During the broadcast “Claiming Your Power and Beauty,” I mentioned the dark night of the soul… This was followed by a flurry of questions asking where to find more detailed information.
I am sharing a chapter from Pepper Lewis’s book dedicated to this topic:
Gaia Speaks: Solutions for a Small Planet
About a year ago, I experienced what I call a moment and a year of personal awakening. Many positive changes that have occurred in my life are directly related to this awakening. But now, exactly one year later, everything in my life is leading me to confusion and turmoil. I am eating and sleeping poorly and feeling emotionally unstable and spiritually unbalanced. At times, I experience a certain anxiety and have temporary bouts of depression. On the surface, nothing seems to have changed, and I can’t help but ask myself why everything is now worse, rather than better, than before.
What happened? What actually changed? Recently, I was told about the so-called Dark Night of the Soul. Can You describe this state and say whether this is what is happening to me? If so, is there a remedy for it? Over the years, I have seen the impact Your words have on countless readers. And I pray that they will help me too.
To begin with, it is important to remember and acknowledge that spiritual awakenings, like other worthwhile (and unexpected) events, are not one-time ecstatic experiences followed by a lifetime of blissful glory. They are of exceptional importance, transcend everything ordinary, and then continuously unfold within and throughout entire lifetimes of accumulated experience.
But no matter how long such moments last, they represent shifts in consciousness, a transition from one state to the next. Besides having immeasurable significance for the growth of your soul and being forever imprinted in your cellular memory, they also hold exceptional importance concerning the heavens. But they are, of course, not comparable to the grandeur of your soul’s journey on the path of development — a journey that is commensurate with this Universe.
Only when all these events are linked together does the beauty and brilliance of each individual pearl begin to accurately reflect the wholeness that you are. The expansion of your consciousness happens organically and continuously. It does not require all those moments when you experience brief ecstasy, and in fact, it transcends them.
Believe it or not, and even if it contradicts modern opinion, the ordinary affairs of the soul (and its personality) in its daily concerns are more than appropriate. God — unlike people — does not judge or even evaluate how many spiritual and how many worldly actions you perform. As funny as it may seem, while you are searching for the meaning of your life, you are already living it. It cannot be otherwise, for All That Is always acts purposefully and is never inconsistent.
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Whether anyone likes it or not, it is also necessary to acknowledge that the immediate meaning is that you first and foremost practice the skill of being human, and only then the skill of being a mystic, a sage, or a spiritualist. Thus, the majority of your experience should reflect this law. Since your Essence currently lives in a vehicle of denser light called the human body, this law takes priority over others. In such moments, the principle of Universal Law acquires special significance, because otherwise it could be quickly disproven.
This means it is difficult not to be captivated by experiences that seem utterly extraordinary. In such moments, the soul rejoices, and the personality forgets its problems and troubles. These joyful experiences remind us that there is always a great and a small reality, existing side by side and as one whole. The soul does not limit itself to these experiences, but they still guide it.
Note that for the soul, these experiences do not hold as much significance as they do for the personality. This reflects the conditioning of the three-dimensional personality by such opposites as good and bad, light and dark, and so on. The human personality evaluates, judges, and compares opposites based on its own experience, using them when necessary—such as the Dark Night of the Soul as a criterion—whereas the soul perceives them only as differences within a broader context.
The Dark Night
The Dark Night presents itself as a completely human phenomenon, when a person who previously considered themselves spiritual, and therefore not subject to the abstractions of everyday life, is forced to look at themselves a second or a third time.
Sometimes the soul (in its embodied form as a personality) even has to return in the direction opposite to the one it thought it was moving in, in order to restore the necessary qualities it missed or left behind. Your soul is interested in unifying the whole and will not settle for anything less. Everything must be untangled. This untangling constitutes the Dark Night, which is not excluded even from the most correct and perfect life.
It seems that when this inevitable drama unfolds, spiritually well-read and educated people, as well as those who have spent one or two lives at the feet of a teacher, react particularly sharply to this natural law, lashing out at others or wounding themselves. Although this path is difficult and does not inspire confidence, the Dark Night still has its value for the soul. While the path is wide, one can imitate the initiate, but when it ultimately narrows, only the truly aspiring will be able to endure everything to the end.
What once brought the personality such desired ecstasy is now revealed differently — the gift is the same, but it is received in a different way. Spiritual awakenings become the result of the small self deciding to merge with the Higher Self. They provide the opportunity to perceive true reality, rather than the illusion mistaken for reality.
