Why the pursuit of perfection causes harm. When is perfectionism destructive for you?
Perfectionism, or the pursuit of perfection, in itself is not a bad trait. On the contrary, the habit of doing everything with an “A+” is a high standard and a mark of quality.
If you’ve agreed with someone about something or promised to do a certain job, you can be fully relied upon. You won’t let them down, and everything will be done at the highest level.
But when this quality spirals out of control and takes over your decisions, when it grows into a manic desire to achieve perfection, even though it’s impossible in reality, it seriously messes up your life.
In this article, I’ll share how to get rid of perfectionism or learn to keep it under control and not let it run your decisions.
When perfectionism turns against you
I used to proudly say that I’m a perfectionist, that I love to bring everything to perfection.
Until I noticed that this quality was running my decisions and actions. That’s when a motive like “bust your butt but get it done” started to turn against me.
In everyday life, at a regular job, in the 3D world, in a team where if you don’t do something, you’re bad, this is completely natural behavior.
The desire not to be bad, not to experience discomfort and negative emotions when you’re blamed, becomes more important than your true needs.
But when I started walking the path of self-acceptance, this behavior began to clash with my decision to accept and love myself.
An internal conflict arose. The true reason for the tendency toward perfection, doing everything with an “A+” (in most cases), wasn’t because it was a high standard. The reason was the desire to be liked, to be good, to fulfill the mission of “I must” no matter what.
A part of me started to rebel against this desire, and it began to show up as apathy toward everything, an unwillingness to do anything, and this happened in all areas of life.
This little part of me was trying to get through, to draw attention to what really matters, to the fact that I MYSELF am important and valuable, and that MY desires and motives matter.
See also: “The Straight-A Student” — a complex or a soul’s task
At some point in life, you realize that the drive to do everything perfectly becomes an impossible task. A wild need arises to shed the burden of the “straight-A student” and just do things as they come, or maybe even deliberately worse than you could. What is this — a soul’s protest or temporary powerlessness?
What impact perfectionism has on your life
An excessive tendency toward perfectionism slows down your growth, prevents you from taking necessary actions, makes you overly self-critical, and increases your stress levels and feelings of depression.
After all, if you can’t do something “perfectly,” you suffer and beat yourself up over it.
A person prone to perfectionism doesn’t give themselves the right to make mistakes. They feel obligated to do everything at the highest level.
When you already have a skill and are honing your mastery, this is a normal desire. But if you’re just learning, how can you do it well without trying and failing a thousand times first?
Because of the desire to get it perfect right away, many endeavors and ideas remain just thoughts. The fear of not measuring up turns out to be stronger than the dream.
What is perfection from a spiritual perspective
God, the Absolute, is perfect. No one doubts or argues with this.
And we are particles of God, of one whole. This means we are also perfect.
We come into this world with a pre-built plan and tasks. Our soul forms our physical body and character traits long before birth, exactly in the way that will help us fully realize our set tasks and gain the experience we came for.
When you don’t fully accept yourself, it’s simply humanly unclear why you have this particular body, since another would be easier, and why you have these particular character traits, behavior patterns, and reactions. After all, they seem to only get in the way.
Yes, and you don’t need to understand it. You need to learn to accept it as a given. And simply move through life with what you have.
This is precisely where we are perfect, because we ideally match the tasks our soul came here with in this incarnation.
When this acceptance is present, inner changes happen faster and more harmoniously.
There is also a point of view that when something becomes perfect, it begins to fade.
This is clearly visible in nature.
A flower grows. First it is a bud, then it opens fully to show its beauty to the world. And then the stage of fading begins.
When people start engaging in self-development, healing traumas, and removing beliefs, some get caught up in the excitement — a desire appears to remove all negative patterns and bring every area of their life to perfection.
And they forget about life itself, that you simply need to live and enjoy each day. Not to spend it in constant transformation. Otherwise, the purpose for which it was all done is lost.
After all, if you become completely perfect and remove all your flaws, you would have no reason to stay on this planet and nothing left to learn.
How to Get Rid of Perfectionism
Allow Yourself to Make Mistakes
It’s better to do something somehow than not at all. A person is not born with experience and skills.
Learning and making mistakes is natural. When a child grows up and stands on their feet, they aren’t immediately able to walk. They try many times, fall, get up, and go again.
Often, to do something at a high level, you first need to do it poorly a million times.
When we do something new, naturally, we can’t do it well right away. Do it as best you can and observe the reaction.
Don’t judge yourself if you mess up. It’s like when a little child misbehaves — you look at them with love and acceptance and fix the mistakes together.
Stop living by old dogmas, when you were scolded at school or at home for an unlearned lesson or bad grades, when you or others compared you unfavorably.
See also: How to Learn to Accept Yourself: 6 Ways
In this article, read why it’s so hard to accept yourself. You’ll learn the difference between acceptance and rejection and how to learn to accept yourself.
Love Yourself
Perfectionism is the desire to prove that you are good, that you deserve love. Behind these desires always lies pain, a lack of self-love.
Remove this program that stems from childhood, that you are not good enough and must do something more to earn the love of your parents and other authority figures in your life.
No matter how well you do everything, there will always be someone who will criticize.
Make yourself a priority, your desires and goals, and act from them.
Become aware of the motives behind your actions, learn to see when you are acting from your own desire to do your best or when you want to appear good.
Treat yourself with love, love yourself. Yes, it won’t happen at the snap of a finger, but move in that direction.
Let this motive be a priority in every decision you make.
Let your ultimate goal always be greater than the desire to appear perfect.
Take the free introductory course “Activation of Unconditional Love through the Chakras.”
Short meditations will help you activate Unconditional Love for yourself in every chakra of your physical body.
Learn Something New
Allow yourself new things, learn, apply new knowledge in practice, try, make mistakes, and try again. And don’t stop.
When you learn something new, you develop, you evolve.
Write a list of abilities and skills you would like to master.
Start implementing with the simplest thing, something you can learn in a day and get some result, for example, different apps for processing video and photos on your phone, cooking a new dish.
Don’t think that you have to become the best at it. The point here is different — to prove to your mind that trying new things is fun and safe.
This boosts your self-confidence, expands your consciousness, and reveals new sides of you.
Gradually, by trying new things, you will finally get to those things you truly dreamed of mastering, those you wanted to dive deep into but didn’t dare to start because you were afraid of failure.