When does resistance usually appear?
When you make a decision to change something in your life. It seems logical: if something doesn’t suit you, then you need to change something.
You’d think, just take action and do it. But something gets in the way. Inside, this feeling of discomfort arises — resistance.
So what to do?
Read the article, where we’ll break down the main functions of resistance, and you’ll get an algorithm for overcoming resistance.
What is resistance
There’s a common method — to act in spite of resistance, push through it, and go full steam ahead. And it works, but this method isn’t for everyone.
I’m not a psychologist, so I’ll explain everything in simple terms.
Resistance is a person’s inner forces that protect them from painful consequences.
These parts are based on past negative experiences.
That is, at some point, something unpleasant or painful happened as a result of certain actions, creating a connection between the action and the pain.
And now, when you face the need to change unwanted behavior or take a specific action, some part inside you considers it unsafe and resists.
For example, a child got burned. It hurt, so they concluded that you shouldn’t stick your hand in the fire — you’ll get a burn. And now they follow safety precautions.
This is normal. But sometimes this connection between the experience, the conclusion, and subsequent reactions in similar situations stays inside a person in an exaggerated form.
The fear inflates to enormous proportions and doesn’t match the real experience or outcome that could happen to the person.
You need to change, but the person is afraid to act. In the past, they got “slapped on the wrist” for their actions, kept acting a few more times, and the link between actions and pain as a result became cemented.
Such a connection is usually very stable and stays in a person’s subconscious. At the same time, they don’t understand why they can’t make the needed changes; something inside is blocking them.
Is it mandatory to overcome resistance
Yes and no.
Resistance can also signal that you are heading in the wrong direction.
If you have a connection with your soul, your Higher Self, you will understand whether this is the case or not. Perhaps it is your higher aspects that are giving you this clue in the form of resistance.
Before pushing through or using the algorithm I share below, go within yourself, into your heart, and ask your pressing questions. Based on your feelings, you will understand — is this what you need or not.
Love dwells in the heart; there is no fear there. It is a resonator of truth, and you can always use it to determine the right path, decision, or direction.
Enter your heart, feel harmony and love, and ask your question. If you feel inspiration, comfort, joy, a sense of home, then that is where you need to go.
If you feel discomfort, perhaps you should not take this on, or it is not the right time.
Resistance also serves as a sign of growth. When you step up to a new level, you overcome something within yourself. This is stepping out of your comfort zone.
And in this case, it is your egoic part that is resisting, which does not want to lose, which wants to always and in everything be at its best.
If you have determined that you still need to move forward, free up some time for yourself and use this algorithm to overcome the resistance.
I don’t promise it will work immediately or quickly. It all depends on your inner beliefs, blockages, and the topic itself you are going to work with.
You may have to face pain; you must be ready for that. And if what you want to get, understand, or acquire (wisdom, skills) is truly necessary for you, follow the instructions.
Algorithm for Eliminating Resistance
Step 1. Accept the fact that you are resisting
Do not try to fight the resistance. When you focus on the struggle and the resistance itself, it only intensifies.
Thus, the resistance will only grow.
Accept your state, realize that there is a part of you that, for reasons it considers valid, is preventing you from doing what you planned.
Treat this part of you with respect.
Your goal now is to understand what is holding you back and let it go with gratitude.
See also: How You Create Illusions to Justify Inaction
Step 2. Identify what exactly is frightening you
Be prepared for your conscious mind to interfere with identifying the cause.
Behind resistance usually lies fear or pain. And it plays a defensive role here. It protects you from unnecessary worry, even if there is actually no real reason for suffering.
How to identify what is frightening you?
- Simply ask yourself this question, take a pen and paper, and write down the answers. Write everything that comes to mind until the flow of thoughts runs dry.
- Identify the cause of resistance in a meditative state.
Plunge into your heart and, while there, ask what scares you, why you resist taking action, what is holding you back. Give yourself a little time; the answer may come in the form of images or situations from the past.
You may also receive a direct answer. If you didn’t manage to understand or grasp the answer right away, you might receive it during the day or even right after the meditation.
Once you have discovered the reason, your task is to understand — whether the fear that was preventing you from moving forward is justified.
Often, childhood programs get in our way, and behind the resistance hides a little child who was once unable to protect themselves from the outside world, lacking experience and understanding of many things.
Go through the meditation “Beyond Resistance,” which will give you the push to overcome the resistance standing in the way of your progress.
Step 3. Acknowledge and release your emotions
Understanding the reason is not enough; it’s important not to stop there but to complete the process.
Because most likely, after the previous step, old emotions, pain, and traumas will surface. And if you don’t let them out and work through them, they will sink deep inside again.
Acknowledge your emotions, realize that whatever happened to you is already in the past.
If you considered yourself guilty, forgive yourself. Everyone has the right to make a mistake, and at that moment, you could only act the way you did, not otherwise.
If someone hurt you, try to understand what the wisdom of the situation was. What did you learn from that event? Look at everything from the perspective of an observer.
Accept your emotions, whatever they may be, and release them with gratitude.
Also thank yourself for the courage and honesty to understand the reason for the resistance.
If you want to work more deeply with the discovered traumas, to accept the lost, repressed parts of yourself from your own consciousness, we invite you to the seminar “Dance with the Shadow.”
Step 4. Come to an agreement with the part that is against it
As I’ve said, behind the cause of resistance lies that part of you that is resisting.
And it has logical justifications for why what you are about to do shouldn’t be done.
When you’ve seen what this part is and why this connection was formed, from the position of a mature, adequate adult, you understand whether the fear is justified or if the protection is no longer necessary.
For example, a child was open, made contact with people, was the first to introduce themselves. Until they met a person who rejected them or responded rudely.
A child with an open heart could get hurt, become disillusioned with people, and conclude that it’s not worth openly showing their feelings, that people are cruel, and so on.
The trauma and pain go into the subconscious, a mask of arrogance is put on: “don’t come near me,” and corresponding behavior is developed.
Although inside, the need for communication and showing affection towards other people remains.
Throughout life, this mask prevents the person from living and realizing their full potential. But when the opportunity for communication and expressing feelings arises, resistance to these actions appears. This is an internal conflict.
Way out:
When you have realized the cause, accepted and released the emotions, offer a compromise to that part of you that is resisting.
Thank it for protecting you. Convince it that this reaction is no longer necessary. You need to grow, and in case of danger, you can protect yourself in more effective ways.
If the traumatic situation occurred in childhood, go through a practice for healing the inner child.
Find the right words for that version of you in childhood that feels victimized, surround it with love, give it a feeling of safety and protection.
See also Practice for working with fears and anxiety
Draw your monsters
Step 5. Replace the destructive behavior pattern with an effective one
As they say, nature abhors a vacuum.
You have released the emotions, realized that there is no longer any point in using that old protective behavior pattern.
Now, in its place, you need to build a new, effective one, otherwise, by inertia, you will continue to react in the old way.
Imagine how you would like to behave, what you would do, what you would say.
Life will throw situations at you where you will need to apply the new behavior pattern.
Perhaps you won’t be able to act in the new way you intended right away. Your task is to do something differently, to add some element from the new model.
Over time, your behavior will change, and the habit of acting differently will become established.
See also 6 steps to a new thinking paradigm
Find out what needs to be done to make new beliefs take root in your life.
The work of identifying the causes of resistance requires courage and honesty with yourself. But the result is worth it: you get to know yourself, you evolve, which has a positive impact on your life.