Do you bargain with the world? Do you make deals with the universe and with yourself? Strange questions, don’t you think? We’re not on a stock exchange to strike deals, and we’re not at a market to haggle.
Yet, completely unconsciously, that’s exactly what we do — we haggle and make deals. We don’t always realize we’re taking part in these negotiations to strike a more or less favorable deal. And the bargaining happens for all sorts of reasons.
So what does it mean to bargain with the universe? Is it an inability to be honest with yourself, a reluctance to take responsibility for your own life? Let’s explore this in the article.
How the habit of bargaining with the universe is born
Bargaining with the world for the right to get something for your dear self. That’s what it’s called. You scratch my back, I’ll scratch yours — that’s the motto that has followed us since childhood.
Our parents bargain with us for our right to be loved by them; we have to meet their expectations, and we get drawn into these negotiations.
Everything that has guided us since childhood, we most often do only so that we don’t “get in trouble,” so that our parents won’t stop loving us. And in particularly “severe cases” — to win their love. And the most important thing in this matter is to be obedient, quiet, not to bother, not to interfere…
They bargain with us, we bargain with them. You give me — good behavior, I give you — my love; you give me — good grades, I give you — my love; you give me — obedience, I give you love, and so on.
And the theme of obedience runs like a red thread through it all. From childhood, we are taught to do not what we want, but what others want from us. We are drawn into these deals, and after certain negotiations, we learn to surrender to someone else’s will and someone else’s desires.
I won’t argue, sometimes this is necessary from the parents’ side. It is necessary and justified. But a child’s ability to learn and be receptive grows into patterns of perception and behavior.
There are countless variations on the theme of the deals we make; each of you can recall these bargains with your own parents and your own bargains as parents with your children.
Deals are made constantly, for any reason, and they become a part of our lives. We absorb this model of relationships, and it becomes the norm for us.
See also How a child’s perception of the world can help you return to your true nature
Imprinting. How it affects our perception
We absorb this communication pattern completely unconsciously and begin interacting with the world from exactly this position. It becomes part of us.
We unconsciously adopt huge numbers of these models, many of which are in no way destructive or negative. It’s simply how our psyche works. An unconsciously adopted perception template is called “imprinting.”
The human psyche is so complex and incomprehensible that the mechanisms of its operation remain secrets behind seven seals.
Memory and emotions are also not as simple as we’d like them to be. However, the consequence of the “work” of the mechanisms of the psyche, memory, and emotions plays “cruel tricks” on us. We reap the fruits of their coordinated work and don’t understand HOW and WHAT can help us to change what we don’t like and arrive at what we want.
Imprinting is one of those “tricks” of the coordinated work of our psyche, memory, and emotions. Emotionally charged information fixed in memory forms a specific worldview.
Imprinting is also a specific form of learning that shapes our mental, emotional, and behavioral reactions. It is an algorithm for manifesting our reactions and behavior patterns, fixed in the unconscious memory — how we get used to reacting to certain situations — what we say, what we feel, how we think, and what we do.
You could say that imprinting is what we absorb into ourselves and what shapes us. Including the most basic aspects of adapting to this world.
A child grows, their needs form on different levels, and imprinting as a form of learning greatly helps with this. However, we also absorb a lot within the framework of conditioning, which can hinder us in adulthood.
The topic of imprinting is vast and deserves a separate article. Within the framework of the discussed topic of bargaining and deals with the universe, this is just a small digression so that it’s clear HOW this happens to us.
Forewarned is forearmed, meaning we can already do something about it, rather than fumbling around in a dark room looking for a black cat.
See also: 10 principles of a conscious person
Deals with the Universe. What to Do About It
Bargaining with the world is very convenient. It allows you to take the responsibility off your beloved self. But this is also the basic criterion for activating a victim state within yourself — shifting responsibility onto anything and anyone except yourself.
Why is it that we, as adults, sometimes even understanding WHAT is happening and WHY it’s happening, still can’t move away from it?
Because we absorbed this position from childhood, and it became imprinted in us. The imprinting was a great success.
Don’t blame your parents for it happening. Don’t blame yourself for adopting this model. Simply accept it as a given, as part of a lesson that needs to be learned.
And direct yourself to change what has been imprinted in you. Remove the seal that hinders you, that leads you into heaviness, and absorb and seal in a new, useful one that inspires you to live in lightness.
Let’s break down an example of how these deals with the universe happen. Given:
- I work at a job I don’t love, but I want to leave and do something else;
- I live with someone I don’t love, but I want to break up;
- I study at a university I don’t love, but I want to get a completely different profession;
- I live in a place I don’t love, but I want to move to another city…
A person realizes that living like before is no longer bearable, something has to change. But to change, you need to do something. To somehow change something. To close one reality and open the door to a new one.
But how do you open a new reality for yourself? You have to make an effort, you have to let something new, unknown, and incomprehensible into yourself and into your life.
You have to DO what has never been done before. You have to make a decision, make a choice and move in a different direction. YOU HAVE TO! But it’s scary, unclear, what if it doesn’t work out, what if it gets even worse?
And so the bargaining begins, deals are made. Sometimes with yourself, sometimes with the world.