Suppose a reflection steps out of a mirror for the first time and looks back to see the reflection it once called itself. Can you imagine what a profound experience this would be for the Higher Self, and how staggering it would be for the small self?
The small self, unprepared for such an experience, sees not the great opportunity unfolding, but only the deceptiveness and insignificance of the life it so believed in. Both the quality of the Dark Night and its duration are determined by the distance between the small self and the Higher Self.
Now the “vessel” of the soul, or the purified heart, must see its path through the twilight of its human condition, until it can see in the darkness and ultimately — through it. Every limitation is perceived by the small self in this state as final and decisive, losing its capacity for creative and original expression. However cruel this transition may seem, in the end the soul and personality will merge into one and clearly know, once and for all, where the right hand of God is and what moves it.
See also: Doubts on the Spiritual Path. How to Overcome Them
It happens that on the spiritual path you suddenly stop believing in the voice of the soul and ask yourself: Maybe there are no spiritual guides, and the voice of the Higher Self is a figment of the imagination? Find out where these doubts come from and how to eliminate them.
The Removal of the Spirit
In this New Era, when avatar-like illuminations and the ability to communicate with Spirit are becoming almost commonplace, the Dark Night often manifests as the disappearance of these familiar phenomena.
The Senior Teachers of the Spirit, as objective ideas of the developed consciousness, become central factors of help. When, obeying the high laws of Spirit, they withdraw, they leave behind a fragrant trail that is very quickly replaced by a wall of impenetrable darkness. Can anything replace such closeness and mutual love of Spirit and for Spirit? And very quickly the thought arises that only what is unworthy of love can be so easily rejected. And the torment begins.
People of a subtle nature and those with a good intuitive organization bear this spiritual loss very heavily; absence brings great bitterness, because the presence was very pleasant. The withdrawal often has both a personal and an impersonal character. If, for example, the Dark Night were to come for the channel [Pepper Lewis], whose pen is currently conveying the words of Gaia, then, more than likely, her pen would also fall silent.
Far more people fall into the despair described here than one can imagine, clinging with lamentable results to the ego and striving to squeeze conditioned and strained words out of it. When the spiritual connection almost ceases, the small self remains to, as it were, resurrect itself from the dead. In despair, it returns to its simplicity and innocence, sometimes even sobbing like a child, begging not to be abandoned again.
The small self must begin, as it were, anew, for even those who think they have nothing eternally possess everything, and it is precisely this they must rediscover. Gods and teachers who flatter the small self or the soul are not divine enough, therefore such experiences of deprivation and sorrow are often followed by a more correct understanding of divinity.
Those who consider themselves the most innocent and pure in their thoughts and deeds experience the Night differently. These voluntary exiles are forced, in endless torment, to see a constant succession of not the most worthy people receiving rewards for every little thing. To them, who, in their own opinion, deserve God’s love and happiness more than others, it seems they stand in last place — forgotten, overlooked, and abandoned.
Struck speechless by such a turn of events and unable to control themselves, they begin to think and speak ill of generosity towards others and of their well-being. Overwhelmed by their own bad luck, they see bad omens and encounter troubles almost every day. It seems that the more good deeds they do, the deeper they sink into a darkness from which they see no way out.
At this stage, many begin to believe that God truly favors darkness and those who think and care first and foremost about themselves. When a bad situation gives way to an even worse one, they face a choice: whether to live and get what they can from life like everyone else, or to withdraw from society and live in solitude in a world that no longer accepts them.
During the Dark Night, the soul purifies itself by becoming aware of its own shortcomings.
Together with the personality, it reviews all its real and imagined sins. Every particle and atom is magnified many times over to avoid missing any detail. With such magnification, the small self cannot help but see its own insignificance and artificiality.
As the distance between the small self and the soul increases, so too does the distance between Light and Darkness, turning life’s blessings into nothing more than abstractions and distractions, falling as a heavy burden on shoulders that have suddenly become fragile and unreliable.
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Endless Night
It is human nature to regret what was inevitable and to look back at one’s mistakes, instead of rushing toward the unknown and considering goodwill eternal and ill will transient. There is, however, a great deal of truth in the fact that everything created is temporary and transient. This means that your Essence, which constitutes the presence of your soul, is eternal. The temporary is an aspect of the permanent, yet the permanent is not an aspect of the eternal. It is this truth (which constitutes the Universal Law) that the small self (the personality) and the Higher Self (the Soul) forget when plunging into the Dark Night.
