What do you think, why do people enter into civil marriages?
The concept is ambiguous, with many different interpretations. In common parlance, it refers to a couple living together without officially formalizing their relationship.
Right now, the entire institution of marriage and relationships is undergoing major changes, and many people, including some of you, have come with the task of developing a new type of relationship, a new type of marriage.
Because what came before – the family as a unit of society – has become so rigid, so out of step with new realities, that some people, before incarnation, at the soul level, choose to come and find some new version of relationships.
If you interact with young people, you’ve probably noticed this trend: young people are in no hurry to get married; they prefer to test relationships for strength, to see how suitable they are, how stable they are.
In this article, we’ll look at what relationships in a civil marriage are built on, and what their advantages and disadvantages are from the perspective of spiritual and personal growth and development.
Relationships in a Couple: The Example of More Advanced Civilizations
Long ago, in other civilizations, such as Lemuria and Atlantis, there were always several types of relationships. Young people had quite a lot of freedom; they could have sex with whomever they wanted, and later, when they found a partner they wanted to stay with for life, or at least spend some time with, then they would get married.
Moreover, the marriage wasn’t long-term; it was a marriage for a certain period of time.
And only when both partners understood that this was for life, that they were comfortable with this person, would they then enter into long-term marriages and gain the right to have a child.
All relationships that came before this did not imply children. Therefore, children appeared consciously, when people had already gained experience, wisdom, and knowledge, and had something to pass on.
This system is well described in the book “Telos” by Aurelia Jones.
The main point is that children appear only consciously, when both partners are ready for it; they consciously summoned the soul. This can be done now too, but you have to grow into it first.
See also Relationships with Children. What is the responsibility towards a child from a spiritual perspective?
Testing the Strength of a Relationship
We arrive at this consensus: a civil marriage is a kind of trial period for a relationship, an opportunity to test yourself and your partner – to see how well you can live together day-to-day, how your relationship will change, and whether it’s even worth doing at all.
Who has passed this test, for whom is it important – the domestic arrangement, how well two people can be together in everyday life?
And what if we add energy to this, especially if it’s happening at a more mature age? When you are developing, it’s important not to interfere with each other in the same energetic space, so that it’s comfortable to be there.
Domestic “Adjustment”
This is one of the test points in a civil marriage relationship, because most of the problems people face are related to everyday life.
It’s great when you’re dating, when there’s romance, when they give you flowers, when you go to cafes. But when two different cultures come together, two different systems of upbringing – because people are often raised in different systems, we don’t have a single institution of upbringing.
Being a mom to a boy is a much greater responsibility than being a mom to a girl. Because a girl, for the sake of love, for the sake of a man, can learn absolutely everything. But a mom leaves a big imprint on a boy.
If a mom didn’t teach him, for example, to take care of himself, always served her son, raised him to be a consumer, then in marriage it takes much more effort for the person to mature, settle down, and rebuild themselves.
You probably know that men mature much later than women, so sometimes even at 40 you can meet someone whose mom is still running over to feed him, help him, and take care of him.
And then he looks for something like a housekeeper, a second mommy, who solves his problems, helps, serves him, and so on.
See also Close Relationships in Marriage as a Path of Transformation
Difference in Mentalities and Habits
When you move to another country and decide to live with a local – that’s also a relevant issue, the difference in mentalities. It’s like a testing ground for trials: from an energetic perspective, but that’s already a more advanced level, a test of mentality and everyday living conditions.
I myself remember that horror when I had a young man who had strict dietary restrictions, and every time he visited – it was enough to make you want to pull your hair out: I don’t eat this, I don’t eat that at this time!
Just adjusting to someone else’s rhythm and starting to follow it, especially if it’s completely foreign to you – is very difficult. And when all that was over – I breathed a sigh of relief and after that, for a long time, I paid close attention to how a person eats. It became an important criterion for me – whether a person is an omnivore or not.
Unspoken Issues and Uncertainty in a Partner
Civil marriage is used precisely as a step, as a trial period. But, along with this, it often happens that you’ve started living together, it’s supposedly a trial period, even if you’ve agreed on it or think that we’ll see, we’ll test the relationship’s strength, and then make a decision.
But in the end, it turns out, excuse the expression, “the cat’s got his tongue,” the man himself doesn’t bring up the topic, and sometimes it happens that the woman also doesn’t bring it up or, on the contrary, doesn’t want to move to the next stage, to enter into an official relationship.
This topic gets brushed aside in various ways, there’s no strength or courage to start the conversation, or after one unsuccessful “attempt” (and this happens at 50, 60, and even 70) – this inner feeling of uncertainty and doubt arises.
Marriage itself doesn’t guarantee that a man will stay in the family, that the wife won’t meet someone else, but official relationships are more protected from this in the sense that fidelity and responsibility within the family are assumed.
But here you have no protection at all. If there was no agreement, no pre-discussed points, then a lot of questions and doubts arise later.
How clearly are these conditions communicated?
Often women, and some men too (depending on who plays the leading role), assume that they have entered a relationship, lived together for a while, and that this will smoothly lead to marriage.
