You had a brilliant idea, you were inspired and full of energy, when suddenly a creaky little voice inside says, “And where are we rushing off to? Nothing good will come of your plan anyway!”
If this sounds familiar, it means you’ve encountered your inner critic more than once.
What exactly is it? How can you build a relationship with it?
At first glance, the inner critic is a fairly useful mental ability designed to analyze and control our activities at every stage: from the moment we think through an idea and its feasibility to the final evaluation of the result.
However, in reality, the voice of the inner critic most often kills ideas, lowers self-esteem, and allows you to indulge in procrastination without a twinge of conscience.
Why is it so destructive?
Why the inner critic is a negative character
Let’s go back to early childhood, because that’s where the causes of destructive changes lie.
Most often, the external control of parents later becomes the style of your inner critic.
If your mother constantly pulled you back and said you were too small and wouldn’t succeed, then later your inner voice will broadcast in the same vein.
Overprotectiveness, excessive control and prohibitions, lack of belief in the child’s strength and abilities — these are the reasons for the destructive style of your inner critic.
Remember what emotions your parents experienced when they forbade you something or scolded you? A child often “absorbs” the emotions of adults.
And this creates a conflict. Their childhood spontaneity and joy from the novelty of what they’ve done are overshadowed by the disapproval of the most beloved person in the world.
Analyze whose criteria your psyche feeds you as a role model that you supposedly don’t measure up to?
Most likely, these will be the criteria of your parents and closest relatives, because these are the ones that were carefully and methodically drilled into your head throughout your entire childhood.
And even if you have different benchmarks now, the inner critic will still broadcast on the old wavelength.
How to turn your inner critic into an ally
What can you do to weaken the negative influence of the inner critic or even make it your friend?
Let’s figure it out.
1. Acknowledge your emotions
First of all, acknowledge your emotions at the moment it becomes active and trace where they come from.
This type of critic manifestation likely arises in very specific situations. Track the patterns and identify the trigger that sets off your reaction.
Try to name all the emotions you are experiencing and rate their intensity on any scale that works for you.
Acknowledging and recording emotions brings relief and often provides the key to understanding the potential causes of current negative manifestations.
The article How to manage your emotions, and why it’s so important for you will help you learn to understand and accept your emotions.
2. Shift your focus from emotions to the body
Shift your attention from emotional experiences to physical sensations in the body:
- What position has your body frozen in?
- Are there any tense areas?
- Are there any painful sensations or, on the contrary, numbness?
Breathe into these areas, fill them with light, release all blocks, and relax your muscles.
3. Draw a boundary between you and your critic
Separate yourself from your inner critic: it is not you, its goals are not your goals.
Allow yourself to step beyond the limitations that you did not set for yourself! Let this become your personal celebration of disobedience.
See also: Dedicated to the Angry Critic
4. Befriend Your Inner Critic
Apply the technique suggested by John-Paul Flintoff (columnist for The Guardian).
Draw your inner critic and give it a name. Write its typical remarks above it.
Now imagine that your inner critic transforms into a supportive character, for example, an inner teacher!
Draw what it looks like and what words you expect from it.
Try having an inner dialogue with this new character, and you will soon see what changes occur in the communication style of your inner best helper!
Learn to negotiate with your inner critic.
By turning your inner critic into your helper, you will become more confident in yourself.
A unification of previously conflicting parts of your personality will happen within you. You will gain wholeness and realize your own worth.