Permanence is inherent in that which lasts forever or for a very long time. It characterizes everything that never changes or should not undergo significant changes. Permanence is characteristic of everything physical. It can be attributed to Stonehenge and to your physical body. Stonehenge is believed to have stood for many thousands of years, and one can imagine even longer. It seems almost an eternal structure, but since it was created for a specific purpose, someday, when its purpose loses its relevance, it will cease to exist.
The same applies to your physical body. It seems solid and durable because its existence has meaning. But someday, when it has a higher purpose than it does today, you will want to leave it behind or recreate it in a different form. For now, due to its permanence and purpose, it belongs to you.
Eternity is not a physical quality. It is infinite and, therefore, unaffected by the passage of time. Your soul is made of this eternal material, which is why it is destined to find its own divinity. One of the paths your soul follows on its destined journey lies through the experience of incarnations in human form. The permanent and the eternal are connected by a completely unique relationship. They obey the same laws, but one through its physical manifestation, the other through its opposite. The small self and the Higher Self obey the same laws, and, although they complement each other, people are often most confused by the contrast between them.
This poorly understood contrast contributes to the division most often observed during the period of the Dark Night. Conscious of its eternity, the soul rejoices in the Dark Night as an opportunity to reconsider that which it is most unsure of. It strives to prolong its journey and views the Dark Night merely as the hour before dawn. The personal self, thinking it has only one life, fears fluctuations and even delays.
The personality sees in the Dark Night the result of a failed exam — an exam in which it was tested and found unworthy. It awaits only the deserved punishment for its sins, but these are merely the perceptions of human nature.
Restoring the Light
The Dark Night lasts exactly as long as sins are uncovered.
If in spiritual awakening a person is able to see no more than a sequence of eternal moments, then the Dark Night will last no longer than the night itself, you understand? Spiritual awakening is a reason for joy, but it is not a reward given only for a day (or a year) and then taken away the next day or year. But even if that were the case, there is nothing wrong with treating yourself to one lavish feast and then being content with simpler food the next day. Day gives way to night as inevitably as night gives way to day, and this applies perfectly to everything that happens to you.
Confusion, bewilderment, and anxiety prevail when separation is felt most strongly. If you are separated from your breath, you greedily gasp for air on the inhale and exhale heavily. If you do not think about your physical state, then your body’s need for nourishment will not be satisfied, and if you fear that you will lack the courage to persevere and overcome obstacles, your body will not rest and will not experience the peace that sleep brings.
Emotional stability is the result of trust in the next moment and the next event, whereas depression arises as a consequence of the persistent but impossible demands of the small self for control. Without interaction and awareness from both hemispheres of the brain, balance cannot be achieved.
Spiritual balance will be restored when rigid beliefs give way to the recognition of new possibilities.
The Dark Night of the Soul is a phenomenon associated with spiritual awakening, and this phenomenon need not be feared. The Dark Night does not necessarily follow or precede spiritual awakening, for both are merely aspects of the soul’s expansion. Nevertheless, beware of those who promise you a path leading away from your own center and toward another’s, for such a path very often leads to various sufferings and pain.
Be patient as you go through this, and surround yourself with like-minded people.
Move carefully and unhurriedly, as your path during this cycle may remain unclear.
Have a little compassion for yourself if you must, but do not get stuck in self-pity.
Train yourself to see in dim light, so that you can help others achieve the same if they ask you to.
If what is happening to you today brings you back to similar moments that seem to crawl right out of your past, acknowledge them as such. Look at them directly and honestly. The sun (son) returns at the appointed hour, and the light will soon enough cast its shadow. If you get stuck in a quagmire, do not make sudden movements. Surrender to your fate until you have enough buoyancy to reach the shore. You may get dirty, but you will not be defeated.
Your only sin is forgetting the laws by which nature rules in the third dimension. These laws also apply to human nature. The remedy lies in remembrance and forgiveness, where necessary. Light is never absent, but it is often defined by its shadow.
A later addition from Gaia:
Gracious readers, in body and in spirit, these words are meant for you and the child within you, who still believes in separation, which is nothing but fear, yet is still real — at least in the sense that it is truly felt. It comes from days of yesterday, but it will settle in your today and try to follow you into your tomorrows.
Remember, when you are forging a new path, sometimes it turns out to be slow. A new, slower path can be better than the well-trodden old one, where there are no new views or horizons. If what worries you most is that you do not know which direction to go, then start from the Valley of Peace.
In search of the shortest path to Shambhala, many have passed by this oasis, only to later return on their own tracks when they most longed to be on its healing meadows. Perhaps I will come to you there, and we will sit together, for it is my home as well.