If this doesn’t happen, if a proposal isn’t made, if thoughts aren’t voiced, you start to feel insecure, especially if your self-esteem is low. If there were any traumas in previous relationships, a feeling of complete discomfort arises.
Sometimes an honest conversation replaces years of doubt and insecurity, because it can be as simple as this: someone has some property, and they want to leave it all to their children and don’t want their wife to make a claim on it.
In the end, both suffer, because one believes they will deprive their children of all the material wealth they have, while the woman feels that she is getting older and older, and there is no stability.
See also [Interactive Article] Man and Woman in a Relationship
How to Achieve Mutual Understanding
Talk, and about burning issues. That’s why it’s scary to start a conversation, especially if you’ve already fantasized about everything and know what you want, and you’re afraid to hear a different answer.
We’re talking about simply voicing what’s eating at you. Women always want the man to figure it out on his own. For the most part, it happens that a man rarely figures it out.
So, when you wait for someone to guess, to say something, and for them to do it themselves – you are putting yourself in a vulnerable position. Because after that, as soon as the thought appears, you start replaying it in your head over and over, you focus on it.
Then a grievance starts to appear, along with it — resentment, a feeling of self-pity, that I am so great, so good, especially if I am working on myself, but the result I want is not there for one simple reason: I never voiced it, never explained it in a language accessible to the other gender.
By the way, the same thing happens with men; they think a little differently, in different categories, but they also rarely explain in detail what they meant.
Therefore, if you want good relationships with men, explain what is going on inside you, and do it seriously, thoughtfully, without excessive emotion, using logic and arguments.
Explain what is happening inside, especially if you are feeling bad.
Conduct an introspection within yourself, ask yourself the question: what do I want? What specifically creates the ground for insecurity and doubt?
Perhaps this issue can be resolved simply by talking openly and making some joint decisions. It’s not necessary to get married for this, because doubts don’t change or disappear on their own just because of that.
The Illusion of Freedom in a Common-Law Marriage
A common-law marriage is an illusion of freedom, because the thought is present that I can turn around at any moment, pack my things, and leave.
An official marriage is an official stamp; you are registered. To separate later — you need to go through a complicated divorce procedure, and if children have appeared in the meantime, you also have to attend a court hearing, meaning the process is quite lengthy.
If you live abroad, it’s a total disaster, because most often abroad, children are left with the more independent and financially stable person, meaning the father. This happens, and it’s one of the tragedies of Russian women who move and marry foreigners.
And without the stamp, it feels like I can change my mind at any moment. On one hand, there’s uncertainty, and on the other, there’s the illusion that if something goes wrong, I can just pack my bags, turn around, and leave at any moment.
If you think this way, or if your partner thinks this way, then this is exactly what plants the seed of doubt, especially if it’s been voiced or clearly demonstrated a couple of times.
And since this illusion of freedom is present, there is also a feeling that there is no such responsibility, that official marriage is a bunch of demands and obligations, a much higher level of responsibility, while in a civil marriage, all of this can be avoided.
Where does this illusion of freedom lead? To hasty decisions. In a civil marriage, if you suddenly have a fight, it’s very easy to slam the door, pack a bag, turn around, and leave, only to regret it later when it’s too late.
If you are in an official marriage, it’s much harder to do that; you’ll think it over 25 times, change your mind, and only then make such a decision.
See also: How the State of Your Chakras Affects Your Relationship as a Couple
A Lever for Manipulation
Besides hasty decisions, this same feeling of freedom provides a powerful lever for manipulation: if anything, I’ll pack my suitcase and I can leave.
I’ve met both women and men like this. I’ve met couples who lived together for many, many years, and the woman was uncertain and had doubts because the man manipulated her time and again, threatening that if she behaved a certain way (setting a specific ultimatum), he would just turn around and leave.
I’ve also seen the same thing with women towards men, meaning this argument is used as a tool for manipulation because the relationship isn’t legally formalized in any way.
Children’s Rights in a Civil Marriage
Another important issue is children, inheritance rights, or any rights at all in a civil marriage.
When a child is born, or at least when you find out you’re pregnant, it can be a powerful push for the relationship to move somewhere. Often, a woman starts expecting the man to marry her right away, and by the way, many men fall for this.
Even now, in the three-dimensional world, there is a developed system of manipulation – supposedly accidentally getting pregnant, putting maximum effort into it, and then playing innocent to trap a man into marriage.
But children are not a cure for marriage. Many people think that if a civil relationship wasn’t working and they have a child, everything will change afterward.
A child is not a guarantee that the marriage or relationship will last. Women often use pregnancy as a means of manipulation, assuming that something will happen afterward. Nothing of the sort; most often, the opposite happens.
You can’t glue a broken cup back together; it takes a huge amount of effort, and a child doesn’t always play the role of that binding glue. It often happens that a woman who was chasing a man gets pregnant, seemingly catches him, but can’t hold onto him because the man simply isn’t interested.
In the second part of the article, you’ll learn how a stamp in your passport and the act of getting married affect your ancestral programs, and what kind of relationship can be called conscious.
What do you think about relationships in a civil marriage? What advantages and disadvantages do you see in it?
The article is based on a webinar for clients, “Civil Marriage or a Stamp in the Passport.”