Living by the principles of mindfulness and spirituality, you try to apply them to raising children as well. But if within the family you can provide a harmonious environment for your child, what should you do about society?
Should you send your child to regular educational institutions or develop outside the system? Many mothers are puzzled by this question, especially those who are on a path of spiritual development.
In this article, we will look at models of development for modern children, as well as your child’s relationship with the older generation.
Models of Development for Modern Children
We can identify the main paths for the development of a new child:
- within the existing system;
- outside the system;
- a mixed option.
Child Development Within the System
This option includes children who show interest in social interaction and external activity.
Such children are drawn to communication and establishing contacts with other people. It is important for them to feel connected to others.
Thanks to this, they can feel satisfied and fulfilled. For such children, the path of development “within the system” or a mixed option is suitable.
See also: Is there value in current education for children and what can we give them as parents
Child Development Outside the System
There are children who are satisfied and happy alone – playing by themselves, with their toys.
They are not drawn to communication with others or external activity; they prefer solitude.
Often, such children do not even need interaction with their own parents. They are self-sufficient.
The path of development “outside the system” or a mixed option is suitable for them.
See also Children – helpers in opening the heart and an opportunity to experience unconditional love
Mixed development option
This can include options for family education (or external study) – when a child is formally enrolled in school but actually studies at home, reporting to the school on the results of their studies and receiving a standard certificate at the end of their education.
In such cases, if the child needs social interaction, the child can get additional communication by attending various clubs.
The child can attend school in the usual mode – for the sake of maintaining social connections, rather than for gaining knowledge. At the same time, the child receives the knowledge they specifically need outside of school.
Some parents prefer to unite and organize their own kindergartens.
For example, a group of parents privately gathers a group of children.
One mother works with this group at her home (children from one year old), while the other mothers get the opportunity to go to work.
Variations are possible here, for example:
- an educational children’s group;
- the role of the educator is performed by parents in turn;
- by agreement of the parents, the group periodically changes location.
You can come up with and organize your own option – depending on your individual request.
How to decide which development model to prefer
When deciding which path to prefer, focus on the characteristics of your child.
In each development model (inside or outside), there are its own unique specialists.
The main guideline for choosing “what to prefer” should be the person (the specialist), not the organization (kindergarten, school), the upbringing system or methodology, and especially not the proximity to home or the cost.
Ideally, you are “entrusting” your child to a specific teacher, educator, or specialist, not to a faceless “them.”
This should be a person who resonates with you and with whom you share common values regarding the child.
If necessary, do not be afraid to wait for such a specialist. Be prepared to adapt to circumstances (time, distance, interaction conditions).
An important factor for choosing a model and a specialist is your financial capabilities.
See also: A child grows up without a father – What to do?
Listen to the recording of a training seminar on how to raise a child to be whole without a father.
Upbringing in the family, building relationships between the child and grandparents
A child’s psyche is very plastic.
Regardless of how many close people are present around the child and participate in their upbringing, the child builds their own communication style with each adult.
For example, in the same family, the father allows the child to do something, while the mother does not allow the same thing. The child adapts and, depending on the environment, begins to behave in one way or another.
The general line in raising a child is jointly established by both parents (father and mother), if it is a complete family. If you are raising a child alone, your line of upbringing will be the determining one.
The parents of the parents (grandmothers and grandfathers) do not have a decisive voice in determining the general line of upbringing. Everything that grandmothers and grandfathers convey and do towards their grandchildren comes from love, whatever content the adults may put into it.
As a rule, upbringing by grandmothers and grandfathers is built on indulgences and concessions to the child.
There is no need to worry that the involvement of your own parents in raising your child could harm them (“spoil” them). This will not happen if you yourself clearly adhere to your own general line of upbringing.
To determine the main line of upbringing, start from what you want to instill in the child. At the same time, do not forget to regularly return to reviewing your own value system.
Be consistent in adhering to your line of upbringing.
When your parents interfere with how you raise your child, it all comes down to the issue of dependence. You can hire a nanny, and then, as an employee, she will follow your instructions.
If you are limited in finances and opportunities and dependent on help from your parents, you will have to hand over the “reins of power.”
It is necessary to understand that if for some reason you officially transfer the child to your parents for upbringing, you are obliged to listen to their opinion.
If you are not financially dependent on your parents and do not live on their territory, the issue of their interference or non-interference in the child’s upbringing is a matter of your personal boundaries.
Well-established and healthy personal boundaries naturally block any interference from others in your life.
Grandmothers and grandfathers do not raise, but essentially play (with their grandchildren). Your parents invested their efforts in your upbringing and thus fulfilled their responsibility.
With grandchildren, grandmothers and grandfathers play, which is why they tend to spoil them.
In this case, parents act as a necessary element for balance. Only they can set the main tone for upbringing and make constant efforts to maintain it.
The effect of grandparents’ involvement in raising a child depends on:
- how harmonious your personal relationship with your parents is;
- how well you can engage in dialogue and constructive interaction with them;
- how well your own boundaries are established.
See also: If your relationship with your parents is like a minefield – why and what to do
Criticism, raised voices, constant remarks… Why do you easily stand up to a rude person on the tram but tolerate the same from your parents?
What makes you accept such treatment from relatives as normal, and how to change the situation, read in the article and watch in the video by Alena Starovoitova.
Write in the comments: which development model did you choose for your child? How are the relationships between the child and grandparents developing?
The article is based on a broadcast from the #conversation_on_the_couch section “New Children and the System”