Are you familiar with the situation when a relationship with a loved one suddenly ends?
What did you feel in that moment? Emptiness? Inadequacy? Pain? Resentment? As if you lost something that should rightfully belong to you – his love.
What do we do after this? We look for new relationships to fill the void in our heart, to feel loved. We find, we lose, we suffer, we find again, we lose again… And so it goes in circles.
How do we stop this vicious cycle, how do we stop needing the love of others?
Read the article, and you will learn how to fill yourself with love from within and change your life.
“Those who have found the source of love within themselves no longer need to be loved – and they will be loved.”
— Osho
We seek love because we don’t know or don’t understand that we can love ourselves. This seems absurd. Our worth must be confirmed from the outside.
For some reason, it’s not customary among people to first approve of, respect, and love oneself, and only then accept the approval of others.
It turns out to be the opposite. First, we try to earn someone’s love, and only then do we pay attention to ourselves: “I am loved, so there must be a reason.”
Where does self-devaluation come from?
Let’s figure out where self-devaluation comes from.
Novels are written about the need for love, poems and epics are composed, songs are sung. So much has been said about it!
More than one generation grew up on this. It is absorbed with mother’s milk: “If you behave well, I will love you.”
From childhood, we are taught that love must be earned. We grow up with these beliefs.
No one sings songs that loving yourself is wonderful and natural. In the eyes of society, it would look, at the very least, incomprehensible.
But what about the storm of passions, all those love sufferings? After all, from time immemorial, this was considered a sign of nobility.
But in life, love appears and disappears, because someone’s affection for us is temporary. Love passes, but the emptiness in the heart remains.
And time and again we seek love to fill the void.
Many believe it is better to suffer than to have no object of adoration at all. Let it be fleeting happiness, let me suffer, but it’s not the emptiness that consumes everything.
Sooner or later, a moment comes when a person reaches their limit. They get tired of searching for this elusive love. Then comes the realization that something is wrong here. I am missing something.
Is this chase for love really going to continue all my life? When will this running in circles stop? Where is the harmony and peace that the enlightened speak of?
Even after receiving that coveted portion of love, we still feel unhappy, because now we have something to lose.
No matter how loving and attentive a person is next to you, they are unable to express their feelings every minute.
But we keep demanding and demanding, wanting constant confirmation that we are loved. The fear of loss grows and grows. And, in the end, even this love goes away.
But you cannot lose what you do not have. Nothing is permanent. The only thing that can be permanent is love for yourself.
Determine by 15 signs how much you love yourself.
If you nurture, water, and fertilize it, this source will overflow. And both you and your surroundings will feel it.
How do you come to this understanding? How do you unlock the source of love and find harmony?
15 steps to unlocking your inner source of love
The following recommendations will help you achieve this.
Step 1. Take responsibility for your own life
This is the first thing you need to do.
When in a victim state, we depend on the outside world. Today we are showered with love and attention, and tomorrow we are betrayed.
When we take responsibility for our own lives, we come to understand that we don’t need to wait for love from anyone. And there’s no point anyway, because everything depends on us.
We ourselves are capable of giving ourselves the care and love we need, even around the clock.
Step 2. Acknowledge the value of your existence on Earth
Those who seek love in the outside world do not love themselves and underestimate themselves.
Allow yourself to even entertain the thought that you are valuable to the Universe. We are all different, and we are all needed and important.
Think about why nature would create identical people. There is not a single flower exactly like another, not a single blade of grass or snowflake.
Let alone people. Each of us holds completely unique qualities and talents.
Self-love begins with this awareness.
See also Best books that change your consciousness. TOP-15
Step 3. Forgive and accept yourself, your parents, and your partners
This is a lot of inner work, but it’s worth starting, because without it, you can’t move forward.
The most important people for a newborn child are their parents. In the first years of life, they are their whole world. Things don’t always go smoothly. More often than not, seeds are planted in childhood that grow into wounds of feeling undervalued in adulthood.
In childhood, we need parental love, and as adults, we try to fulfill this need through our partners, and sometimes through those around us.
Parents and partners are our spiritual teachers. They show us our weak points. But they are just playing roles, behind which loving souls are hidden.
Forgive and accept them, and most importantly, yourself.
Healing your inner child will make this easier.
See also How to learn to accept and why it’s important
Step 4. Realize the oneness of all that exists
Each of us has a higher aspect — the “Higher Self.” We are one big Universe, Cosmos, God. We are one, loving and loved.
Looking globally, we are one whole. We are God. While in physical bodies, we are separate, but on an energetic level, we are connected by invisible threads.
Therefore, you cannot be abandoned, hurt, or betrayed. If this happens on a human level in the 3D world, it is at the request of your soul.
So that you can finally notice yourself, learn to value and love yourself.
At first, it’s hard to go through life thinking this way, especially if you’ve experienced a tragic event.
Find like-minded people – those who think and feel the same way you do. And your belief in the unity of all things will grow stronger every day.
Step 5. Uncover the Source of Love Within You
Human love, human relationships – they are temporary, but the love we come here with is eternal. It is always there. This is that true love that doesn’t need to be sought or earned.
Once you find it, you will discover harmony, peace, and happiness. Allow yourself to open this source.
Feel the difference between temporary human love and the love that is inside, in your heart. It cannot be lost; it is always with you.
You are the creators of your reality, and it’s up to you whether you feel this love in your heart every minute or block access to this source.
