Hello, friends!
Spring is late this year, but the spring holidays are right here!.. March 8th is coming soon, and I am happy to congratulate dear mothers, grandmothers, daughters, sisters, girlfriends, loved ones and beloveds on this day!.. Bloom, my dears!.. Give yourselves and others a good mood, charm, kindness and beauty!.. May all your plans come to life, and your dreams come true!..
Today I want to talk with you about something precious – about our ability to give each other tenderness and warmth.
For many years I have been working with people, and, with rare exceptions, I have not met anyone who does not cherish “anyone.” However, for the most part, people know so little how to express their warm feelings, and so often make complaints to the dearest people (including themselves!), that it becomes inexpressibly sad. Why does this happen?..
The lexical meaning of the word Tender, its direct and figurative meanings and interpretations of the word (Ozhegov)
1) Tender — Affectionate, filled with love
2) Tender — Pleasant, subtle, not rough
3) Tender — Weak, fragile
I think it’s all about the last definition: tenderness is connected with fragility, and being fragile is dangerous – you can easily be broken!.. It is very hurtful to receive, in response to a gentle touch, a warm glance, or a deep sincere word, a formal reply in the spirit of “it doesn’t matter,” or: “not now.”
So we don’t warm each other as much as we could!.. Plus – endless tasks and obligations: well, tell me, how can you show your tender feelings to a person who has once again “forgotten” about their “obligations”?..
Thus, a vicious circle is created: we do not feel (and certainly do not express!) sympathy for each other, because we are dissatisfied with some everyday actions of our loved ones, and without a heartfelt connection, we don’t even want to do anything good!..
But in reality, the most precious thing in this life is heartfelt warmth!.. No successes or riches can replace this. So, maybe we should learn to cherish the precious sparks of our sincere feelings, and not tie them to conditions: did “good” – I’ll pet you, didn’t do it – I’ll frown?..
Maybe it’s worth, at every moment when your gaze warms up from seeing a person dear to you, to “forget” about all the tasks and give yourself time to feel this?..
Maybe it’s worth looking into your heart more often and feeling gratitude to life for having this particular child or adult in it?..
The rest, surprisingly, works out on its own: loved ones feel our mood, become softer, more attentive, and … understand us better.
I even came up with such an exercise for parents of teenagers (who, as a rule, are hard to feel sympathy for against the backdrop of their “stormy” behavior): In the morning, while the child is still sleeping, you need to sit next to them for 5-7 minutes and carefully look at the sleeping one. In sleep, we are defenseless and open; it is easy to feel warmth in your heart for a sleeping person (unlike during a moment of bickering!) But this heartfelt reminder of your true feelings will then help, throughout the day, to much more calmly “let pass” the immature actions or harsh words of the one who is, in essence, very dear to you!..
Most of our “mismatches” with loved ones are a result of differences, not ill intent. We all have different temperaments, different life experiences, and ultimately—different genders!.. Simply understanding this fact greatly eases life and helps us more often enjoy our loved ones, rather than trying to raise and remake them!..
Svetlana Dobrovolskaya