Throughout the spiritual path, we go through different levels: to have, to do, and to be.
At each of these levels, there is something to let go of in order to move forward. Each level is a prism through which you evaluate yourself.
In order to move to the level of active being, it is important to let go of what you are clinging to at the two previous levels.
Read more about this in the article.
Evaluating yourself through possession
The main focus of possession is related to values. For many people, the main value is still possession.
I evaluate myself through what I possess, what I am like, how successful I am, how many apartments and cars I have, what handbags and brand-name clothes I have, and so on. And this is a very vulnerable position.
What is the catch in evaluating yourself through the prism of what you possess?
You become dependent on the things you possess. Everything can disappear in an instant. Over the past two years, there have been many stories: someone was forced to leave, someone’s house was destroyed, someone had a flood.
In fact, you tie your security and worth to something that can fall apart at any moment.
This possession manifests itself even more intensely in relationships. The desire to possess another person destroys relationships, giving rise to jealousy, insecurity, and, most importantly, you chain yourself to that person.
Hence the story that when he leaves or dies, your entire world collapses.
It would be wise to analyze all areas of your life for possession. Because it sometimes resurfaces. You might think you’ve worked through a topic, but it pops up somewhere else.
Let’s say, with material possessions it doesn’t matter whether you have them or not — if you have them, it’s good; if you don’t, you won’t worry. But, for example, a grip on a person is very strong, what is called codependency in a deep stage. The person disappears, and everything collapses for you. This is a very vulnerable position.
Materialism is also like that — as long as you can maintain your status level, as long as money keeps coming in, everything is fine, but only until the first economic or financial disaster.
See also: The skill of letting go. Why it’s important to know how to turn the page
Evaluating yourself through the prism of actions
We move to the level of doing.
Here, it seems, everything is clear: do more, do better, and you will have everything you want.
But here we also run into an interesting point — it’s not always possible to do more due to time constraints. That is, you evaluate yourself through the prism of actions.
There is also a trap here. Have you met people who do something for someone not because they want to, but because what they hear in response matters to them?
Many people devote their lives to helping relatives, rescuing them from various situations. This is not a voluntary beginning; inside there is a “must,” “I do it because I have to,” “I do it because someone said so,” “I do it so they won’t judge me or to please them.”
I do — I am loved.
The level of active being, giving, and service. The state of transparency
Then, when you become more conscious, mature, and wise, you begin to understand that possessing and doing are two different stages in life.
Possession is for yourself; doing — you also do for yourself, receiving some benefits.
When we begin to grow and develop, we transition to a level where we understand that it is important not only to serve ourselves, but also to start giving and sharing.
Moreover, it is not necessary to be a coach or lead any groups; you start helping other people. And everyone has their own version of how this can be done.
And here this way of being, or more precisely, active being, kicks in.
You reach a state where you are so focused, so filled, so abundant, generously sharing without all those hang-ups and expectations of when the return will come.
You enter a state of semi-transparency, where you can simply be and enjoy. Compared to previous levels, this is heaven and earth.
It is impossible to enter the state of being without letting go, acceptance, and service.
Our spiritual audience believes that being is when you sit and do nothing. This is another trap of the mind.
You sit in zen, doing nothing, and everything happens by itself. But it does not work that way. And you constantly feel irritation and dissatisfaction because it is not automatic: you had to write a post, you had to go somewhere, you had to do something…
The state of being is such an expanded, airy state, where you have let go of everything, accepted everything. You simply direct the flow of life force, which you allow through yourself, to where the focus of your heart has directed its attention, and it multiplies there.
But there is no “for oneself,” that selfish motive. And there is a mismatch: we want it to be that way, but it does not align.
See also The ability to let go is an important skill of the current time
Letting go at the level of possession and doing
At every level, there is something to let go of.
At the level of possession, we release attachments and hooks to material things, to relationships with specific people.
At the level of doing, we release attachment to the result, our expectations, our “must,” “obliged” — this is for those who are responsible.
For someone whose everything is tied up in doing, there are moments when you need to not do. This is a great value for me; if I do nothing, then I am nobody. And our parents are almost all from this category, all their sayings about how you will rest after death, we will rest in the afterlife, didn’t do it — didn’t eat, and so on.
We have many proverbs; on one hand, they are useful for an irresponsible person; at some point, you start to absorb them, you start to do. But there are people who simply cannot sit still; they are always busy with something.
Or you know how it is: switching to another activity is rest. That’s a good excuse for a workaholic.
Everyone has their own such nuances.
Your value at the level of being
So what is the value at the level of being?
We build value on the fact that it no longer matters what you possess, it doesn’t matter how much you do, what matters is who you are, how you feel today, and at the same time you do not reject everything that was below. You simply use it, but without the thirst for possession.
If it is important to me who I am, what I am like, what I represent, where I am going, what I want, all external things, then, at the next level, what is the vulnerability?
If I lose the ability or my field of activity changes, you are fired from your job, you switch entirely to yourself, what you are like, what you represent, who you are, and value is built on this. And this value can be taken away; that is the vulnerability.
If your value is tied to the opinions of others, what they think, how they act toward you, you are vulnerable. But if you are tied only to yourself, and your value is built on who you are, then if you don’t like who you are today, you can work to become better.
If you didn’t like your actions, you can change your actions. But this action, just like possession, is no longer equal to you. You are you.
“I Am” — a good phrase was spoken and passed down in its time. I Am. Period.
From everything that was somewhere out there, I return the focus entirely to myself. And I get a tool of control, because I can certainly change myself if I didn’t like something in my words, emotions, actions, or elsewhere.
Letting go at the level of realizing your value
What do we let go of at the level of realizing our value?
Letting go of self-rejection, letting go of not allowing yourself to do something.
Coaches who collect certificates — this is also about value. The more courses you’ve taken, the more credentials you can show, the higher your value in society.
Letting go of your perception of yourself and other people — this is very important. We often talk about allowing others to open up. Because there is a preset in the mind: if a person has constantly let you down or been late, it is already written by default that they are that way.
Start each day creating from a blank slate, and when meeting a person, remove all the interaction experience you have had with them.
I recommend writing down, for the main levels of life (home, family, relationships, health, money), what you need to let go of.
Collect such moments, and on the topic of the material world — for some it’s about people, for others to pay attention to the level of doing: if I don’t do, I am nobody, and next — who I am, the perception of myself, of other people.
Observe yourself, notice what you are holding on to, make your own list, and then perform some kind of releasing ritual.
Go through the Meditation Through the Eye of the Needle to leave behind everything that needs to be released and emerge on the other side in the state of I Am.