There is a direct correlation between your relationship with your father and your current relationships with men.
Your father is the first and most important man in a girl’s life. Traditionally, a man symbolizes support and a foundation for a woman in life.
And if the relationship with your father doesn’t work out, this experience leaves its mark on all future relationships with men.
If you are unhappy with your relationships with your husband or men in general and want to improve them, or want to meet the partner you dream of in the future, re-evaluate your relationship with your dad.
In this article, we will look at how to let go of resentment towards your father, if it exists.
Why it’s important to forgive your father
Many women whose personal lives aren’t working out often blame men for it. They say things like, “Real men have died out.”
But nothing happens without a reason. If relationships with men only bring suffering, you need to look inside yourself. Namely, at your relationship with your father, as well as the relationship between your parents.
After all, they set the tone for how your life will unfold.
If a girl had expectations about what her father should be like, and they didn’t match reality, she may develop a trauma, a deep resentment that she carries throughout her life.
As long as this resentment remains in her heart, a woman attracts into her life men who repeat her father’s undesirable actions.
They leave her if her father left the family, they cheat if there was infidelity in the family, they treat her disrespectfully if her father didn’t show his feelings.
One of the goals of souls that come to planet Earth is to gain self-love, realize their own preciousness, and accept their femininity (for women).
And most often, the father, and later husbands and partners, help women realize this lesson.
And when you forgive your dad, and through him your husbands and partners, the universe no longer needs to attract men into your life who can cause you suffering.
See also: How to communicate with elderly parents so that communication is a joy for both sides
How to let go of resentment towards your father
I offer an algorithm that will help you realize the pearl of wisdom contained in your, perhaps difficult, relationship with your father, forgive him, and let go of the resentment.
Step #1. Voice your grievances to your father
Imagine your father is standing in front of you. Take a notebook and pour out onto the paper all the grievances you have accumulated against him throughout your life. Write until the flow of your thoughts runs dry.
This method is quite well-known and effective. It’s good because you don’t need to voice your grievances in person, thereby creating a conflict.
Voice the resentment out loud, read what you wrote with emotion. Even better, take your phone (no need to call anyone) and simulate a conversation with your father.
Step #2. Release the emotions outward
Partially, if you speak out loud what has accumulated, your emotions will spill out.
You may need to do this more than once until you feel relief.
Identify where in the body the emotions responsible for resentment toward your father are located, become aware of what these emotions are (anger, bitterness), and accept them.
After this, make a decision to let them go. This can be done in various ways, for example, the Emotional Freedom Technique, the worksheet from the book «Radical Forgiveness», or the Sedona Method.
See also How to forgive a person and why it is so difficult to do
It happens that you are sure you have forgiven, let go of the past, and you are already on the thirty-third stage of your life after that resentment, and it seems that everything…
Step #3. Realize why you «chose» exactly this father
You are the creator of your life. Moreover, even before birth, your soul chose this particular person for the role of father.
Why did you choose him specifically? For what purposes? What lesson are you meant to learn?
Read what you wrote earlier. What you demand and expect from your father, you must give to yourself.
Perhaps this is where the lesson lies. In my relationship with my father, things were not always smooth either.
And throughout my life, I carried resentment toward him for not protecting and supporting me when I needed it, for not showing the care I was waiting for, for not giving the love I was counting on.
But then I realized that it is pointless to demand from a person what they do not have. Well, if they are incapable of showing warm feelings, if they could not give what I wanted, what is the point of demanding now?
What is the sense of carrying this burden of resentment any further? My lesson was to understand that I must love myself and realize my own worth. And he, as my teacher, handled that brilliantly.
Your lesson may be different. The answer lies in your expectations of your father, in your grievances.
When you understand what the wisdom is, relief will come from within, anger and resentment will vanish and transform into gratitude.
See also If your relationship with your parents is like a minefield — why and what to do
Step #4. Nourish your inner child with love
Now it is time to meet that little girl who was waiting for love, support, and protection from dad. She was small and needed this.
And inside you, the memory of that little girl remains. Find her within yourself and, from the position of an adult, surround her with care, love, and everything she needs.
Visit your inner child as often as you need until you feel relief and liberation inside.
Step #5. Analyze how your body shows you that you need to let go of resentment toward your father
If the resentment is strong and long-standing, it may have already taken root in the physical body. If you have chronic illnesses, pay attention to them from a psychosomatic perspective.
In the article «How to truly learn to forgive grievances», there is a selection of illnesses related to resentment.
It is good if you do not have such illnesses. And this is another reason to let go of resentment to prevent these ailments from arising in the future.
If, God forbid, an illness is present, thank your body for showing you in this way what you need to release. And now you have finally understood and heard it.
Forgiveness will help you heal not only on an emotional level, but also on a physical one.
Step #6. Perform a meditation of forgiveness and letting go
Enter a meditative state, transport yourself to a safe and beautiful place, and invite your father there. It doesn’t matter if your father is alive or not, what matters is that you forgive and release him.
Tell him that you have learned the lesson and thank him for everything he has done for you.
Say that you understand how difficult it was for him to behave that way. And that he did it out of love for you, because your soul itself asked him to act this way even before your birth.
Say that you are letting him go, and that he no longer needs to teach you in this way.
Feel gratitude from within and a sense of liberation.
When you finish the meditation, do not expect your father to behave differently now.
We do not fully know the task we came here with. Trust your Higher Self and let everything unfold for the highest good of all.
Use the forgiveness practices from the material Protection through Forgiveness: How to Forgive Yourself and Others.
Step #7. Re-evaluate your relationships with men
Now I suggest you re-evaluate your relationships with men.
Draw a parallel between your relationship with your father and your relationships with men. After all, if you haven’t learned the lesson with your father, men will be forced to “teach” it to you.
As a rule, what bothers you about men will coincide with what you lacked in your relationship with your father.
By forgiving him, you break this cycle, you complete this chain of events that unfolded only so that you could finally see and realize something important for yourself.
If you don’t have a man in your life right now, there is a high probability that you will meet a worthy partner, the one you have dreamed of.
If you are in a relationship and it doesn’t quite satisfy you, it will most likely change. Trust the higher powers, let everything unfold in the best possible way.
Step #8. Rewrite the old behavior pattern with a new one
Now your task is to rewrite your relationship with your father. How you will behave with him in life. How your attitude towards men in general will change.
Think about what kind of relationship you want. Start acting according to your new paradigm.
When you meet your father, you might, out of habit, revert to the old behavior pattern: defense.
Try to catch yourself if this happens, and act differently, in a new way.
If your father is no longer alive, you will notice that memories of him no longer bring you sadness or resentment.
It is not always the case that after such work and forgiveness, love for your father arises. That is not necessary. Your task is to focus on gratitude towards him. That will be enough.
You have received the instructions on how to forgive your father. The choice is always yours — to carry the resentment further or to give yourself a chance at a happy and prosperous present and future.