Why do some people, when faced with difficulties, find the strength to move forward, while others get stuck in negativity? Why does one person see opportunities all around, while another sees only problems? It all comes down to the filters of the mind — how we interpret reality.
In this article, we will explore how the filters of the mind work, why our minds tend to cling to negativity, and what can be done about it.
Filters of the mind. Where does dissatisfaction with oneself and the world come from?
There is how you see yourself, other people, and the world around you. All your perceptions can be gathered into one sphere.
Many people are critical of themselves, ignore their victories and achievements, and believe there is nothing good in them. And a filter kicks in — you don’t see it. You only see the crap, the negativity, the evil.
You have surely met such people: nothing is right, everything is wrong, and you can never please them. This is a certain mindset, a certain type of thinking through negativity and denial.
But the main thing is that many people have this attitude toward themselves.
This bubble of perceptions includes how other people should be. I think he should be like this, and you should be like that, and here it should be this way. And the same goes for the world as a whole.
But there is reality, there are facts, factual reality. Everyone has the right to live as they wish, as long as they do not violate the rights of others. The world lives by its own laws, and whether you are in a good mood or not, whether the sun will shine or not, whether the rain will fall or not — it does not depend on your desire at all.
And so it turns out that there is a big gap between how things actually are, what a person is really like, and even what you are like, and how you imagine them to be, the pictures you have drawn in your inflated mental field.
The larger this gap, the more reasons for dissatisfaction. The spectrum is diverse: some experience dissatisfaction, some fall into judgment, some into reproach, into accusation, it doesn’t matter what it is. This gap will persist until you bring it together.
We are not talking about the ideal scenario where reality matches your expectations, but this gap can and should be eliminated.
As if by magic, interactions and relationships with loved ones improve, your reproaches and unfounded grievances disappear.
All of this stems from the fact that you believe things should be different. It’s great, of course, when you understand why you think that way, what parameters you are using to evaluate, but all of that is secondary.
See also Mind Games. What role does the mind play in the new reality and why you should not rely on it
Assumptions — a tool of the mind
Assumptions are a tool of the mind. You can only get an answer to your assumption by verifying it.
If it concerns an ailment, by consulting a doctor and conducting diagnostics.
We leave too many things unverified and get stuck for years in our assumptions, guesses, and conjectures.
Therefore, it is important to double-check: go ask acquaintances, read studies, conduct an experiment, ultimately. And stick to facts, not conjectures.
See also Fear of Asking Questions. How to Overcome It
Example with the house roof
I was reading some fantasy novel; there was a caste of people who looked at things impartially, they were summoned to take a look.
There was a story like that: she says, “What color is the roof of this house?” They answer, “From the side visible to us, it’s red.”
It’s logical that on the other side of the house, the roof could be a different color. Or like how they make walls of different colors in rooms nowadays.
What do we base our assumption on? We can assume, but until we check it, it remains an assumption. And in recent years, we have learned to believe any thought that pops into our head without verifying it.
And since we believe any thoughts that spin in our head, or conversely, don’t believe them, information consumed from the internet is also trusted in the same way.
Therefore, this is exactly how you need to check all the guesses spinning in your head, or not take them on faith.
Photo Test
I saw a test in the channel of some lawyer-mediator. She posted several photos and said: “write what you see.”
In one photo — a woman with a stroller, in another photo — a man with a woman.
And people started answering: “young mother, child.” But we don’t see the child at all. We see a stroller, we assume that there is a baby in that stroller, and the woman is happily leaning towards the child. Essentially, we don’t see and don’t know if there is a child there.
There is what we actually see with our eyes, and everything else is pulled in from many levels, layers.
It’s also like if your husband, who got up in a bad mood and got a dressing down from his boss, snapped at you in the morning, and you saw him like that. The next time you see him the same way, absolutely everything in you will automatically be on alert, and you will be ready for all sorts of nonsense. Or vice versa.
See also How our reactive mind works and what are the conditions for taming it
Why the mind defaults to negativity
Question: “Why does the mind like to merge into negativity?”
What does the mind have to do with it? Whose responsibility is it, who is the master of the mind?
If you have been replaying negative thoughts in your head for decades, and most importantly, did nothing to refute them, then what does the mind have to do with it? It follows well-worn paths.
I recommended Joe Dispenza’s book “Supernatural Mind: How Ordinary People Do the Impossible with the Power of the Subconscious,” which brilliantly describes how the biochemical reaction works.
You had a thought, an emotion followed that thought, a biochemical response occurred in the body: the kidneys reacted this way, hormones reacted that way, this trigger did this.
This was programmed by you over the years. It is like overeating: for someone who eats a lot and does not restrain themselves, this part inside is so ingrained that it is very difficult for them to break free.
A groove is worn into the cells, and accordingly it goes, thoughts start spiraling even more, followed by emotions. You are already like a nuclear reactor inside, all processes are triggered, and you can no longer do anything.
You can stop at the first step. But who built all this? And who has to destroy and rewrite all of it?
Everything that is ingrained in the body requires time to change. But when a thought just flashes, crushing it immediately takes a few seconds, if you do it.
But you do not do it, so the question is not for the mind, but for yourself, who has been riding these swings of negativity for years.
See also Catastrophic Predictions: How to Stop the Mind from Painting an “End of the World” and Return to Facts
The Essence of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy
I liked the new book by David Burns, “Therapy of Mood.” He is a prominent representative of cognitive behavioral therapy.
The first point is to catch the thought and crush the belief in it, that is, to stop believing in it. There is a ready-made tool for this, one of which is a mental distortion or cognitive distortion. I call them mind traps.
If you search online for “cognitive distortions,” you will get a list. There will be generalizations: all-or-nothing thinking, negative thinking, and so on.
Then you take one thought and run it through the list, and there are ten or more of them, you begin to see the distortions, and you understand that you cannot believe this thought.
The second step is to learn to see facts, to cross-check with reality, to verify facts.
We usually don’t double-check anything; we trust everything that spins in our heads. But you should take it and check. And when you see that most of the conjectures and assumptions are not confirmed, it just dissolves.
Have you ever had an experience where checking your assumptions changed your opinion about a situation or a person?
The article is based on the broadcasts “Exit from Roles,” “Corridor of Eclipses #154,” “Ask KM #20”
P.S. We invite you to the new course “Acceptance Workshop” to get rid of self-flagellation, negativity, and start accepting yourself.
See the detailed description here >>