Why keep returning to the past, is there really some resource for us there? How to let go of the past?
A question relevant for those who, whenever they delve into the past, experience negative emotions, feelings of guilt, and unforgiveness.
- Is it worth reopening the wounds of the past again and again?
- And if so, why? What resource is hidden in your past?
- How to determine that the past is over and it no longer dominates what is happening in your present?
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And a text version for those who prefer to read rather than listen…
Why keep returning to the past
Why keep returning to the past, is there really some resource for us there?
From the perspective of what is happening now: The past belongs in the past.
Our task is to be entirely and completely in the present. And in the moments of the present, regulate the mechanisms that occur in the future. And the past, it is actually in the past.
But in order to reach this state, the past must be worked through cleanly.
What does “worked through cleanly” mean
In this case, “cleanly” means that there should be no hidden negative emotions in the past. Because any event that has happened in our lives, absolutely any event, has gifts that it brings us.
And if we have not dealt with these gifts, if we have not seen in the most negative, in the worst situations what we can take now, then we do not see what we have learned, and at a higher level, we do not see this mechanism, this structure, when the first step led to the second step, the second step led to the third, resulting in this.
That is, we do not see a certain sequence of actions — a scenario that triggers again and again and plays out in life.
And if we have not seen it in several situations, have not analyzed it with several examples, then it is difficult to ensure that it does not repeat in the future.
See also: 7 reasons to leave the past behind
Yes, it may have occurred in your life more than once, but that does not mean you are doomed to such a course of events for the rest of your life.
But as soon as you isolate this mechanism for yourself — and with awareness and thoughtful analysis this happens — you see that the tendency repeats.
The players change, the circumstances change slightly, but the actions are roughly the same, and most importantly — the reaction to them is the same.
When you have seen all this, analyzed all this, then the past goes into the past, it no longer hooks you.
Then what I call “working cleanly” appears.
How this manifests
- In fact, you remember that you had these events, even light emotions may remain, but there is no activation of triggers and red buttons, even if you find yourself in exactly the same situation.
- Then you no longer have an automatic reaction driven by survival instinct; you have quite conscious moments when you consider whether it is worth going there.
- You have time to make a conscious decision. At the same time, you remain in the present because the decision is conscious. This is why the past is worked through.
If in some area — for example, relationships, business, or childhood memories — you have already worked through a part of it, and it no longer triggers you,
you have brought up some trauma and dealt with it, then it becomes easier for you to observe from the outside as a witness, even if the situation repeats in life again.
For this to happen, you need to examine the past.
If some strong negative emotions arise, and you suddenly sink into them for no apparent reason, you don’t need to scold yourself for it. But it is a clear sign that this needs to be addressed.
See also: How to accept and cope with loss and its spiritual function
Why this is important
Because life will always throw you a situation to remove the things that block you. It is a pit on the path that prevents you from moving forward.
And no matter how good things seem now: “Yes, I closed my eyes, I forgot that it happened, I pretend nothing is going on,” later in life a similar situation surfaces, and then everything that was hidden there, everything that was not worked through, the unforgiveness and self-hatred that were concealed, will eventually come to the surface.
You know that each of you has two opposites present, in this case love and hate.
If I don’t love myself at that moment, don’t accept myself, blame myself for everything, scold myself, or accuse someone else, then in any case hatred and non-acceptance of myself will be hidden inside, and such moments will manifest intensely.
And each time there will be a fall, a very deep fall.
So when people close their eyes and pretend everything is fine, at some stage that is wonderful.
When you are not yet strong, when you are trying to cope with yourself and just barely, barely manage to preserve at least some particle of balance, of harmony.
But in order to firmly establish yourself at this level, the past must still be cleared out. There should be no such deposits in the basements.
Therefore, for those who experience negative emotions, or when, for example, you immerse yourself in financial matters and need to improve family relationships as they were, and you fall into that, do not look at the emotions, look at what is hidden there.
Learn to see these hidden motives.
What exactly is there that keeps knocking you down time and again?
A question for you: Who has seen this in their life, especially in relationships with men, with the opposite sex, or with women?
That when you communicate with a person, everything seems normal, everything is wonderful, until a string from the past is touched?
Every person has some painful point that can be accidentally touched…
Now I am talking about relationships between a man and a woman, for example, a man has some unresolved issue from the past. Someone said something, accidentally did something, it doesn’t matter how this situation surfaced, and you feel its influence.
And it becomes very easy to see that as long as a person does not deal with this problem, as long as they do not untie this knot from the past, the conflict will arise time and again.
That is, everything seems fine, everything is good, until something somehow touches it.
Of course, you cannot resolve it for another person.
But you can resolve all such issues on your own. Because each time you untangle a knot, it becomes easier for you to model your reactions and further reality.
And then such reactions won’t disappear, they simply will no longer have the same impact.
See also: How to acknowledge your feminine worth
It is within your power to break these negative bonds of guilt and resentment that stretch into your past and likely hinder both you and the person who wronged you. Go through the meditation for detaching from negative bonds ->
In recent days, such things have been happening directly with my husband, when he behaves the way he did in the past.
Some triggers get activated in him, and I just stand there, laughing hysterically, and say: “It’s unclear who’s standing here in blue pants and a green T-shirt, waving their arms.” Because you can really see what has hooked him.
This state evokes not a reaction, not irritation, but wild laughter. Because suddenly a character like that appears nearby.
The first time, we laughed together for a very long time. Because what surfaces is actually an ironic-paradoxical sense of unreality—that all of this has no place in the present.
So, girls and boys, if you feel drawn to the past and you see it, don’t dive headfirst into it.
But try, if you see pain and unforgiveness emerging, to first live through it, allow yourself to feel everything.
Step over this pain, and then ask the question: