At the very heart of the human experience, each of us has an intuitive understanding of the value of unconditional love.
We discover great joy when we can love unconditionally, refraining from judgment and fully opening ourselves to the vibrant reality of another’s being. We feel most loved when others accept our love and reciprocate it.
Unconditional love holds immense power, activating the cosmic energy that connects us with the vastness and depth of the true I Am. This energy is the energy of the heart.
We experience glimpses of unconditional love most vividly during our birth, our death, and when we open our hearts to another being.
In that moment, we are inspired simply by the existence of another person sharing this moment with us on planet Earth.
The rigid, frozen, icy parts within us begin to melt, healing through love, as if thawing in the spring sun. But soon enough, especially in true intimacy, we encounter all the fears, limitations, and prejudices that stop the free flow of love.
Will I be hurt again? Can I trust this person? Will this relationship meet my needs?
These thoughts lead you to conditionality: “I can be open and vulnerable with you only if… my needs are met, you will love me exactly as I love you, you won’t hurt me…”
The attraction between conditional and unconditional love creates a tension between two different sides of our nature — the desires of the conditioned personality and the unconditional open heart.
This tension between conditionality and unconditionality, if looked at clearly and worked with, can help you learn to love more deeply. The conflict of these two parts can ignite a fire of purification, awakening the heart to the true challenge, the crying risk, and the immense gift of human love.
See also Love is a gift. How to find it
If you don’t know/can’t switch from a state of constant lack of love and approval to the realization that love is your gift, this information will help you.
What characterizes unconditional love in relationships
The expression of unconditional love flows through the heart chakra, which is its source.
You can define the heart chakra as the part of you that is most tender and open to the world around you, when you can let others into your heart and feel their touch. It is also the part that can go beyond yourself to connect with others more deeply.
Unconditional love has two manifestations:
- Acceptance. Accepting others as they are.
- Expression. Actively expressing in the world: meeting, touching, getting to know, being with others.
It is in the heart’s nature to desire to transmit and receive love, without conditions in this pure exchange. The heart does not care about what might hurt your personal ego feelings.
The heart simply rejoices in being, despite your intentions to keep a safe distance, not to go into deep intimacy, or even to end the relationship if it becomes too scary.
Love, by its very essence, is beyond conditions and reasons.
Once the heart has opened and you have connected with another person in a deep bond, that connection feels lifelong, and it doesn’t matter in what form the relationship continues. Unconditional love may have its own reasons… and the mind does not know them.
Conditional Love
Nevertheless, you are not only pure heart, but you also have your own likes and dislikes and certain conditions that determine the degree of connection with another person.
This is inevitable.
As soon as you consider a relationship with someone, you immediately enter the field of conditions.
We live on Earth and, according to the cosmic laws of this planet, exist within certain forms and structures (body, temperament, personality characteristics, emotional needs, likes and dislikes, sexual preferences, communication styles, lifestyle, beliefs, and values).
Conditional love is pleasure and attraction based on how much a person meets your expectations, demands, desires, and personal considerations.
It is the body’s response to how they look, what support they provide, what they do for you. This is not bad, but it is a lower vibration of love, as it ends when the conditions that formed it change.
If the one you love starts behaving in a way you don’t like, you may stop loving them as much.
Sympathy based on conditions gives way to fear, anger, or resistance. Nevertheless, besides the conditional “yes” and the conditional “no,” there is a great unconditional YES from the heart.
See also Three Types of Relationships. Do Ideal Relationships Exist?
The Union of Two Kinds of Love
Attraction to another person is often strongest when two orders of love are present.
A person has touched your heart and also meets your conditions for choosing a partner. It becomes confusing when these two orders of love diverge: a person may meet your rational criteria, but you feel nothing for them. Or you may have a connection at the level of the heart chakra, but based on your personal considerations, the person is not right for you.
One of the most common misconceptions is trying to impose your personal “no” on a heart that says “yes.” You might even try to end the relationship because some of your needs are unmet.
But the nature of the heart is to radiate and receive love, and the heart wants to preserve the right to love this person. Trying to restrict the flow of love coming from the heart can harm you and cut off a source of joy and life.
Another possible reaction is trying to ignore the “no” coming from the personality, in opposition to the heart’s agreement. Convincing yourself to unconditionally tolerate another person’s personality, actions, and unsuitable lifestyle.
This is self-deception that leads to painful consequences. Unconditional love does not mean you have to love what you truly dislike, or say “yes” when you need to say “no.”
Unconditional love is born from a completely different place than likes, dislikes, attraction, and resistance.
It is a recognition and confirmation of being-to-being. It is an expression of unconditionality — the inner kindness of a tender, open heart hidden beneath defenses and pretenses.
It does not necessarily include “love” in the narrow sense of romantic, desiring, adoring feelings. Rather, it is unconditional openness and deep intimacy.
Originating from our “basic goodness” (Trungpa Rinpoche), unconditional love resonates with and reveals the unconditional goodness in others. The kindness of the human heart, which is born tender, responsive, and eager to reach out and touch the life around it, is unconditional in the sense that it is not something we must achieve. It simply exists within us.
See also: Unconditional Love as a Healing Tool
How often do you experience unconditional love in your relationships? Can you say that unconditional love prevails over conditional love in your relationships?
Read about how to open your heart and maintain unconditional love in the second part of the article.
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