Go through a heart-opening meditation…
Gradually, a core – the foundation of your self-love will be built within you.
Even if in critical moments you feel the old way again, with the help of this inner core, you will no longer want to stay in a state of lacking love.
How do you maintain this state, how do you fill your inner vessel with love?
See also: Why It’s So Hard to Be Yourself and How to Transmit Your Truth
Step 6. Take Care of Your Body
When your vessel of love is empty, a sure way to fill it is to take care of your physical shell.
It’s important to do this consciously, with the understanding that you are caring for yourself, you are showing love for yourself.
The body is the vessel of the soul. By caring for it, you learn to respect it and listen to its needs.
Even a simple self-massage of the feet, done with love, can bring you back to a state of bliss and peace.
But you don’t have to do everything yourself; allow others to care for your body too. Book a manicure, even if you’re used to doing it yourself.
Train your consciousness to accept that your body is worth being cared for.
See also: The Resourceful Woman, or Where Your Resources Are Hiding
Step 7. Thank Your Body
Learn to thank your body, even if you consider it imperfect.
Your soul itself “built” the body you now have before incarnation. And it is perfectly suited for fulfilling specific tasks in this incarnation.
Try hugging yourself before bed, as if you were hugging a loved one you haven’t seen in a long time. After a while, your attitude towards your body and yourself as a whole will change.
Step 8. Free Yourself from Negative Emotions
On the path to opening your source of love, you will have to release emotions.
The more trauma you have, the more emotions your subconscious hides. You surely know about the harm of trapped emotions. Allow yourself to free yourself from them.
Here are some ways to do this:
- Breathing practices
- Physical activity: sports, house cleaning, beating a pillow, breaking dishes (if you don’t mind), digging in the garden, etc.
- Emotional Freedom Technique
- Writing an angry letter
- The Sedona Method
See also “How to manage emotions and why is it so important for you?”
Remember that suppressed emotions will eventually make themselves known sooner or later. Don’t hide them from yourself, don’t scold yourself for experiencing them.
Any emotions have the right to exist. But you yourself make the choice of which ones to experience.
Step 9. Give others what you yourself need
“Thinking that the world is denying you something, know that in reality you already have it. But until you let it flow out, you won’t even be able to know that you have it.”
Eckhart Tolle “A New Earth”
You seek love, confirming its lack in your life. The Universe has no choice but to confirm this, creating an even greater deficit of love in your life.
If you need love, give it to someone. If that’s difficult, then give a piece of your attention and warmth. The main thing is to do it sincerely, without expecting anything in return.
Start small, feed a stray kitten or buy a potted flower and take care of it.
Don’t expect anything back, show love as much as you can with pure intention, and soon you will feel that you are truly overflowing with love.
Step 10. Confess your love to yourself
If you’ve never done this before, it will be difficult at first. You might sabotage this exercise. It is truly hard, but only at the beginning.
In the process, you will see how many emotions are hidden within you. You will understand how much you needed these words.
All your life you sought love, craved confessions, when you yourself could have simply supported yourself at any moment.
Step 11. Thank yourself
If it’s still hard for you to confess your love to yourself, start with gratitude.
Surely there have been moments in your life when you were proud of yourself, when others were proud of you, admired you.
Remember those moments and send yourself gratitude from your heart. Let this be your daily practice after waking up and before sleep.
See also Gratitude. What is its role in your life
Discover 7 benefits of the practice of gratitude.
Step 12. Unlock your unique talents
You are all special. The more you learn to accept yourself, the better you get to know yourself.
Learn to appreciate the qualities that nature gave you.
Often we think there is nothing special about a certain quality of ours, but in reality it is precisely that quality that is unique.
What we do best is our uniqueness.
Pay attention to this. Develop it and admire your discoveries.
The exercise “Gathering Beads” from the article How to Find Your Uniqueness will help you with this.
Step 13. Focus on Your Strengths
Continue learning to pay attention to your positive qualities. Record them for yourself.
Write down your very best qualities on a piece of paper, and recall situations when these qualities helped you.
Remember what emotions you felt at that time, and in moments of self-doubt, fill yourself with that state.
Step 14. Tune into Unity with Nature
If you were born a woman, you are lucky. Be proud of it! Every woman is, without exaggeration, an entire Universe, Cosmos, Nature.
When you are outdoors, in the forest, by the sea, feel this connection, this unity with her.
Lying on the beach, on rocks, or in the forest on the grass, imagine that you are one with the earth. Entering the sea, a river, or any body of water, merge with the water element.
Feel this natural power. Try it, and you will feel support and a surge of energy.
A unique feminine strength and power will begin to open up within you.
This practice helps you become saturated with the energy of Nature and promotes grounding.
Step 15. Enjoy the Beautiful
Listen to beautiful music, read poetry, admire blooming flowers. Let the cells of your body absorb all the beauty of this world.
Over time, you will look younger, your vibrations will rise, and you yourself will begin to radiate harmony and love.
And remember, we come here, to Earth, not for suffering. There is no point in suffering for the sake of suffering.
The meaning of being here is to find yourself and to get pleasure from every day you live.
The side effects of opening your source of love will be positive changes in life, improved appearance, rejuvenation, healing from chronic illnesses (heart, female organs), a complete transformation from within, and finding personal happiness.
You will be able to forgive and love yourself. And you will feel that your vessel of love is full and ready to overflow.
Your love will be enough for you, your loved ones, and everyone around you.