There are a number of people who call a partner’s, spouse’s, or loved one’s departure a betrayal. Some consider the failure to keep agreements not only between spouses, but also between business partners, employees, and friends, to be a betrayal.
Let’s figure out what betrayal actually is. And if you have this trauma, read on to learn how to recover if you feel you have been betrayed.
In the course “Dance with the Shadow 3.0,” I recommend reading the book “The Five Wounds That Prevent You from Being Yourself” by Liz Bourbeau.
It describes five psychotypes that allow you to determine whether you have a particular trauma or not, and how to heal it. The trauma of betrayal is also included there.
How the Trauma of Betrayal Appears
The catalyst or initiator of the trauma of betrayal is usually for a woman — the father, for a man — the mother. A catalyst is a person who triggers a certain program, essentially pressing the “On” button, and it starts working.
The trauma of betrayal usually stretches from past lives; you already come into this life with it.
The situation itself that triggers the trauma can be quite harmless. It is not necessarily a parental divorce or a father leaving the family. It could be some trivial thing, but it was enough to trigger the scenario you came to work through.
Later, in more mature years, this trauma manifests in relationships (in marriage), sometimes in business partnerships, or in friendships. A spouse falls out of love, decides to leave, or cheats, and you perceive it as a betrayal on their part. How can this be? Didn’t they promise to love until death? We planned to be together for life, why are you doing this to me? You betrayed me, you betrayed our love?
Often, similar situations repeat several times in life.
Liz Bourbeau’s book describes in detail the signs of trauma, its origin, and its manifestation. It outlines the psychological reactions and what a person does in certain situations.
When you work through this trauma, specifically in relation to your father (or mother, if you are a man), the other men in your life will stop playing out the betrayal scenario.
What is betrayal? A quick way to identify betrayal trauma
The word “traitor” is only used by a person who has betrayal trauma.
Because someone with betrayal trauma sees betrayal in every situation. Friends turn their backs, someone fails to do something — the word “betrayal” is always on their lips.
For those without this trauma, how often do you use that word?
Here is the definition of betrayal according to Wikipedia: “Betrayal is the treacherous handing over of someone to someone else” (literal meaning); “Violation of loyalty to someone or something” (figurative meaning).
“Treacherous handing over” is still related to treason against one’s homeland. We only keep loyalty consciously, because we want to or do not want to. No one else can control this process. Do not forget the universal law of free will and choice.
See also: Working with old traumas during the full moon
What is not betrayal
Infidelity is not betrayal. As painful as it may be for you, infidelity cannot be called betrayal based on the official meaning of the word.
You can perceive betrayal as being abandoned. But the person simply made a choice to live their life without you. And it is that painful, traumatized part of you that screams about it.
I once had a young man who held on to me. And in the end, I told him: “No, we will not be together, we will not get married.”
I didn’t even explain the reason, sparing his male ego. But the point is, I realized I could not be happy with this person, including sexually.
Why should I break myself, why should I force my body, why should I sacrifice my happiness just so that person could feel good with me? That’s not normal.
It’s just that when we are on the other side, we cry, we are in pain. But you also need to be able to put yourself in that person’s shoes.
Parallel relationships with another woman are also not betrayal. It is deception.
Breaking an agreement is not betrayal. Promising something and not doing it is not betrayal, falling out of love is not betrayal. But you will understand this when you heal your root trauma of betrayal.
After all, when a bank employee promised something and didn’t deliver, you don’t call them a “traitor.” It’s called something else.
See also: How a love triangle arises from an energetic perspective
How to restore emotional balance if you have been “betrayed”
This trauma causes the most painful sensations in romantic relationships, in situations where a partner leaves, regardless of the reason.
How to preserve yourself while in complete turmoil.
Focus on the feeling of love, not on the trauma
A person is not your property. And even if you once made promises to each other, everything could have changed by now.
Perhaps you have both changed so much, outgrown each other, that being together has become impossible.
When one person makes the decision, for the other it can feel like a bolt from the blue — unexpected, a blow, especially if there is a trauma of betrayal.
If we are talking about the soul, about love, it is a priceless gift from the person who experiences this feeling. Do not diminish this gift, do not reduce it to a banal “you scratch my back, I’ll scratch yours.”
“I will chain you to the radiator so you are always near.” In doing so, your ego destroys the soul.
You chose to direct your gift of love toward this person. And now that you have lost it, the ego suffers. But your love remains with you. It has not gone anywhere.
Refocus yourself; if you truly love them, then surely what matters to you is that they are doing well, deep down. Let them be happy, live, and thrive. Be honest with yourself about this.
See also: How to accept and cope with loss and its spiritual function
Return yourself to yourself
If you have “invested” several years of your life into one single person, considered them your “light in the window,” it means you lost yourself in the relationship, dissolved, gave yourself away to them.
And who is the main person in your life? You, of course!
So, rebuild your life. Make your life interesting for yourself. Make it fulfilling.
And at the same time, when it overwhelms you, say: “I thank, forgive, and release.” Let go. The faster you do this, the easier it will be for you.
This is difficult to do because you need to step over your own selfishness, which tries to bind and chain a person to you.
See also: How betrayal of oneself manifests and how to change it
Ask for help from higher powers
In such situations in the past, I usually turned upward immediately. And then the greatest revelation came when I felt the presence of Archangel Michael.
I sobbed, saying: “I thank, I forgive, I let go.” And then I suddenly felt the most powerful support, as if someone was standing behind me. A huge winged entity, a being.
Everything is in our hands; our spiritual guides are always nearby and ready to help, but without our request, their permission is powerless. It is like in the joke: “Did you call?” — “No! But I was waiting for help.”
Ask, if necessary demand, that they show the possibility for healing, that they heal your trauma of betrayal. Allow yourself to shed this burden, give it over for healing, for example, in your Pyramid of Light and Power.
Forgive your father
Since our audience is mostly female, I am saying that you need to forgive your father.
If you remember the situation that triggered the trauma of betrayal, good; if not, you don’t even need to do that. From a logical point of view, almost any situation can be explained. From a spiritual point of view, we are all teachers and students, and we choose for ourselves the path and experience we want to live through.
Your father played his role; forgive him, and with that, the trauma of betrayal will go away.
See also: How to let go of resentment towards your father and why it is important to do so
Write in the comments, have you had any experience healing the trauma of betrayal? How did you heal it?
The article is written based on the materials of the accompanying webinar for clients of the KM Center for December 2020
P.S. You can comment on the article in the Keys of Mastery Telegram channel )