Some might find it strange — how can you not allow yourself pleasure?
After all, it’s only natural; everyone strives to live in comfort, to do things that bring pleasure, not the opposite.
If that’s the case for you, feel free to skip this material.
But I want to reach out to those who, for whatever reason, forbid themselves from enjoying life.
I’ll be honest — I belong to the latter group myself. I constantly explore and study myself to make my life as light and joyful as possible.
I’ve tried to understand this issue, arrived at certain conclusions, and want to share them with you.
In this article, we’ll look at the reasons why a person doesn’t live in pleasure and how to allow yourself to have it.
Let’s define what the state of lacking pleasure in life looks like.
How the ban on enjoying life manifests
- Lack of energy to do something for yourself. Yet for loved ones, children, partners, that energy is there — for yourself, it’s not.
- Lack of desires, or they are deeply hidden.
- A tendency toward self-sacrifice.
- When you have time for yourself, you either look for a reason to spend it rationally, productively, or you do nothing at all and then scold yourself for being idle.
- When free time appears, you can’t think of anything interesting to do because there’s no inner approval that you have the right to it.
- A feeling that you don’t belong to yourself, that others are more important. When you start doing something for yourself (drawing, reading a book, knitting), there’s an inner sense that you won’t finish the process, that you owe someone something. In the end, it’s easier for you not to start anything, so you don’t have to leave it unfinished later.
- When you finally decide to dedicate time to yourself — to go somewhere, visit a place — suddenly insurmountable obstacles appear, forcing you to cancel your plans. Or you may face a lack of understanding from loved ones.
Which of these signs did you recognize in yourself?
Why you forbid yourself from enjoying life
So, what are the reasons why you don’t allow yourself to live in pleasure?
Let’s approach this question from an energetic perspective, or more precisely, the chakra system.
The prohibition on pleasure is one of the symptoms of an imbalance in the sacral chakra, which is precisely responsible for pleasure and the presence of desires.
The “demon” of this chakra is guilt.
The prohibition on receiving pleasure is a kind of punishment for something. You feel guilty about something and forbid yourself from enjoying life.
The cause of this state may stem from childhood; in this case, look for roots in your upbringing and the environment where you grew up. It is in childhood that core beliefs are laid down and your worldview is formed.
Situations can vary: a large family where you are the oldest child. You wanted to go out and play, but you were forced to help your parents with the younger children. Perhaps you were shamed for your desires.
A common belief was that every activity should be useful, and idleness is evil.
It’s quite possible that you feel guilty about some specific event, and not even from childhood.
Rewind events back to the time when you started forbidding yourself from living in pleasure, from doing what you want. Find these beliefs and write them down.
See also: How to Make Life a Celebration
Identifying the causes is important, but even more important is to finally allow yourself pleasure in life.
I’ll share what steps can help with this below.
7 Steps to Getting Pleasure from Life
1. Realize that you are not allowing yourself to receive pleasure and make a decision to change this
First, realize that you are not allowing yourself to live the way your soul wants. No time, no money for something — this is untrue and just excuses.
Stay alone with yourself, ask yourself a question and answer it honestly: what is stopping you, what is getting in the way, and why are you forbidding yourself from receiving pleasure?
Write down the entire stream of thoughts that come to you. I’m sure there will be a ton of limitations and fears.
Regardless of what you write, be sure to make a decision that you will change this situation.
The decision is the main thing here. The rest is a matter of technique.
2. Work with the sacral chakra
An excellent option, when you don’t need to search for causes, is to start working with your energy.
Perform chakra gymnastics with a focus on the sacral chakra.
Here is a list of courses where energy exercises are found:
- Free introductory course “Mini Course on Chakras,”
- Online course “7 Keys of Awareness 2.0.”
Since the sacral chakra is connected to the expression of feelings and emotions, you need to work with it carefully, in measured doses.
A stream of uncontrollable emotions may pour out. Just in case, have techniques for managing emotions on hand, and give them regular release: sports, running, any active physical actions.
The next two steps are exercises from J. Cameron’s book “The Artist’s Way,” which have proven their effectiveness time and again.
3. Do the exercise “What is Luxury for You”
Write a list of things, actions, and activities that you consider a luxury for yourself.
This isn’t about finances, but about those things that are physically available to you, but for some reason you don’t allow yourself to have them.
For example, for me it was taking a bath. I always chose a shower over a bath — it doesn’t take much time. Even though a bath gives relaxation, rest, and calm.
When you write this list, you’ll be surprised at how many basic but necessary things you deny yourself.
Commit to implementing one item from the list each week.
What it means to love yourself. A test-article that will help you determine how much you love yourself.
4. Take your inner artist out for a walk
The inner artist lives in everyone. It’s your inner child, who craves novelty, new impressions.
Every week, set aside at least one hour for a walk alone with yourself. Write a list of places where you would take your inner artist (child).
These places should be connected with receiving positive impressions, ideally engaging all or almost all of your senses.
For example, an art exhibition, a concert, a trip to the park, or out in nature.
I once went to sit by the sea alone, enjoying the sun’s reflection on the water, the sound of the waves, and I went with my camera to places with beautiful architecture.
This practice is magical! You rest your soul and feel replenished. The state before and after — it’s like night and day. Try it yourself, and then tell me about it.
5. Introduce small pleasures into your daily life
Start small. Introduce 1-3 small pleasures into your life every day. You don’t need money for this; your imagination will come in handy.
Start your day with them.
Write a list of pleasures in advance — the longer, the better. For someone who has put pleasure under a ban, it’s hard to come up with ideas, so look it up online; there are many such lists.
Pleasure, living it up, laziness in a good sense, doing silly things — it’s all about the inner child. Set it free, let it be happy.
6. Heal your inner child
If there is a ban on pleasure, it means your inner child is locked away and suffering.
Heal it. You will most likely need to do this more than once. But don’t give up.
With each healing practice, you free another piece of yourself and become more whole.
You can choose any practice for healing the inner child that resonates with you. Or use this one: 3 opportunities for healing.
7. Forgive your parents
If you found the reason for the ban on enjoying life in your childhood, forgive your parents.
They are not to blame for the fact that you now forbid yourself pleasure, even if they instilled something like that in you. They are who they are and raised you the best they could.
To understand on a spiritual level why and how this happens, why our parents are our teachers, and why the cause of trauma is often linked to them, I recommend reading the book “Spiritual Psychology” by Steve Rother.
Everything will fall into place after reading it.