To use the gift of love, you must achieve wholeness, stop searching for your other half in someone, stop filling the void from the outside at the expense of other people, and begin to gradually fill yourself from within.
I will describe how this process of returning to wholeness happens using my own example in this article.
Read on to learn how to accept your gift of love and make it your resource.
The Path to Returning Wholeness
The topic of self-sufficiency is vast. This concept is intertwined with the concept of wholeness.
Wholeness involves returning lost parts of yourself (from past lives, alternative and parallel realities).
When you achieve self-sufficiency, you no longer need someone else to feel fulfilled inside.
For me, my husband resolved this issue. He is one of those people whose energy circulates in a circle. Such people, due to their energetic type, are self-sufficient on their own.
I, on the contrary, once made many mistakes trying to “break through” to him, wanting to be aware of all his affairs, including personal ones.
Now I calmly say that I don’t know what his plans are or what he is doing. He has his plans, and I have mine.
Many people don’t understand this, because “husband and wife are one Satan.”
Maris taught me in a rather harsh way that I shouldn’t meddle or delve into certain things (for example, relationships with exes where there is a child). He taught me. Now I am for wholeness.
Each puzzle piece of returning to yourself is a step on the path to wholeness. Any practices are good here.
The main filter: does it allow you to feel more fulfilled, resourceful, and whole?
See also: How to Achieve Personal Wholeness
How relationships with loved ones and parents change in the process of reclaiming your wholeness
On the path of returning to yourself, you begin to realize what you want, what kind of treatment you deserve, and what your desires are. You may encounter misunderstanding from loved ones.
As long as you are wounded or empty inside, as long as you internally agree with what your parents say, it will be true.
When you find your wholeness, there becomes “no place to strike” – the function of the other person in relation to you is fulfilled.
The more you love and value yourself, the stronger you become, the less you are influenced by another person’s opinion.
When you take the position of an observer, you cannot be drawn into such “painful” relationships.
Do not try to remake another person or situation. As long as you want to be forgiven or understood, the situation will not change.
Sometimes you just need to accept that you are a “bitch” in relation to your parents, or children, or relatives.
As long as there is even one part inside you that wants to maintain harmony or a semblance of decency at any cost, nothing will change.
Either you are with yourself and ready to be a “bitch” in the eyes of others, or the old game continues. For the sake of preserving yourself, for the sake of being yourself, you are ready to accept all these “labels” from loved ones.
These “labels” will only affect you if you still have a hole inside, and it craves the love of loved ones (parents, children, partners).
For the most part, the basis of conflicts with parents is your desire to remake or fix them.
Our course “Dance with the Shadow 3.0” is dedicated to finding lost parts of yourself. Its goal is to realize and release the shadow aspects of consciousness — repressed, alienated feelings, emotions, and personal qualities.
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How to find the gift of love and make it your resource
Change your worldview
It is not enough to do practices, even constantly. Change your worldview, because it is the foundation of everything.
It is like a certain legislative base — beliefs/attitudes/programs, based on which you build your life.
For example, in your worldview, two people are halves of one whole.
Without the other half (a man), you do not feel fulfilled, you cannot be happy or self-sufficient.
As a result, the appearance or disappearance of this man from your life will serve as a point (condition) for stabilization or destabilization.
If this man disappears from your life, your life will collapse.
See also Why it is so hard to find a soulmate
In this article, we propose to understand what halves and the whole are. Learn how to gather all parts of yourself to become whole and meet a worthy partner.
Accept that love is YOUR gift, and it does not need to be earned
Many problems arise from a misunderstanding of what love is in principle.
Discussions about unconditional and conditional love, about how everyone demands love and trades it for benefits, have already become clichés.
When you love, love is your gift. Even if it is not mutual. This is a revelation and realization that took me many years to reach.
I grew up in relationships, moving from one relationship to another. Each time I had different goals and different tasks that I set for myself.
In the end, I have what I have. Including the realization that love is a gift that you possess.
The gift of love does not imply reciprocity or mutuality (that the other person “must” love you). Moreover, love does not imply that this person will be present in your life.
For this reason, they say if you love someone, you will let them go and rejoice in their happiness.
No matter how your personal situation unfolds, your first step is always acceptance. In this case, acceptance that your love is your gift, your resource, and you revel in the fact that you have it.
It does not matter whether the “object” of your love is present in your life or not, whether you are experiencing a light infatuation or a serious feeling—you enjoy your gift.
If you do not accept love as a gift, no matter how many practices you do to “erase” unhappy love from your life, you will repeatedly step on the same “painful” rake.
When you reflect on the gift of your love, focus on what this feeling has filled you with.
Go through the meditation “Returning to Yourself,” which will help you regain the lost sense of unity with your spiritual essence and wholeness.
Radiate love
To realize the full depth of love, completely rewrite everything that has been implanted in your mind, starting with romantic songs and Cinderella fairy tales.
Love is a gift that you possess.
When a person “disappears” from your life, you often grasp at various rituals and practices (for severing ties with the past, cutting etheric threads, etc.).
Practices cannot replace your understanding of the following: If you love someone, it is your gift, your resource.
Instead of transferring or placing this gift onto a specific person, you need to cultivate the gift of love within yourself.
When you radiate love outward, even more love for yourself arises within you, and people who can share love with you are automatically drawn to you. The mechanics of the process work exactly like this.
The patterns established in the mass consciousness, on the contrary, have always been aimed at “grabbing” the one you love and keeping them close at any cost.
Young women are still preoccupied with how to get married, where to find “the one,” how to tame him, and then join the race called “have children in time.”
This collective program still dominates, while love is about something entirely different.
How to Use the Resource of Love
To use the resource of love, reflect on what love gives you. You are in an elevated state, experiencing a feeling of flight, your eyes are shining.
Love is a resource.
Describe the “symptomatology” of your love as fully as possible — what you have inside, what you receive when you are in this resourceful state.
Problems begin when you place your gift, your resource, onto another person. It is then that you develop hopes, disappointments, resentments, and attempts to control.
All of these are reactions of the ego. It is important to distinguish where the ego manifests itself and where the priceless divine gift does. Reflect on this topic and write down everything that comes to your mind.
Create your own individual “recipe” for using the resource of love.
When you start being yourself, all those who do not match your new worldview begin to disappear from your life.
See also: How to realize your feminine value
Share in the comments what you think about this? Do you believe that love is your gift, or that love must be earned?
The article is based on a broadcast from the #conversation_on_the_couch section “Love as a Gift”