We can never be sure that we are loved by proving our self-worth and trying to hide our “flaws.” Instead, we can uncover our deep nature and see how beautiful it is. And only this can free us from everything “bad” that we have found in ourselves.
The journey from self-hatred to love is learning how to see, accept, and open up to the being that you are. And it begins with opening up to any experience. Allowing yourself to experience EVERYTHING.
True self-acceptance is impossible if you are still avoiding, judging, manipulating, or trying to control WHAT you experience.
As long as we judge our past experiences, we do not allow ourselves to be who we fully are. This is how we fall into contradiction with ourselves and generate endless internal conflicts.
Why we are afraid to experience our feelings
Freedom from shame and guilt is only possible if you make friends with the experience you have.
Allowing yourself to experience any experience is a challenge. No one ever taught us how to relate directly to feelings. Instead, culture teaches us to avoid them.
Feeling anxiety and depression? Take a pill, go to the gym, or turn on Youtube. The solution to bad feelings is to escape them.
Often, when someone begins to open up to experience, they feel overwhelmed: “This sadness has been with me my whole life. Why should I dive into it? How can that help?”
This is resistance to feelings. The illusion of the mind: “If I surrender to sadness, it will only get worse. It will drag me into a dark abyss from which there is no escape.”
This conviction arose long ago. It is how the helpless child within us feels, who never learned to accept experience. For that child, it was absolutely true; they truly could not cope. The volume of emotions (energies) experienced was greater than the child’s psyche and growing physical body could contain.
The only salvation was to shut down the nervous system in the face of pain.
We continue to follow the algorithm of learned helplessness, even though we now have all the resources to act differently.
Yes, this childhood pain stays with us for life. We feel at the mercy of this burden. Since the pain was too intense for the child, and we closed ourselves off from it, it is quite logical that in adulthood we see no benefit in opening up to feelings.
We are absolutely right — immersing and indulging in feelings is meaningless unconscious suffering.
See also Emotional Immaturity. How to Move from Emotions to Feelings
What it means to open up to experience
Opening up to experience is not about suffering. Opening up to experience means meeting, engaging with, and opening up to what you feel. Consciously being able to touch ANY feeling, acknowledging that “Yes, this is what I feel here and now” — frees you from its grip.
And it doesn’t matter what it is: fear, anger, rage, anxiety, or sadness. If we do not open up to certain feelings, we automatically close ourselves off from all of them, lowering the intensity of experiencing joy and love.
When we honestly open up to fear or pain, focusing on the sensations, after a while we begin to notice that this feeling too is beautiful in its own way: openness turns out to be stronger than the feeling you opened up to. Openness to fear is stronger than fear. Openness connects you to inner strength. This is conscious suffering.
If you allow everything to happen — any experience will untie knots and unfold, leading to deeper experiences and knowledge of your own nature. No matter how painful and frightening feelings may seem — the willingness to interact with them increases inner strength and shifts you toward more favorable life scenarios.
This is the cornerstone of my life and my work. Just as the depth and silence of the ocean are hidden beneath its turbulent waves, so the primordial power of human essence is concealed behind a veil of stormy emotions. Fighting these feelings is like thrashing about on a rough surface, which blocks access to Power, to the Source, to inexhaustible resources of energy and possibilities.
Go surfing on these waves. In moments of allowance and permission, you are truly there for yourself. And say YES to yourself, just as you are. This is a profound act of self-love.
See also Negative emotions: anger, rage, outbursts of aggression. What causes them and how to deal with them
How to allow yourself any experience
How do you allow yourself ANY experience? If it is an experience of abusive relationships, violence, losing a business, ruin, rapid enrichment, an unusual sexual connection?
How do you befriend your feelings?
Step 1 — Acknowledgment
If you are experiencing bewilderment and mental chaos, simply begin to acknowledge this confusion, without judging it as something good or bad.
Tune into the place of non-love within you. Where is it located in the body? Simply acknowledge these sensations. When we acknowledge what is, the struggle automatically stops and we relax.
Step 2 — Allowance
Give space to these feelings. Allowing is not about wallowing or getting carried away. Allowing is feeling emotions in the body without tension or resistance.
Step 3 — Opening
When you have connected with the feelings and allowed them to be, you can go further.
Find the defensive walls and protections within. Look a little deeper — what else do you not want to acknowledge? What are you trying to hide from yourself? This is how you open your heart and can begin to feel compassion for yourself, as if you were your own child or close friend.
Step 4 — Centering
For advanced practitioners.
Now you can enter the very center of the feeling, fully and consciously identify with it, and sense the nature of its flowing energies. The advanced phase is unconditional presence in the now. If an old trauma of love deficiency from childhood reminds you of itself, then experiencing it with unconditional presence is a simple and direct way to heal it.
Being alone with yourself, in total presence, openness, and experiencing — this is love. It opens the door to resources.
A simple principle works here: when you show up for your experience, your Being shows up for you. When your Being (higher aspects of your consciousness) reveals itself, you gain access to all resources: strength, acceptance, peace, love, abundance. This is the discovery of the Source within yourself.
You become free from any self-judgment and see that you are simply beautiful by nature.
We invite you to a free introductory course “Unconditional Love by Chakras” — 7 meditations on unconditional self-love and healing.
Original virtue is like the refreshing taste of pure water. Life becomes valuable with any difficulties. By allowing ourselves to have experience, we open up self-acceptance and true love.