Life consists of changes. And changes mean losing the old and gaining the new.
You are always losing something: a job, money, health, beauty, people, familiar living conditions. And you always gain something in return.
If losses leave you without support, meaning, strength, and energy, read this article.
You will understand why life takes something away from you, how to benefit from it, and how to get through a loss. A loss can be either a knockout or a ladder leading you to a better life.
How to Accept and Get Through a Loss
Agree to Losses
It is easy to accept gifts from life — a new romance, an interesting job, a healthy body, a victory in a competition — you accept such events with joy and often take them for granted.
But when losses come, you fall into despair. You argue with life and believe it has unfairly taken away what you needed.
Remember: sometimes life knows much better than you what you truly need. Just as a parent knows it is time to take away a child’s toys so they can focus on their homework.
Your indignation, resentment, and pain are caused by an unwillingness to change, an unwillingness to work with your soul (and not just your soul) to master a new stage, to conquer a new peak that life offers.
See also Changes in Life. What They Mean for You
How to Learn to Accept Changes in Life
Any loss (even the most unpleasant one) is an opportunity for growth. What is seen as a deprivation on the physical plane turns into a gain on the spiritual plane.
Any losses teach the main law of life on the physical plane — nothing in the material world is permanent — everything you have gained, you will lose; everything that was not in your life but appeared, will leave again.
When you notice that you are losing everything that comes, when you have experienced the acute pain of several losses, you will learn not to cling to what you have now and will absorb the main knowledge — nothing belongs to you.
This world is a temporary phenomenon, and everything in it is temporary — even your body and your life. And the final chord of all possible losses is the loss of yourself in physical embodiment.
You are not able to preserve or hold onto even this; you cannot preserve or hold onto anything.
Therefore, agreeing to lose is a wise decision. After all, you will continue to lose anyway, whether you want to or not.
Agree to accept this rule of the game, and you will see how your life begins to fill up. Because by agreeing to lose, you automatically agree to gain.
Read also How to Learn to Accept and Why It Is Important.
Understand the Spiritual Function of Losses
My grandmother lost her sight at the end of her life. I witnessed this process, and it terrified me!
What is it like to stop seeing the world? I would close my eyes while walking down the street or talking to loved ones to feel what it means to lose the image of the world.
And one day I realized — I will lose this world. Sooner or later. Maybe today, maybe tomorrow. What difference does “when” make if the loss is inevitable?
And the fear of losing one of the functions of the physical body — voice, hearing, sight, the ability to walk — is only a part of a much greater fear — the fear of death, the fear of losing the most precious thing — myself and the ability to live.
In that moment, I realized — I really want to live! I love this life!
Any losses related to the physical body are a chance to meet a small death, to touch the boundary beyond which my physical body does not exist.
Accepting this loss means for me accepting one of the central givens of life, the death of the physical body, and striving to search for that within me which is eternal.
My life consists of losses — by evening I lose the past day, by the end of the year — the year; I lose childhood and youth, young adulthood and maturity, old friends and familiar things…
Again and again life shows me that everything here is temporary, that everything will end. And I accept this revelation. And you?
Read why we resist humility and what its true value is.
What humility is from a spiritual perspective.
Recognize what you have lost
Set aside some time and explore your experience. Ask yourself:
- What have I lost?
- Why was this valuable to me? How did I assign value to it?
- What did I find in it? Can I find that in something else? Why yes/no?
- Do I believe this is the most precious thing in my life? Why?
- Do I think I cannot live without this? How did I live when I did not have it?
- Did it seem like I had this forever? Did it seem like this belonged to me and was under my control?
- Do I understand that everything here is temporary, even my physical embodiment?
- Do I believe that losses can be avoided? How can I prevent losses?
- Could this have lasted/been mine forever? When would I have been ready to lose it?
Stay with your discoveries and insights for a while.
Periodically return to these questions to better understand what is happening in the undercurrents of your mind. You will see that clarity gradually destroys the shackles you have placed on yourself.
See also Death from the perspective of spirituality and metaphysics. What happens to the soul after death
Accept the loss
Regardless of your emotions, thoughts, or actions — reality is what it is. And in it, losses occur that you cannot prevent.
This is called irreversibility. Just as you cannot turn back time, sometimes you cannot bring back what is gone.
See as clearly as possible — it is no longer here. Accepting loss means allowing something new to come into your life.
If you feel that you are resisting the new, take some time for yourself and explore your experience:
- Can I allow myself to meet the new? Why yes/no?
- Does it seem to me that accepting the new devalues the Old/means betraying the old?
- Do I believe that the new will never replace the old for me?
- Have I decided that I will never come to terms with this loss and will grieve it for my whole life? Why do I need this? What is it proving? Are there other ways to prove this?
- Am I afraid of losing what comes again? Is a life without loss possible?
- What would my life look like if I don’t allow the new to take the place of the old? Does that work for me? How does it affect my environment and the people dear to me?
- What would my life look like if I allow the new to take the place of the old?
See also Why it’s important to be flexible and how to learn it
Live in the present moment
The most painful part of loss is not the loss itself, as it seems, but your thoughts. You cause yourself pain with thoughts-memories, thoughts-reasonings, thoughts-fantasies.
- Bring your attention to your breath.
- Look out the window.
- Look at your palms.
- Say one kind word to the person standing next to you.
Nothing painful is happening in the present moment. Here and now, everything is fine. All the pain is in your head, caused by thoughts and memory.
You have the power to forget and let go, if you allow yourself to. And remember: “I can’t let these memories go” — that is also just a thought. Why hold onto it?
If you have made a vow to yourself — “I will not let these memories go” — ask yourself, why did you do that? Who needs it? Does this decision make your life and the lives of your loved ones better?
Again and again, pull your attention out of the stream of thoughts and direct it into real life — towards nature, the people around you, household chores, creativity, dancing. And everything will surely begin to change for the better. If you want change.
Read How and why you need to let go of the past
We are not calling for you to renounce your past or forget it. However, the past belongs in the past. Let’s figure out why this is so.
Meditate to open wisdom
When you are focused on the external, it seems that there is a “you” who is missing something. But YOU will also end. Reflect on this.
The time will come when you will lose not only what you have lost now, but the entire world, including your physical embodiment. Turn the focus of your attention inward.
All your worries, feelings, and emotions are temporary; all your memories are just a dream. They too will come to an end. Meditate on the law of impermanence — everything arises, continues for a time, and disappears. Everything is temporary. Everything will pass.
See also Betrayal Trauma. How to restore emotional balance if you feel you have been betrayed
Losses and the way I’ve made sense of them have made my life beautiful. I no longer clench my fists to hold onto air. I breathe while I have the chance. And I wish for you to see life from this point of view.