We continue to explore the topic of partnership between a man and a woman. In the first article, we examined the factors that define partnership.
In this article, we will discuss why a fulfilled woman needs a man, what the relationships of self-sufficient people are built on, and how to manage a family budget.
About terms. How different people perceive them. Misaligned aims
We know how not to act, what we do not want, but when it comes to building relationships where both of you are developing, where both partners are self-sufficient, many questions arise.
In various sciences, there are terms that carry a certain meaning. And this meaning needs to be paid attention to.
Double-check words and their meanings in official sources. Because we often use them without knowing their actual meaning.
We project our own worldview, traumas, beliefs, and experiences onto them, while the true meaning of a particular term is different. As a result, different people understand different things under the same word and talk about different matters. This is how misunderstandings, disagreements, and conflicts are born.
We live in a society with misaligned aims.
Example. During the first broadcast about partnership, we talked about wholeness and self-sufficiency. And then a comment appears: “But if a husband visits a mistress, is he self-sufficient and whole?”
Wholeness is a spiritual term.
A note to newcomers: if you hear a term on our broadcasts that is unclear to you, write it down and check its meaning on Google. Otherwise, confusion arises. You insert a different meaning into it.
In response to that comment, I wrote that this is not a whole man, but on the contrary, a person with a hole in his heart. He will always find his wife insufficient. This is a person who seeks attention and love from outside. How can he be whole?
And living with such a person, under such conditions, is impossible.
Second example: how to distinguish self-sufficiency from indifference? It’s the same story about misaligned targets.
What is indifference from society’s point of view? If I set a boundary with children or parents — I am indifferent to them. If you always sacrificed yourself for others and suddenly stopped, you are indifferent.
This is not indifference — it means starting to love yourself, putting yourself first, finally understanding that I am the most valuable being in my life.
And if I am capable and have resources, then all the people around me will definitely receive more than when I am exhausted, depressed, and have no strength to move.
Constantly recheck concepts, look up their meanings on the internet and compare them with your beliefs, see how much what is written matches your feelings, and form your own worldview.
The series of books by Barbara Marciniak and Neale Donald Walsch — this is what makes you think, shifts the assembly point. After this, you arrange the knowledge, thoughts, and beliefs that sit in your head differently.
See also: How to stop sacrificing yourself but not be an egoist
Relationships of self-sufficient people. Why does a successful woman need a man
If you have been on the Keys for a long time, developing, healing traumas, the path of trauma-to-trauma relationships is not for you. Either you have already outgrown it, or you are ready to outgrow and move past it, or you are at the decision stage — to move past it.
And therefore the very first question for you is: why do you need this man?
If we take it at the level of chakras, love and relationships are the heart chakra. But love is often substituted by other centers.
So it turns out that a man is needed for society, for status, so that relatives get off your back (finally got married), to have a child not alone, to have money, to take care of me.
This is the consciousness of the lower centers. There is nothing wrong with them, but in a society of misaligned aims, all of this operates on a low level.
This all comes from the past, when a woman needed protection, when she could only survive with a man. A lot has changed now, why carry this image within you.
Therefore, imagine — I do not need a man for society, for status, for money, all my needs are met. Here I am, and what position, what role should a man occupy in all of this?
Answer the question for yourself, why do you need a man and what kind of relationship do you want. At the same time, all the answers are always within.
See also How to meet your twin flame
Growth in relationships
Some people grow spiritually and leave a relationship, and there is a category of women who grow within the same relationship, refining everything possible within themselves.
And here the question is, are you refining this from trauma to trauma, or have you healed them and can now do this in joy? The difference is only in this.
Everyone has these traumas left. And we cling to each other with them. I am for the moment when we stop rubbing these sharp edges against each other, like stones.
In the relationships of self-sufficient people, in a partnership there should be something that unites you, and something external, not just family, there should be a multifaceted union, but at the same time there should also be differences.
If we are talking about whole, self-sufficient people, there will be quite a lot of differences.
Family budget of two accomplished people
If we are talking about the fact that a man is not needed for money. If I am a successful woman and next to me is also a successful man, based on this, how will we divide the money?
There are no answers here. And this is a matter of agreements. There is nothing tricky about it. Just as there were 3 types of family budget, they remain.
Much depends on how your parents managed money in your family, and what you do with money now.
Some people have a 100% match with the parental model, or 100% the opposite, contrary to their model.
If in your family your father earned and brought in money, while your mother managed it, and neither your father nor you had a say, then at the threshold of your own relationship, you will also act based on this model.
But your husband, for example, might have had a different model in his family: where the father managed the money, and the mother kept quiet. And here there will be a clash of two ideologies.
The second option is when you are not satisfied with the model of handling money in your family. And you decide that you will not do it that way. I call this a vow — "I will never do it that way."
There are other options when you consciously come to a common decision on how to manage money.
See also Family, money, relationships. What rules to follow when building relationships with loved ones regarding money
Types of family budget
There are three types of family budget management:
- When you put all the money into a common pot and distribute it.
- Shared budget management: when you distribute who spends money on what and how much they keep for themselves.
- Separate family budget.
In relationships, trauma to trauma, the topic of money will always be a subject of manipulation. In a partnership, you choose what is convenient for you.
When money is tight, it’s better to choose a joint or shared budget management.
If you and your husband have sufficiently high incomes, enough to cover basic needs, entertainment, and savings, you can also choose separate budget management.
When one person is responsible for something, for certain expenses (utilities, child’s education), if you plan to buy something large, you discuss it together, and each contributes their share, as you agree: either 50/50, or in whatever way is convenient and comfortable for both of you.
See also: Money Energy. How to learn to manage it
Get recommendations for expanding your cash flow.
If the husband earns more, how to manage the family budget
You will not find an exact answer anywhere on how it should be done. No matter what type of relationship you are in, everything needs to be negotiated, and moreover, BEFORE marriage. So that there are no claims against each other after the fact.
Negotiating is a great art that needs to be learned.
Watch the recording of the broadcast where these and other issues were discussed #43 About Partnership, part 1
In conclusion, it can be said that there are no ready-made recipes for how to build relationships in a partnership. The main principles of relationships between self-sufficient people are love, respect, and the ability to negotiate.
It is impossible to answer the question of why a fulfilled woman needs a man, as the correct answer will be different for everyone, and each has their own reason for being in a relationship.