In our society, there are many imposed programs and beliefs. Some pass us by and have virtually no impact on our lives, while others penetrate deep into the subconscious, guiding our decisions throughout our entire journey.
One such program is the fear of being punished.
The times we are currently living through, on a collective level, allow us to look back and let go of all such programs (fear of punishment, guilt, and shame for so-called mistakes).
This is what our material will be about. Read it; perhaps it will serve as a healing tool for you, or at least make you think about your unconscious reactions.
Expectation of Punishment or Shame
Many still experience a fear and expectation of some kind of punishment for doing something wrong, not doing something, or saying something.
We are already adults, but we still expect punishment. For what?
Many were punished for something in kindergarten, or by parents — for a bad grade, and then we experienced a stressful state during exams — “what if I fail, what will happen then.”
We grew up with this fear of making a mistake, no matter what we do, and this beacon looms before our eyes, signaling that punishment must follow.
The same goes for shame and disgrace. Many people want to go live on air but are afraid, afraid to interact with an audience. They think that if they can’t answer a question, they will be shamed.
When I answer questions, it happens that I don’t know the answer, and then a flood of admiring emojis comes in: “What? You just say you don’t know something? Is that allowed?” I allow myself not to know something.
These fears sit inside because in our education system, not knowing something is bad.
But on planet Earth, there is not a single person who knows everything, or knows everything about their specialty. And then, if you don’t know something, it’s a disgrace.
This is a destructive program based on feelings of shame, “I am not worthy of living,” and the like. Pull it out of yourself.
How to free yourself from the fear of being punished, the fear of shame
1. Imagine that the trauma does not exist
Now is that unique chance when you can easily free yourself from the fear of punishment and shame for mistakes made.
All you need to do is imagine that there is no punishment and never has been in your life. Imagine that the experience you went through remains, but you did not receive the trauma.
Recall any traumatic situation and imagine how you would feel, how you would behave, if you had not received the trauma.
Think about how your behavior, your life, would change if this trauma disappeared.
See also: Why keep returning to the past?
Learn how to determine that the past is over and no longer dominates what is happening in your present.
2. React to any events with “great”
React to any events with “great,” because whatever you did was the maximum possible. And only our damaged self dictates the opposite.
At every single moment in time, we make the best possible decision and choose the most favorable options.
This concerns our past. “Oh, if only I could…” If you could, you would have. Accept the phrase “if I could, I would have” as an axiom, and you will lose the feelings of guilt and shame, which in principle were originally meant to protect and warn, but in our case have turned into a scourge of modernity.
Rewrite your reactions to situations from the past: another bad grade — great, no punishment; got an A — super; didn’t study — parents were called — great; studied, raised your hand — super!
Any option your mind can come up with is appropriate. When this thought is ingrained in your subconscious and begins to drive you, you start acting based on this paradigm — no matter what you do, what result or lack of result you achieve — it’s great.
That’s when miracles and magic begin.
See also: Perfectionism. How to take control of it
A person who has a tendency toward perfectionism does not allow themselves the right to make a mistake. They consider themselves obligated to do everything at the highest level. Find out what this leads to in the article.
3. Look at your fear through the eyes of an adult
When you again have the question: what will the consequences be, what punishment, think about who is standing over you, who wants to punish you, what strict teacher with a pointer or father with a belt is that?
From which childhood horror story does this character emerge and dictate to you what to do or not do?
Catch the reaction. What are you afraid of? What image surfaces from childhood? Didn’t study the lesson, got called on, and you were embarrassed?
Your task is to figure out what shame means, who can shame you now, in adult life. It is precisely this depth that is surfacing now, and this is what you need to pay attention to.
See also “Good Girl” or The Woman Who Creates. Which one do you choose to be?
What situations make you fear being punished, where are you afraid of shame or reproach? How do you cope with this?
Excerpt from a broadcast in the #conversation_on_the_couch section “Answers to Questions”