Many women have gone through divorce, sometimes more than once. There are also those who are currently facing a choice — whether to decide to separate or to stay together.
The topic of divorce is quite painful for every person. Let’s look at it through the lens of spirituality.
Read on to learn how to prepare for the conversation about divorce and how to get through it.
Divorce as Transformation
If you want a divorce because you’ve had enough, you’re unlikely to put it off or wait.
It won’t matter to you whether he agrees or disagrees, or whether this sluggish, undefined situation suits him or not.
In this case, the process in the relationship resembles a process of transformation. When you’ve truly reached your limit, you’ll leave without looking back and without overthinking.
When doubts and fears arise — “how do I say it,” “what do I do” — it only means one thing: you haven’t fully decided for yourself yet. You’re looking for excuses, justifications.
But you have an amazing tool connected to meditation. When you enter a state of relaxation, the mind shuts off, all processes in the brain slow down, and at that moment, access opens to the universal internet, to those potentials and aspects that you cannot interact with using your mind.
Go there — and weigh it again. If the situation is difficult, do it at night, on the edge of sleep: lie down, close your eyes, and while you’re not yet asleep, in that half-drowsy state (which is precisely the switch to the alpha frequency of the brain) — and weigh the entire situation again. The pros and cons.
If you’ve already come to the decision that’s it, from that moment on you need to act exactly that way. In all conversations, in everything.
See also: When Feelings for Each Other Fade, Should You Separate or Keep the Relationship? [Answers to Questions]
The Myth of a Painless Divorce
If you’ve already come to the decision to divorce, the thought arises: can it be done painlessly? What if your husband rebels, turns the children against you?
But no matter how hard you try to make everything perfect, a divorce cannot be painless. Let go of that illusion.
Every situation has its own anchor that pulls and holds you back. In this case — painlessly, without trauma, without resentment, without something else.
Every person goes through the experience they have planned for themselves. And even children who go through a divorce — their souls, before incarnating, saw that such a scenario was possible.
It’s not guaranteed; there are different possible outcomes. But the soul doesn’t see limitations there, and that option existed. The other thing is that you can go through it more easily, smooth out the rough edges.
So to avoid illusions, let go of your attachment to the word “painless.” Be prepared, possibly, for mudslinging from your husband, be prepared for him to bring in parents — both yours and his — and rally friends to his side, and they will be against you.
Walk through this situation, imagine the worst, exaggerate it. What you fear inside is exactly what creates the ground for insecurity and doubt.
Imagine that your parents, friends, children have turned away, all the horrors your subconscious can throw at you. Take a deep breath in — breathe out, open your eyes, look around — your arms and legs are in place, your children are healthy, your parents are alive.
In principle, the world hasn’t changed all that much. But you have changed, your relationships have changed. In fact, everything that was stable, tangible, material remains the same. And you realize that life isn’t over. This is an important moment.
When you dive in like that for a short time, amplify it all, and then resurface, that attachment, the anchor that was pulling you down, disappears. Even if some of the fears you imagined come true, it will be with fewer losses.
How to prepare for a conversation about divorce
You need arguments for yourself and for your husband. Emotional states are not very clear to men. With masculine energy, there needs to be a clear understanding of why, what, and how.
Your task, on one hand, is not to offend the person, not to hurt his male pride, to act ecologically, safely, and on the other hand, to make it clear that you cannot do otherwise, you are different, you have changed.
You need to find arguments for yourself — explainable, understandable, and logical, as to why it has to be this way. When you’re going through all this on an emotional level, with a knot in your chest, it’s difficult.
And on the other hand, when we live through all this inside our minds, if the situation really gets to us, a mental conversation usually arises: “I would say it like this, or I could say it like that, or like this, or like that.”
But you can go, for example, to the Pyramid of Light and Power, or in a meditative state to a safe place (on the shore of a lake, ocean, some cave with a crystal ceiling, and so on), into any meditative journey.
And there, invite your husband through his Higher Self and have a talk. So that this conversation already happens on a subtle level, and it will be easier for you later, with fewer difficulties and emotions.
But first, write down the facts for yourself to prepare for the conversation, and honestly admit to yourself what the consequences will be. How different will your relationship be after this? What is it you ultimately want?
If this is the end point, then it needs to be a bold, final period, so it’s clear that the bridges are burned. Gratitude for the past, thank you for everything that was. Thank you for the past, even if it was terrible. We are in the present now, and that’s the end of it. I am going into the future alone, I have such-and-such conditions, we make such-and-such agreements.
If there are children, we communicate in this way. If there are any other agreements, we either maintain them or break them off.
It’s no coincidence that abroad they sign contracts and discuss everything. We are not so immersed in the matrix, but you need clarity for yourself.
You need to make sure your husband clearly understands that this is the end. So that no futile hopes remain: maybe we’ll separate now, and then get back together later. That happens too.
I often talk about money: “Create a safety cushion for yourself so that it’s more comfortable. If unexpected expenses come up, it won’t hit you so hard.” In this case, in relationships, there is no safety cushion. You first put a period with one person, then you look for another.
And if it turns out that one relationship isn’t finished, but another person appears on the horizon, and you cling to them with all your might — it’s simply the same lesson, where you switch from one man to another, but the situation doesn’t actually change.
To move to the next level of communication with a partner, it’s almost impossible to make a leap. There must be pauses, when you readjust, reconsider, give yourself time to acclimate, lick your wounds, and lift your spirits. And only after that can you move forward.
And if you jump from one relationship into another without finishing it, most often it will be a repetition of the same lesson, like attracts like. Moreover, similar wounds attract similar dictators.
See also: About difficulties in relationships: why am I alone, how to trust a man — [answers to questions]
How to survive a divorce from your husband. The period after the breakup
The situation when a man tries to come back, and you know for sure that you don’t need it — is sluggish and emotionally draining.
Some people escape into work, it seems like a good way out, it helps to switch focus, but it doesn’t always work.
To be honest, any situation, even when you are the one leaving and walking away from a man, leaving the family, or, more precisely, it turns out you are kicking the man out of the family — in any case, it’s a stressful situation. It still hits you like a ricochet.
There are probably few people who can calmly walk out of a relationship and completely forget about it the next day — there are emotions involved.
Men, often, seeing that they are losing something, suddenly gather their strength and start demonstrating what you’ve been asking and waiting for all along.
But I am one of those people who believe that a broken cup cannot be glued back together. I came to this through sad experience, having lost 6 years of my life — cups don’t glue back together! So the first point is to clearly explain and put a final period, and then enjoy this time and this freedom.
What is this time given for in the first place? You won’t be alone your whole life. One relationship ends, then, after some time — for some a long period passes, for others a short one — but others appear.
Many people keep stepping on the same rake. They barely escape one relationship and immediately find another man, just the same type.
Because this “in-between” moment wasn’t used to understand: “Who have I become today? What are my requests today, personally for me?” In order to understand and realize all this, you need time and space.
Therefore, I admit that I still have a psychological trauma, even if it’s mild, it’s still a trauma. And you need to give yourself time to be in it, to get used to yourself, to taste this freedom.
You can cry and be upset for a long time, but also taste this state, and only then worry about thoughts like what to feed your child, how to raise them going forward.
My child hadn’t even started first grade yet, and I was already thinking about how I would send them to college, how much money it would take, and how they would pass the Unified State Exam. Give yourself the opportunity to be alone, to enjoy it.
See also How to Find Yourself After a Breakup. Reasons Why Men and Women Enter Relationships
Are there any among us who have gone through a divorce from their husband painlessly?
This article is based on webinars with answers to questions from the course “Happy Partnership” (no longer for sale)