachers, even random acquaintances could have “gotten to” you.
Swearing, ridicule, unfair punishment, rejection of achievements – we have all encountered this, in one form or another.
Depending on the complexity of the situation, all the parts of your personality connected to it are hidden more or less deeply.
Perhaps in childhood, hiding them was your only salvation. But now you are an adult. It’s time to reclaim what was lost.
2. Devaluation and criticism from significant people
We trust significant, dear, and authoritative people the most. We trust parents and loved ones even more than we trust ourselves.
Any word from these people can lift us up – or it can break us.
And, alas, not all of us are lucky enough to have considerate relatives and partners. Certain words and situations sometimes simply “cut off” chunks of our talents, strength, and personal opinion…
See also Who am I? How to know yourself if you remove external reference points
3. Following other people’s scripts and “labels”
We try to squeeze ourselves into the framework of other people’s stereotypes and the “rules” established in society.
At the same time, we deny ourselves honest expression of emotions and actions that contradict the “norms.”
We endure, then we break down, calling ourselves a “bad woman,” a “bad mother,” a “worthless man” – and so on in a circle…
External scripts of perfection are an endless trap.
4. Projecting your own “shortcomings” onto other people
Accepting yourself as you are – imperfect, with flaws – is very difficult.
And not just with “glamorous flaws” (“I’m damn angry,” “I’m such a bitch”), but with perfectly small and banal ones.
I’m clumsy, I’m sometimes so stupid and disorganized, I’m weak, I snore, I’m not very neat… Let’s stay silent about sexual mishaps and other secret “skeletons in the closet.”
To simply accept this in yourself, you need to face shame, sometimes go through painful memories.
Yes, in the end it will return some of your strength and make you more resilient and whole.
And yes, it is very difficult.
So – “I don’t have that.” It’s others who have it. Princesses don’t poop.
As a result, similar manifestations in others “drive you crazy” – and this is a sign of your own Shadow.
5. Projecting your own strengths onto other people or envy
Just as with shortcomings, we also do this with our strengths. It is very difficult to admit that you are truly great, magnificent.
This imposes responsibility. It also makes all the “inner whispers” raise their heads – “Look at you, showing off…”, “Want too much – get too little.”
So we get inspired and envious, looking at others – talented, successful, bright.
I speak from experience – these people usually don’t possess any particularly special talents. They are simply braver and more conscious.
You don’t need to “uncover talents.” You need the courage to be yourself.
See also What are the shadow aspects of personality and how to return to your true self
How to find wholeness of personality
Just as you lost it, point by point, you reclaim it.
- You need to reclaim the energy from your childhood, filling it with love and support.
- It’s important to see the limiting scenarios that keep playing out again and again.
- You must take back everything you project onto other people.
- You need to see and reclaim your personal treasures – your strength, talents, dreams – and direct them toward your own fulfillment.
- And, of course, reunite with the reclaimed parts of yourself in a unifying dance!
This is a challenging and thoughtful process. It requires time to be alone with yourself. It demands honesty and even courage — living in childish illusions is much easier… But if you commit to this work — believe me, the results will exceed your expectations.
You won’t become the perpetually smiling “successful” superman from commercials. But you will become yourself — and you will be happy to be yourself.
P.S. All the points listed for restoring wholeness to your personality are part of Alena Starovoitova’s seminar “Dance with the Shadow 3.0.” If you’re wondering where to start your journey back to yourself — we recommend starting with it.