It seems change is brewing, and the person asks — give me a push, I know how to get where I want to go, but I’m not doing it. Apparently, the change isn’t fully ripe yet, because next they ask — give me a push so I can figure out how to get where I want to go, or help me, drag me in, and then I’ll figure it out myself…
Letting go of old habits is oh so difficult. And the benefits of change are still unclear, what if everything gets even worse?
Read also, How you create illusions to justify your inaction.
Varieties of deals with the universe. Clear examples
The varieties of bargaining will sound something like this:
“Maybe it’s not all that bad, huh? I mean, people live with the same problems as mine somehow. I’d better leave everything as it is. Everything is already familiar and known. I’ll just endure it, get used to it…”
“Maybe everything will change on its own? It happens in life sometimes. I’ll just suffer, get my suffering over with, and then everything will start changing for the better…”
“Maybe I shouldn’t even think about all these troubles? They say you need to think positively. Then everything will come on its own, right into my hands…”
“Can I just not do anything with myself, not change my thoughts, my mindset? Can I somehow get to change without that…”
“Can you just do everything for me, and when I see that it works, I’ll join in too…”
I think you understand how this bargaining flares up. Bargaining with yourself over trying to change your life. There are many variations. The main thing here is to see such manifestations in yourself.
It might not be so easy, because this is part of your perception, part of you, an integral part. But you have to! You have to see and acknowledge this component. Yes, this bargaining goes hand in hand with resistance, which is not easy to let go of.
See also The Rule of Three Signals. How the Universe teaches you
It’s all about choice. Why deals fail
Understand — choice in our life is inevitable. Even the absence of choice itself is also a choice not to make one. However, choice is always a rejection of one thing in favor of another. And bargaining is pointless.
And even when you bargain with yourself, in reality you are bargaining with the world. But that doesn’t work.
You can remain in an illusion only if your illusion does not lead you to suffering. Otherwise, simply switch illusions if you don’t want to exert yourself too much.
But as long as you bargain with the world, nothing will ever change. Remember that this GAME OF BARTER with the world, this haggling and searching for favorable deal terms, is merely a habitual and adopted perception that has been imprinted on you, solidified, and you no longer notice how your conclusions are formed.
It becomes a part of you. Your mental constructs become entrenched with each passing day, with each “trade deal.”
But not all deals bring profit and satisfaction from the transaction. Quite the opposite, in fact.
If you are bargaining, for example, for the right to “get married,” but in reality you don’t understand that you are simply afraid of loneliness. And so you make a deal with yourself, with the world, with the “chosen one,” you get married, but happiness is as absent as ever.
The loneliness hasn’t gone anywhere. The deal failed, and you are just as unhappy. And you wanted “simple, human happiness,” and everyone around keeps saying that “it’s time,” that “time is running out,” that “it will be harder later.” And you unconsciously want to be obedient — and so you decide on this “trade deal.”
Another example — you want to live beautifully, richly, denying yourself nothing. And you make a deal with yourself, bargaining a little, and you choose career growth. You work yourself to the bone, build a career, secure a comfortable life, but there is no happiness. No family, no children, no friends. Only work, money, pleasures that can be paid for.
And all because you never understood that you were hiding from yourself with this prosperity, from allowing yourself to love. And instead of love and family, you chose work and money. The deal failed. Money brought neither peace nor happiness. Your health is faltering, and you are no longer happy with the money, the status, or the wealth.
Countless examples could be given. All of this happens because a person makes a deal with themselves, with their conscience. They bargain with themselves for the right to get what they have imagined as “happiness.”
But what they truly need, what would bring them joy, is hidden far away and for a long time. And they don’t even realize it. They don’t see it. This inner deafness is what leads to these constant negotiations and unjustified deals.
What to do to avoid bargaining with yourself
It’s simple. You have to be honest with yourself. Stop deceiving yourself. Stop letting others lead you around. Start listening to your true needs and desires.
Difficult? I agree. But possible. Even necessary. As soon as you catch yourself bargaining and ready to make a deal, stop! Ask yourself the question: “What can I do for myself? How can I help myself?”
But just remember — doing for the sake of doing is still bargaining with the world, it’s the position of “I tried, but nothing worked.” Don’t try. Do it. Find ways and do it.
Without inner faith, without being honest with yourself and with the world, nothing can ever be changed.
Yes, we want to know what will happen and how it will happen. But we cannot control what is beyond our power. Don’t be afraid to change the familiar. Climb out of your familiar, warm, and comfortable swamp. You were born an original, so don’t die a copy (c)…
There is nothing reliable in life. You only know that you know nothing. This “knowledge” of your ignorance can inspire change, and then you will understand that it is impossible to grasp the beauty of the unknown.
If you don’t like what is happening to you and around you, then only you have the power to change it. Find the source of your attention. What is your fixation — fear, anger, irritation, resentment? What is constricting you? Deprive that source of power, and move towards expansion.
Without your attention, nothing will happen. You are the source of what manifests in your life. You are the source of your world and your reality. Create your reality with love…
See also Honesty as an indicator of spiritual growth
Read about what true strength and the value of honesty consist of.